Friday, October 26, 2012

WEEK OF OCTOBER 29 - NOVEMBER 2


Parenting Your Teenager: What to Do with a Bad Report Card


Phil Collins once sang "I can feel it comin' in the air tonight............" While I don't think he was singing about report cards coming home, he sure could have been.

Report cards, those powerful little pieces of paper.
Report cards can strike fear and dread into the hearts of both students and parents. So much of the power struggle around school revolves around all those letters and numbers that show up on report cards.
If you are looking forward to a good report card coming home, or if a good report card has already made it home to you, congratulations, that is something to celebrate.
If you are dreading another bad report card, or a bad report card has already made it home, hang in there, because there are many things we can do.
A bad report card is not the end of the world. In fact, there are some steps to take to improve things by next report card time.

One of my favorite solutions for bad report cards

List the grades from the most recent grading period on the left hand side of a piece of paper. Now, across from each grade, on the right hand side of the paper, list the grade goal for the next grading period.
Here is the important part: make it only one grade higher than in the last grading period. This makes pulling grades up look manageable to a teenager. You can tell them, however, that it is perfectly acceptable to improve by more than one grade if they choose to do so.

Here's an example of this system:

D to C
C to B
C to B
B to A
F to D
D to C
D to C

Now it may not seem like much to go from an F to a D, or even a D to a C, but check this out:
The difference in the Grade Point Average (GPA) between the first and second grading period using this system is the difference between a score of 1.42 and a score of 2.43.
Make a one letter grade improvement in each class in each of the next grading periods, and within two grading periods you've got some very nice grades on your hands.

Progress not perfection

I know it is our tendency as parents to want, expect, or even demand our kids to do more than one letter grade better. And yea, OK, they are certainly capable of it. What you want to remember is two of the important goals we have with this system:

1) Make improvement look manageable to the student. This one is important because many times studens will dig themselves a huge hole, and then convicne themselves there is no way to get out.

2) We are shooting for progress here, not perfection.

A bad report card is no fun - for students or parents. Using the one letter grade higher system can give you and your student hope and direction in manageable pieces.




Monday, October 22, 2012

WEEK OF OCTOBER 22 - 26


Tips for Parents: Managing Frustration and Difficult Feelings in Gifted Children

Stuart, D.
Davidson Institute for Talent Development
2009

This Tips for Parents article is from a seminar hosted by Dr. Dale Stuart to help parents understand their gifted child’s intense and difficult feelings, and offer guidance to help their children manage these difficult feelings. 
The basic approach to helping a child deal with difficult feelings is (a) to help them build the capability to observe themselves while they're in the midst of experiencing the feeling, (b) to help them form a story or narrative about their experience of the feeling and the situation, and then (c) to help them make conscious choices about their behavior and the ways they express their feelings.

Validating the Child’s Feelings

The starting point is to validate a child's feelings—whatever they might be—and acknowledge and accept that the feelings are there (you can accept the feeling without having to accept the means of expression of the feeling). Use words and language that are appropriate to your child's verbal and emotional maturity. You need to communicate that the child's feelings are understandable and natural, under the circumstances, and for the way that your child sees the world.
In the process of validating your child's feelings, you're also modeling the position of being an observer. You want to simply be offering an empathic narrative about what may be going on in the child's mind and the connection between the trigger event, the interpretation or meaning it had for the child, and the resulting feelings that arose in the child.

Dealing With Anger and Conflicts

Anger (a secondary emotion) can protect us from more vulnerable underlying feelings of hurt, humiliation, self-defeat, pain and sadness (the primary emotions). Anger is often a way of avoiding showing vulnerability when it doesn't feel safe to reveal or express the softer emotions. This turning to anger is therefore usually an automatic, unconscious process, but it can become conscious, and we can take steps to avoid the escalation when two people start butting heads with each other.

As the parent in these interactions, you have the opportunity to model healthy ways of dealing with frustration and anger in the ways that you, yourself, react when these feelings come up for you. The goal is to model that your own and your child's difficult feelings can be observed, can be tolerated without "destroying" you or "driving you over the edge," and that they can be managed in conscious, healthy ways. Here are some alternatives that you can try, in order to avoid getting caught up in the power struggles, debates, and escalating arguments that you may have with your child, and to help your child learn to manage difficult feelings through your own modeling of healthy ways to do so yourself:

Monitor your own level of frustration or anger. Learn to recognize your own internal signs for when you get close to "not being able to take it anymore," or to "exploding.” It's ok to give yourself a time out, and it's not a sign of defeat. In fact, it's modeling behavior that you want your child to use. You can say something like "I'm getting close to the point where I can't think clearly, so I'm going to take a few minutes to clear my head and then we can talk about how we're going to handle this." This has numerous benefits: a) you're modeling the self-observing/self-monitoring that ultimately is essential for being able to manage difficult feelings, b) you're modeling the ability to make the conscious and healthy choice to disengage from a situation before things get out of control, and c) you're showing respect for your child by demonstrating that you don't want to continue to react in automatic ways that end up feeling hurtful to your child, and that you may later regret.

