WEEK OF JANUARY 30 - FEBRUARY 3

Ways to Build Self Esteem

By Melissa Mayntz

Teens today are under a lot of stress, but there are many ways to build self esteem and confidence. LoveToKnow Teens was privileged to speak with motivational expert Kathleen Hassan, The Teen Confidence Coach, about how to build self esteem to be happy and confident through the teen years.

Interview: Ways to Build Self Esteem

At what age do teens begin to have self-esteem concerns?

Girls and boys as young as 6 or 7 are having issues with self-esteem. Because we live in a global society, kids today are comparing themselves to everyone in the world. Advertisers spend billions of dollars each year to convince kids that they are not good enough without certain products and services - and it's working.

What issues today most affect teens' self-esteem?

Kids today are bombarded with images of the rich and famous. Our society places so much value on these qualities, which creates a false illusion that anything short of that is bad or unwanted. We have lost our way and our kids are caught in the comparison trap without the right tools to dig their way out.

There are so many external pressures on kids today: broken homes, poverty, alcoholic parents, drug abuse, promiscuity, eating disorders, self-injury. It is very easy to become overwhelmed by these challenges and as a result keep our focus on what's wrong. Our greatest challenge is to continually shift our focus back to what is great about our kids today. We need to hold a vision for what's possible and hold up a mirror for them to see their potential. We need to inspire our youth to believe that there is something inside of them superior to any external circumstance.

What external things can teens do to build their self-esteem?

For most teens, starting on the outside is the easiest way to begin to develop the internal stuff. Any time you do something external for yourself such as wearing a nice outfit, getting your nails done, or getting a great new haircut, all of these external actions send a powerful message to your subconscious mind that says "I am worthy and deserving of good things. "One of the most powerful things teens can do to tap into their potential is to hang around with positive people. When you associate with people who have a good attitude, it will have a dramatic effect on your own energetic vibration, which will attract more of the same back to you. Hanging around with kids who like you for you takes all the pressure off trying to be something or someone you're not. "I like the way I feel about me when I'm with you" is a good measuring stick for figuring out who you feel most comfortable with.

 

 

What are some internal ways to build self-esteem?

Our thoughts create our reality and learning how to harness the power of our own minds is the most important thing anyone can achieve in their lifetime. Becoming aware of our thoughts and consciously choosing thoughts that will bring about a desired outcome is the secret of success.

One way to begin to observe our thoughts is through meditation. By quieting the mind and focusing on breathing, we notice how often our minds wander and we can learn how to train our thoughts to return to the breath. It's not how many times the mind wanders, but how many times we can bring our attention back to the breath that builds inner-peace and self-confidence.

Another way to get hold of your thoughts is to analyze the messages you give to yourself. If you find yourself saying something negative, such as "I'm such a loser," consciously tell yourself to stop. Use positive self-talk and replace negative statements with positive affirmations. We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves.

The greatest hurdle for teens to overcome is to avoid the comparison trap. Stop comparing your insides to someone else's outsides. If someone has something that you wish you had, instead of being jealous, add it to your wish list and say, "That's for me!" When you shift your energy from jealousy to intention, you become a magnet and attract more great things into your life.

Prom season can be especially hard on teens with low self-esteem. What do you suggest?

Set an intention and decide right now that this is going to be a great prom season and the best time of your life so far. An intention is something that you plan to do or achieve. With focused attention and concentrated energy, anything you can dream you can achieve - as long as you believe.

Sounds easy right? Think again. The problem is that most people spend all of their time thinking and focusing on what they don't want.

What can parents do to help teens with self-esteem and personal confidence?

Well-meaning parents only want what's best for their kids. But unfortunately trying to buy self-esteem always backfires and only creates a sense of entitlement rather than empowerment. The result is dependant self-esteem and when we get our sense of self from stuff, it will never be enough. The next step is independent self-esteem and learning to be OK no matter what you've got going on externally. But the ultimate goal is interdependent self-esteem and that is, understanding who you are, what you do well and how what you do well serves the world.Parents can help their teens develop this sense of self by:

·                     Helping them to discover what makes them unique and how they can use their own gifts, skills and talents to benefit others.

·                     Resisting the urge to compare their child to anyone else.

·                     Creating a fail-safe home by co-creating ground rules and consequences so teens are a part of the process and solution.

·                     Practicing unconditional love by saying "there is nothing you can do or say that will make me take my love away."

·                     Helping your child find the lesson in any challenge or perceived failure.