Help your child to understand the underlying feelings behind the anger, and address those feelings instead of reacting to the anger. To pull this off, however, you have to be managing and not reacting to your own frustration and anger. You also have to avoid the urge to argue back and defend or justify your position. The benefits are, a) you're modeling the ability to be in an observer role for the child's experience and feelings, b) you're validating the child's anger as a natural reaction to his perception of the situation, and c) you're communicating, through your own calm manner, that the feeling can be tolerated and "survived."

If your child reverts to behavior that is destructive or unacceptable when she's upset, then form a plan AHEAD OF TIME for how you're going to respond to it. You want to establish clear rules for what is and is not acceptable behavior, write them down, and post them for your child to see and remember. Then, you want to formulate clear and precise consequences when the rules are broken, write them down, and post them for your child to see and remember. The critical elements in making a system like this work are clarity and consistency.

Help Your Child Understand What Triggers the Feelings

Part of helping a child understand his feelings is helping him recognize what event triggered them, and helping him understand how he interpreted that event in the way that led to him to feel the way he did. (Remember, events themselves don't have meaning... it's our perception or interpretation of them that creates the meaning that we react to.)
When your child becomes frustrated or angry with something, wait until he's calmed down just enough to be able to respond to you and talk to you. Then ask, "what was happening BEFORE you got upset?" or, "what were you doing BEFORE you got angry?" Help your child to identify what was going on during those last few moments when he was feeling ok, and reiterate to your child what he was doing during that time and how he was feeling. Then, ask your child to play the tape in ultra slow motion, to describe what happened next, in the split moment just before he noticed feeling frustrated/angry/upset. Try to focus on the instant when he observed or encountered something different. You might ask, "And then something different happened—something changed just a bit. Can you tell me what it was that changed? Can you describe what you saw or heard, or did that was different, right in that moment before you reacted?"
Next, help your child to examine what thoughts and reactions went through his mind, as he was looking at/experiencing the new event. There will usually be internal thoughts (self-talk) that give meaning to the event, and you want your child to start becoming aware of these thoughts. Some children think of them as voices inside their heads, telling them what to do, or more often, what they SHOULD or MUST do or be, and also what SHOULDN'T be. These internal thoughts are often what lead to the feelings.

Continue with some gentle, empathic questioning about what this might mean to your child, and how he ended up feeling, in that instant before it turned to frustration or anger. You might say, "When you heard that voice in your mind say 'I'm not going to get it right, I'll never solve it,' then what did that mean to you? What does that say about you?" Typically, if you've taken this slowly or gently enough (and that takes practice, so don't expect miracles the first time!), your child will come back with something that reveals a more vulnerable feeling. In this example, it might be, "It means I'm not that smart after all. If I'm so smart, this should all come easily [notice the 'should']. I'm really stupid after all." (This example is not such a stretch... even PG children can wonder if they're as smart as adults seem to think they are, and can feel tremendous self-doubt about whether they'll continue to "live up" to this label.)

When your child reveals self-doubt or feelings of injury or humiliation or rejection that often underly the reactions of frustration and anger, DON'T rush in to reassure him that "of course you're really smart," or "of course I love you just as must as your little sister," or "of course it was just an accident that you weren't invited." Here's where you want to respond with complete validation and acceptance of your child's experience, with things like, "Yeah, if it makes you feel stupid, of course you would get frustrated. That's a horrible feeling, to doubt your own abilities, or to wonder if I'm going to be disappointed in you." If you do this repeatedly—helping your child to "freeze frame" the process and become aware of the onset of the difficult feelings, your child will start to respond with greater awareness to the events that trigger the difficult feelings. With this greater awareness, your child will eventually be able to make more appropriate choices for how to deal with the feelings and will tolerate them more easily. Your child will also be more able to tolerate the more vulnerable feelings underneath, and will therefore feel less need to protect himself, or escape from the feelings through the acting out of the frustration and anger. Even if your child doesn't arrive at any earth-shattering insights about his internal thoughts and beliefs, simply offering the opportunity to be curious and to explore them is laying the groundwork for developing the self-observing capability that will help him manage difficult feelings down the road.