 

Is community involvement such as an after school job or volunteering very valuable for teens' self-esteem?

Absolutely! Any time we have the opportunity to try something new we are stretching ourselves and building our self-confidence muscles. We build self-esteem by taking risks and learning how to trust ourselves and our abilities. Another benefit to after school jobs or community involvement is the opportunity to interact with others, which raises self-esteem to the level of interdependence by seeing how what we do benefits others.

What regular activities can teens become involved in to help their self-esteem?

The word "regular" is the key. Establishing rituals and the daily repetition and practice of success skills will help build the foundation and habits for a lifetime of achievement.

How can teens' self-esteem affect their lives after high school?

Our choices either lead us towards our goals or away from them. Our choices are based on our beliefs and our beliefs are simply thoughts that we've played over and over again and have accepted as our truth. By becoming aware and mindful of our thoughts and working towards self-mastery in harnessing the power of our minds, we can be, do or have anything we want in life.

The earlier we grasp these principals and apply them in our lives, the less we'll have to unlearn later on. When we get stuck in habitual negative patterns of fear, worry and stress the harder it becomes to regain our sense of power and joy.

By planting the seeds of possibility thinking in teens early on we are helping them create a life that they absolutely love. Rather than just accepting whatever comes along, today's teens have the power to manifest abundance, happiness, and well-being and as a result they will have the power to change and heal the world.

Taken from: http://teens.lovetoknow.com/Ways_to_Build_Self_Esteem

WEEK OF JANUARY 23 - 27

Teaching Teens Character

One of the most important things we parents can do is to teach our kids to make good choices.  But good choices can be counter-intuitive.  So, how can they be taught when the immediate rewards are usually on the side of making bad choices?

Many parents fall into the trap of thinking that good character will happen by default or that someone else will teach it to their kids.  They may enroll their kids in a Christian school, take them to church, and encourage participation in the youth group.  They may seemingly do “all the right things” yet still find their children lacking in character as they become more independent.

What is going wrong?  Perhaps they should look more at their own actions than their teen’s, because as the old saying goes, “More things are caught than taught.”  So much of what we teach our children when it comes to character development—good or bad—is modeled rather than spoken.  Integrity, honor, grace, sensitivity, wisdom, work ethic and more—the things that make up good character—do not happen by accident nor are they taught from textbooks.  They are the end result of seeing good character in their parents, day in and day out.

Our kids watch us to see if we keep our promises to them and to others.  They see us when our guard is down, when we’re in public and private.  They know whether we show grace or vengeance to those who hurt us.  They hear what we say about others and how we resolve our own conflicts.  They see our work ethic “up close and personal.” And they watch to see where we turn when life gets us down.

If you have some work to do in regard to modeling good character, let me share with you some ways to intentionally work on it with your teenager.

Clearly identify a set of beliefs and values for your home.

The first step is to have a clear picture in mind of your own family values, and share that picture with your kids.  I know one family that actually painted their family values on the wall over the staircase.  Every person who walked into that house could quickly and clearly see what they were all about; character issues like honesty, integrity, care for others, dependence on God and respect. And of course, the kids can see them every time they go up and down the stairs.  Developing a list — keep it to no more than ten items — and then making it so it is seen as many times each day as possible will remind your kids what’s really important in regard to their character.

Intentionally model your own decisions.

When character issues come up, gather the kids around to help you decide, pointing to the values your family is living by.  Being practical about sharing your own decisions will help your teens make similar decisions in the future.  For instance, suppose you were shopping and you discover later that the checkout clerk gave you too much change in return.  Ask your kids what they think you should do with the windfall, pointing to honesty and integrity as important values of your family.  Hopefully they will all agree that the right thing to do is to return the overage.  If not, you know you have some work to do.  Yes, it will likely cost you more in gas money to return to the store than the few cents to be returned, but the lesson your kids will learn can be priceless.

Ask for forgiveness when you blow it.

At one time in my life I was shocked by the number of parents who never apologize to their children for anything; today I almost expect it.  Modeling how to apologize may be the single most important lesson you teach your teenager.  When you blow it, and you will, they already know it. So by failing apologize and take responsibility for your bad choice in front of your teen, you teach them that you really don’t believe or live up to your own standards.  I said earlier that bad character can be “caught” as easily as good character, but I think that bad character on a parent’s part can be a stronger lesson.  It can write a permanent scar on a child’s future character if the parent fails to owns up to their error and ask forgiveness for modeling a bad decision.

Don’t over-shelter.