“Stop, Think, Choose” Technique

You can also work with a more explicit behavioral process to help a child step out of automatic reactions and unacceptable behavior. I like to use the sequence, "Stop, Think, Choose" as the keywords for a child to use to coach himself toward more conscious choices for behavior. The trick is to develop the association of this sequence with the onset of the frustration or anger. You would work with your child during calm times to offer acceptable choices for ways to express the feelings (I know a lot of you have done this already). Then, help the child to pick a trigger or identify a "switch" that informs the child he's starting to reach his limits of tolerance. This might involve having the child recognize that he's clenching his fists or feeling tension in his body, being able to recognize and articulate "I'm angry," or anything else that will help the child catch himself in the process of becoming upset. At first, you will have to help the child to catch himself, and you might do this with comments like, "I can see that you're starting to get frustrated. Is this one of those times when you could use your 'stop-think-choose' technique?" Presenting it as a choice gives the child the opportunity to learn that he can exercise control over his reactions and behavior. You may still need to coach your child through the process of stopping, thinking, choosing before the child can manage it himself.

Frustration Over Not Being In Control

One of the most common sources of frustration for a gifted child, in my experience, has to do with their perception that others' rules don't make sense, aren't logical, and things that others say or do aren't rational (and therefore need not be obeyed). The belief that the world should operate according to THEIR rules (which they believe are totally logical), and they feel outraged when the world doesn't oblige. Their natural (and usually healthy) drive for self-determination and efforts to feel in control of, and to exert control over, their world bring them into frequent conflict with the "real" rules. This can create a deep sense of despair and fear that they can never be in control of their world. Some children may even feel individually punished for not being allowed to be in control, and will fight to protect their self-esteem and efforts at self-efficacy. This can explain why sometimes the smallest incident that seems unjust to them can trigger such intense distress. They're reacting to the feeling that the entire world appears irrational, uncontrollable and unpredictable to them. Think about how scary that would be!
One possible way to address this is to find some activity or environment where the child truly can set the rules and she can feel in control. This requires some creative thinking by you, the parent, to construct or find such an environment. In my experience, when the child can find one place where she feels that things "make sense," and feels in control, then much of the distress over not being in control in other places subsides.

Fear of Being a Failure

Another common source of distress for a gifted child is one I alluded to earlier... the fear she may have that she really isn't as smart as others say she is, and she's going to fall from gifted grace if anyone ever found out. She therefore feels very protective of her self-image as someone who is "smart," but feels fragile since she doesn't believe it's something she has any control over. For those of you familiar with Carol Dweck's research on mind-sets, you'll recognize this as the fixed mind-set. The child will internally have tremendous self-doubt, will be terrified of challenges and will be reluctant to face anything where she isn't assured of success. She may also believe you expect only perfection from her (children can interpret our reactions and encouragement for their successes in the most distorted, extreme ways, sometimes... to the point of believing we expect only continued high achievement from them). So she may be petrified about the possibility of disappointing you and losing your precious love. Then, when she faces a slightly difficult problem, all this fear and self-doubt may be triggered, and it comes out as a fit of rage or frustration.

Teach Your Child to Imagine Others’ Perspectives

Here's another way you can help your child when he explodes over perceived injustices or doesn't like following rules set by others. The idea is to help your child recognize that other people have different perspectives about things, and that their reasons for doing something may be completely consistent with their own perspectives, even if they're different from his own.

Younger children, especially, have a difficult time recognizing that other perspectives can exist in other people's minds. In fact, being able to conceive of a different belief being held in another person's mind is a learned process, often called Theory of Mind, and usually doesn't even start to develop until around age three or four. It can take several more years for the capacity to develop to the point where a child can actually understand another's behavior and reactions in terms of completely different perceptions existing in another's mind. (Some adults don't even get to this point!)

Since this is a learned skill, it's something you can assist your child to develop. One way to do this is by engaging him in games or exercises where you ask him to imagine what's taking place in the other person's mind, when he has been in a conflict with someone else, or has refused to do something he's been asked to do. You can ask him to tell the story first from his own point of view, then ask him to pretend that he's the other person, and tell the story again from the other's point of view. Encourage him to explain, in as much detail as possible, what he imagines the other person's motives were, or what the other person must have been thinking or feeling that made her act the way she did. If he was in an argument with another person, then ask him to replay the argument, but to argue it from the other person's perspective.
You can encourage your child to try to imagine as many different motives as possible, that the other person might have had for doing what she did. Approach this as a brainstorming exercise and challenge your child to be creative, no matter how outlandish his responses might be. You can help by throwing in some ideas of your own and even making a game out of it where you take turns guessing at the motives and intentions of the other person.

Basically, any type of exercise that helps a child to be curious about the perceptions and intentions of others, and helps him to become accepting of different perceptions, will benefit him in numerous ways. For example, if he felt hurt by something someone did, instead of assuming that the other person must have had the deliberate intention of hurting him, he might be able to see that the other person was trying to concentrate on a task, and was annoyed at being interrupted. This could help him take things less personally in the long run.

This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visitwww.DavidsonGifted.org.

Friday, October 12, 2012

WEEK OF OCTOBER 15 - 19


How Much Sleep Should Kids Really Get?
By Tara Weng, GalTime Contributor
on Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Sleep, glorious sleep. It often alludes me and I'm starting to think my kids as well.
I have a soon-to-be 9-year-old who can't seem to wake up in the morning and a soon-to-be 13-year-old who can't fall asleep at night. 

With this in mind I sought out trusted sleep experts to explain just how much sleep kids really need and if their age effects this magic number. 
From a quantity perspective Michael Breus, Ph.D., sleep expert and author or The Sleep Doctor's Diet Plan has a pretty standard calculation.
According to his recommendations even teens (ages 13-19) need about 9-10 hours of sleep each night.

And he's not alone in this school of thought.
"Teenagers need more sleep than many parents realize--over 9 hours per night. Teens experience physiological changes that push them to stay up later and sleep later in the morning," explains Malia Jacobson, sleep expert and author of Ready, Set, Sleep: 50 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep So You Can Sleep Too.

Breus breaks down the hours of sleep (needed by age) like this:
·       Toddlers: 12-14 hours of sleep
·       Pre-schoolers: 11-13 hours of sleep
·       School-aged kids: 10-11 hours of sleep

Both Breus and Jacobson say the key to our kids getting the right amount of sleep is in our hands as parents.

"One thing parents need to do is keep their schedule consistent. Kids don't or won't care all that much about sleep. Parents need to explain to them why sleep is important and reinforce the importance of sleep, even through their own behavior," offers Breus.  
Jacobson recommends that parents also teach their kids to unplug before bed--an overstimulation that will disrupt a good night of zzz's.

"Parents should not allow electronics in teen's bedrooms at night, to help teens' circadian rhythms stay on track," she says.
Regardless of the age of the child most experts say it is the parents who need the real training when it comes to how to get a good nights' sleep. 

"Kids can tend to be overscheduled. Parents need to set priorities. If a child is having a hard time falling asleep often it's the parents not them at the root of the problem," says Breus.

Armed with this information I think I'll take a second look at my own caffeine intake before bed and probably grab a book instead of the remote to settle in for the night.
At least this way if a set of brown eyes is peering around the corner, they might just pick up on something.  


Taken from:

Sunday, October 7, 2012

WEEK OF OCTOBER 8 - 12


What Type of Parent Are You?

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults.
-- MAD Magazine

If there were a rule book for parents that dictated exactly how to proceed during every phase of a child's development, raising emotionally healthy, well-adjusted and responsible kids would be a snap. There is no rule book, of course. Most of us (although we may be loath to admit it) are winging it when it comes to bringing up our children. Even the most conscientious parent struggles with how to best monitor, correct or guide a child's behavior.
During adolescence, a parent's personal struggles are arguably at their peak. Is it better to give your teen total freedom or to scrutinize her every move? Should you let him make his own decisions or tell him what to do? Is it wise to be an intractable authority figure or act like a buddy? You might be tempted to apply the same parenting method your own parents used on you when you were growing up, but that may be better suited to a simpler time than to twenty-first-century kids. The fact is there isn't just one "best way" to raise kids. Effective parenting varies as much as individual children - what worked for Kid No. 1 might blow right over Kid No. 2.
Research indicates, however, that parenting styles fall into three categories:

Permissive parents place few limits on their children's freedom. These parents are often afraid of losing their children's love if restrictions are imposed, so they fail to provide even basic guidelines. Permissive parents say they don't want to stifle their children's creativity, so rather than correcting inappropriate behavior these parents ignore it. They feel a "do your own thing" approach encourages children to discover for themselves the consequences of their actions.
The problem with permissive parenting is that children fail to learn about boundaries or limits. They lack respect for the rights of others and usually have difficulty adjusting when anyone outside the family (at school or work, for example) imposes rules on their behavior. And although permissive parents feel it's in their children's best interest to learn to grow and develop on their own, children raised in this style often think their parents are simply indifferent. Without clear limits, children get confused, feel insecure and can make poor choices.