All of us want to protect our kids.  That’s a good and important impulse, but it can be carried too far.  By the time your children are teenagers, they need to have experienced situations that required them to stand up on their own two feet.  Of course I’m not suggesting you throw them to the wolves.  But they must learn, and nothing strengthens character like adversity.  The flight simulator can only take a future pilot so far.  Sooner or later they need to take off for real, with a trained pilot at their side; and eventually they will be prepared to take their first solo flight.

Help them choose ahead of time — role-play.

In the heat of the moment, when temptation is strong, it’s hard to do what’s right.  The Bible says that Daniel “purposed in his heart” not to do wrong before he was put to the test.  Much of the disconnect between what good kids are taught at home and at church and how they act can be traced to the fact that they never practiced the decision they would make in certain situations.  So, encourage your kids to settle their moral decisions ahead of time.  Do this by role-playing certain situations they may run into. For instance, suppose your teen is offered pot.  What will they say?  How will they save face with their friends, while also not giving in? When a teenager is cornered by their friends without thinking through a response in advance, they are more likely to make wrong decisions. So work through possible scenarios with your teens as to how they could properly respond to various temptations.

Remind them that failure isn’t final.

If failure were final, no one would ever learn to walk, or ride a bike, or drive a car.  We want our kids to always make the right choice, but they won’t.  So it’s vitally important to teach your children that when they fall, they can ask forgiveness, get back up and do right going forward. No one is perfect, and neither will they be.  Some teens, with their short outlook on life, become convinced they can never recover from what they have done.  They may think what they’ve done is unforgivable, or that their life is ruined; they may even consider suicide.

Poor choices can leave scars, but they don’t have to be life-defining unless we allow them to be. So, encourage your teen that each new day can be a fresh new start.  Teach them to leave their burdens and failures at the cross, for God came to Earth to offer such way out and to lift them back up, no matter how many times they fall.

In summary, let’s be intentional about teaching teenagers character, and focus on that rather than correcting non-character-related issues.  Talk to your teen about the importance of doing right even if no one else does — even when the media glorifies wrong choices. The world we remember growing up — one that taught good character — is gone. Today, bad character is more popular, more glorified, and more rewarding (for the moment).  So sitting back and thinking your teen will learn good character on their own or from others isn’t realistic.  It must be taught and modeled by you.

We talked about this issue in-depth on our radio program a week ago titled “Teens Making Good Choices.”  To listen online look for the program dated June 18, 2011 at http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, a therapeutic boarding school located in East Texas. Call 903-668-2173. Visit http://www.heartlightministries.org, or to read other articles by Mark, visit http://www.markgregston.com 

http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/2011/06/26/helping-teens-good-choices/

JANUARY 16 - 20

Is Your Teen Over Connected?

By Staff Writer

Most parents want their teens to have friends and a sense of belonging, but could your teen be over-connected?

On any given day, more than half of American teens are logging on to a social media website, one-quarter of whom log on more than 10 times per day, according to a report published online in Pediatrics. Just 10 years ago, teens spent most of their free time playing sports or games or hanging out with friends. Now, the majority of free time is monopolized by technology.

Research shows that social networking in various forms, including Facebook, Twitter and texting, has both positive and negative effects on teens. Ironically, being over-connected leaves many teens feeling completely disconnected.

Pros of Social Networking Among Teens

• Builds a strong social support network
• Keeps teens in touch with family and friends without a large time commitment
• Encourages teens to express themselves creatively
• Grants teens access to valuable news and health information

Cons of Social Networking Among Teens

• Cyberbullying, or teasing, spreading rumors about or humiliating another person online, has become the new norm among teens who want to isolate or harass their peers.
• “Hypertexting,” defined as sending more than 120 messages per school day, has been linked to an increased risk of drinking, smoking, using drugs, fighting and risky sexual behavior.
• “Hyper-networking,” defined as spending more than three hours on networking sites per school day, has been associated with poor academics, stress, depression, suicide, promiscuity, substance abuse and other teen issues.
• Sexting, or sending sexually explicit messages and photos via cell phone, is another way teens exploit themselves and their peers, often followed by regret and possibly disciplinary or legal action.
• “Facebook depression” is a new term for the mood swings and changes in appearance, diet and sleep patterns that often result from spending too much time on social media websites.

Parents are not powerless against the lure of the Internet. Be your child’s “friend” on Facebook and learn how social media can be used by experimenting with these sites yourself. If your teen is over-connected, make a plan to get them active, involved in extracurricular activities and spending time with the family.