Authoritarian parents place a high value on obedience. Their rules for their children are clear and unbending. Authoritarian parents expect children to obey without question, and misbehavior is punished. But although children raised by authoritarian parents may appear well behaved, they often become rebellious, usually as teenagers. Interestingly, because this parenting style has been followed by so many parents for so many generations, "teenage rebellion" is considered normal. Teenagers, however, do not have to rebel to become independent. Rebellion often results from strictly enforced rules and punishments.

Other problems can result from authoritarian parenting: Children may lack self-discipline because they have only learned to obey orders, not creatively solve their own problems. Unfortunately, these children may feel their parents' love is conditional upon their obeying the rules. They lack a sense of security and self-confidence. And children raised to follow the directions of an "authority" may also easily follow undesirable peers.

Democratic/mentoring parents establish basic guidelines and give reasons for the limits they impose, while communicating unconditional love and affection for their children. They allow children to make choices while helping them see the consequences of those choices. Democratic/mentoring parents are leaders who set standards for their children's behavior, rather than dictators who demand obedience. They gently but firmly enforce limits and allow children to gradually accept more and more responsibility. If you had to choose one style of parenting, the democratic/mentoring style is generally accepted as the method that best helps children develop security, responsibility and self-confidence.

But parenting is not a solitary activity; it's interactive. A large part of your effectiveness as a parent depends on how well you communicate with your child, especially during the teenage years, and your ability to be flexible while still sending a consistent message. For example, being flexible yet consistent might mean you're willing to extend a curfew for a special occasion, but the rule that your teen will not accept a ride with anyone who's been drinking has not changed.
Teens wouldn't be teens if they didn't push their limits, regardless of your parenting style. Just remember that the most effective parents have certain qualities in common: They provide a balance of love and limits, they stay consistent, their love for their children is constant and unconditional, and they listen - really listen -- to their kids. And that type of parenting never goes out of style.


Monday, October 1, 2012

WEEK OF OCTOBER 1 - 5


Tips thought leaders use to raise their kids
By Eloise King
The leading thinkers today take a look at the parenting debate and speak on how to raise inspired children.
The years kids spend at school are about so much more than maths, English and science. The jostle of school yard play and politics means they come up against challenges that are social, emotional, psychological and physical in nature as well.

The problem, however, is that statistics tell us an increasing number of school-aged children are obese, depressed, abuse drugs or alcohol, have behavioural problems such as ADHD and even, tragically, commit suicide.

To protect her own son from becoming yet another sad statistic, international award winning researcher and university teacher Dr Rosina McAlpine has corralled some of the world's leading thinkers to produce a book titled Raising Inspired Children.

"Parents want the best for their children, but the fast and demanding pace of life has left them poor and stressed" Dr McAlpine says. "They don't have the time to research the latest findings in child development unless they come up against a problem and need expert help to manage it."

Here, we look at some of what those leading minds have contributed to the parenting debate.

Supporting emotional intelligence in children
Dr Joe Dispenza is a neuroscientist, chiropractor, lecturer and author who's continuing education has been in neurology; neuro-plasticity; brain function and chemistry; cellular biology; memory formation; and ageing and longevity.

Research shows us that our emotional disposition – bored, happy, sad, balanced, excited – affects how we interpret the world, and also how we act or behave in it. Studies from the University of Pennsylvania show when depressed people are shown two pictures in rapid succession – one funeral, one feast – people remember the sad coffin scene significantly more often than the happy feast. "This study clearly shows that people perceive reality based on how they feel," Dr Dispenza. "This is why it is important for us to help our kids cultivate positive emotions such as happiness, strength and freedom, as often as possible."

Emotional predispositions are the result of the interplay between our genetics (nature) and the environment we grow up in (nurture).

Increasing our kids emotional intelligence gives them greater control over how they react to their environment and the tools to lead a happier life.

What is emotional intelligence?
Dr Dispenza says there are five distinct but interrelated aspects to emotional intelligence. They are: knowing one's emotions (self awareness), managing emotions (the ability to shake off negative emotions and introduce positive ones), recognising emotions in others (empathy and being aware of another's needs), handling relationships (effective interactions) and motivating oneself.

Two techniques for teaching emotional awareness to kids
1.    Parental observation: Instead of jumping in to fix a situation when his children are highly emotional (such as mid- tantrum or argument) Dr Dispenza would either a) say in a calm and non-judgemental voice 'you seem angry' to help them become aware of the emotion, or b) observe them in a calm and loving way without commenting. "Being watched, without judgment, until they are aware that I am watching them is often enough of an interruption for them to stop and observe their own emotions and behaviour," he says.
2.    Emotional awareness game: Dr Dispenza plays fun games designed to teach his kids about their emotions while driving together in the car. He says: "Ok, let's play a game that involves us all feeling happy for the next five minutes, so everyone stay in the state of joy and happiness by thinking about what makes you happy and then really feel it… notice how it makes you feel inside… you may feel like smiling, you may feel light… you may even feel like you are bursting with excitement because you are so happy… make that feeling grow so you are even more happy… keep feeling happiness and joy"  When the five minutes is up, he says: "Now, memorise that feeling of happiness and joy, because that is who you really are." To help his kids know what happiness, understand that they can turn it on, and develop it as a habit. This game can be repeated with feelings of strength, courage, freedom or playfulness.

Parenting Psychologically Healthy Kids
Dr Michael Hall has a doctorate in cognitive-behavioural sciences and is a leader in neuro semantics, psychology and neuro linguistic programming (NLP). He has written more than 40 books, including many best-sellers.  

Dr Michael Hall says the key factor in fostering psychological wellbeing in your child is to understand the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem.

"Self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably even though they are entirely different aspects of the self," Dr Hall says. "Self esteem refers to a person's innate value, worth, dignity, honour and lovability.  Self confidence, on the other hand, is conditional on their talents, dispositions, achievements."

Dr Hall believes all humans have innate worth and value. "It is an unconditional quality, based on no conditions, it is never questioned, it is recognised as a gift to all humans and means that everyone is born a somebody," he says. The aim or challenge for parents is therefore to help their child experience this self-esteem in their understanding of themselves.

Acknowledge your self worth first
It's hard to raise a child who feels innately worthy if you don't understand your own worth first. Dr Hall recommends thinking about something that you perceive to have innate worth.

"It may be standing in awe of a beautiful sunrise or sunset; acknowledging the mystery of life as you hold a newborn child; or sensing the immensity of the universe as you stand on top of a mountain and look up at the milky way," he says. "Once you've acknowledged or accepted the innate worth in something simply for what it is, apply that to the awesome sacredness to who you are." Dr Hall calls this self-esteeming. 
 

Once you have self-esteemed yourself, apply the same feelings of awe to your child. Say to yourself: 'My child doesn't have to prove anything or achieve anything to be a fully valuable person.' Let your child know that's how you feel. Then, encourage your child to self-esteem themselves with the words: 'I am special and lovable as I am and I don't have to do anything to be loved'.
 

Dr Hall says: "The more they practice self-esteeming the better they will get at loving and valuing themselves for who they are."

Examples of phrases to help boost kids' self-esteem
1.    "Whether you succeed in the exam/game/event today or not, you are an absolutely valuable and lovable person and nothing can take that away from you. So, go out there and give it your best; have fun and we'll see what happens".
2.    "You shouldn't have done that. And you know what the consequences are – time-out in your bedroom. BUT, before you go I want you to know that I love you absolutely!"

Partnerships with children for happy home management
Dr Sum has experience as a RAAF officer, executive coach and business partner who specialises in leadership training.  She has developed the seven R's of parenting to help parents bring order and structure to family life.

Dr Sum believes the seven R's of parenting are:
1.    Role modelling: Children will do as you do, more than they will do what you say. Get clear about what your values and beliefs are and walk your talk to live an authentic life.
2.    Respect: Develop mutual respect between you and your child by asking yourself the following questions. In what ways do I respect my child? In what ways do I inspire my child to respect me?
3.    Rules: Rules set the boundaries and structure by which every family member agrees to behave. All rules require all family members to agree for them to work in creating a fun, safe and harmonious home environment.
4.    Routine: creates predictability and security for children which fosters independence and the development of healthy self esteem. Try creating a daily timetable for your child
5.    Review and reflect: create regular family time for sharing of personal and family problems, goals and challenges.
6.    Reorganise: make necessary adjustments required to improve the processes the family agrees aren't working.
7.    Response-ability: is taking the time to plan, schedule and follow through with the seven Rs so that every family member is valued.