Teens who are already suffering from the side effects of too much time online may benefit from counseling, a wilderness therapy program or therapeutic boarding school. These therapeutic programs for teens give young people a break from technology and the “noise” of daily life and help them develop the skills to use technology appropriately.

Taken from: http://www.byparents-forparents.com/parenting/is-your-teen-over-connected-04691.htm

JANUARY 9 - 13

Five tips for parents to start the New Year right

By Jennifer Openshaw

 

NEW YORK (MarketWatch) — I’m a huge fan of starting a new year off right, including creating my own personal plan for the coming months. But what about those of you who are parents? What can you do to create a super future not just for you, but for your teenager?

Two-way conversations are not a slam-dunk during the teen years. Hopefully, these five moves will help you and your teen bond — and help you build your finances in 2011.

1. Set goals for grades 

Remember “Big Mike” in “The Blind Side?” If he couldn’t boost his GPA from about 1.5 to over 2, he wouldn’t qualify to play football, let alone qualify for football scholarships.

Setting some achievable goals can boost a teen's confidence not to mention his or her chances for scholarships and college admissions.

“But let the child start first and then add your feedback,” said Lynn Berger, a career counselor and coach. “If your teen sets the bar too low, that’s an opportunity” to help them set it higher. “The reverse is true, too, if a goal is too ambitious.”

So let your child — not you — be the leader in setting goals. Ask them what they think they can achieve in the new year and what they need to do to get there.

2. Recruit for college savings 

In my last column and on a recent appearance on “Good Morning America,” I spoke about 10 smart money moves parents can make. Watch Openshaw on "Good Morning America."

Among those tips? Recruiting the grandparents to help, and watching money grow faster through a 529 college savings account. Read more on 10 money moves to make now.

Grandparents can give up to $13,000 ($26,000 if married) per year to their grandchildren without incurring gift taxes. If they contribute to a 529 college savings plan, however, they can front-load their gifting and give up to five times that — $130,000 if married — without facing a gift tax.

If that sounds like too much, think about this: Even if each set of grandparents contributed just $500 a year each, over 18 years that can grow to cover about half the cost of a four-year education at a public university. They get the joy of giving to their grandkids now while lowering their estate taxes — and you can tuck more away for your retirement.

3. Focus the conversation at dinner

Dinner time can be valuable bonding time, if done right. Consider devoting at least one night a week to discuss topics that will help you connect to your teen. Possible themes include: goals for the coming week; the most exciting and most challenging part of the day; what do you want to be when you grow up; how to purchase that new car.

Berger echoed something I’ve seen other savvy parents and even grandparents do: devote a dinner out to one child, nothing fancy, though.

“We always focused one night a week with only one son at a time because it allowed us to focus on that person and take them out of their regular environment,” Berger said.

4. Create ‘me’ time 

All students (and adults!) deserve a "time out" just for them — with no parental or school pressures. Encourage your child to take 30 minutes each day or week to do what he or she wants.

“There should be a gap between school and homework,” Berger said. “There’s no reason anyone should go from one thing to another without some transition.”

She suggests some physical exercise at the local gym or YMCA on a regular basis, which brings a host of other benefits from stress-release and focus to overall well-being.

5. Get involved 

More schools are requiring community service. Parents can play a role in helping their child get involved, boost her resume and possibly even increase her chances of a scholarship.

Each year, my friends Cathi and John take their teen boys to Africa or elsewhere to build homes for those in need. It’s a hands-on experience that bonds the family and it’s become an annual ritual.

In Darien, Conn., Zach and Lindsay Domonekus, ages 8 and 11, launched their home delivery bagel service by partnering with a local bagel company.  Not only are they raising cash for Haiti or their own savings accounts — depending on who you talk to — but they’re honing their real-world business skills and boosting the resume, too. In the process, they’re even bonding with Dad, the weekend chauffeur without whom their business wouldn’t be possible.

Maybe weekend trips at 4 a.m. aren’t for you, but if you follow these tips, you might find yourself in the driver’s seat of more than you imagined — and you’ll be starting your family off right in the new year.

Jennifer Openshaw, author of “The Millionaire Zone,” is chief executive of Family Financial Network and founder of SuperFutures, whose mission is to help students discover their futures and build skills to succeed. You can reach her at twitter @ jopenshaw or on Facebook.

Taken from: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/five-tips-for-parents-to-start-the-new-year-right-2011-01-13?pagenumber=1