WEEK OF AUGUST 26 - 30

Does Your Child Challenge Authority? 4 Things Parents Can Do by Kim Abraham LMSW and Marney Studaker-Cordner LMSW

You: “Please put your things away.” 
Your child: “I’m busy. I’ll do it later.” 
You: “You need to do your homework.” 
Your child: “It’s stupid. I’m not doing it!” 
You: “You’re not allowed to go to that party. You’re grounded.” 
Your child: “NO! I’m not grounded! I’m going!”

Does it ever feel like your child or teenager has an answer for everything—and usually takes the exact opposite position on what you’ve just said? Many kids struggle with authority, and have trouble following limits or rules, complying with requests and or generally are disrespectful to others in society. Some wear their defiance on their sleeves and are angry in their refusal (How dare you tell me what to do?!). Others are more subtle and simply “dig their heels in.”

"Why do some kids fight so hard against authority, as if giving up control is equal to drowning?"

What’s Your Child’s Style of Defiance?
On the other hand, defiance may be hard to pinpoint. Your daughter appears to follow your rules initially, but then goes behind your back and does something completely different. The fight doesn’t come when the directive or rule is given but instead it comes later, after she’s been caught disobeying. Whatever a child’s style of defiance may be, it can leave parents, teachers and other authority figures feeling frustrated, angry and unsure how to respond.

Why do some kids fight so hard against authority, as if giving up control is equal to drowning? Possibly because that’s exactly how it feels to them. We often look to the why in order to figure out how to change the behavior. Personality can certainly play a role – some people hate rules and authority their whole lives. Other factors can include depression, anxiety, ADHD or other conditions that may contribute to a child struggling with behavior.

In some cases, we may never be able to determine exactly why a child is making certain choices or behaving a certain way. Adults often spend a great deal of time trying to identify potential triggers to a child’s defiance. In fact, there may be multiple triggers: being told “no,” facing a limit or rule, or feeling jealous or uncomfortable can certainly contribute to defiant behavior. Professionals use the term Oppositional Defiant Disorder (O.D.D.) to describe a child whose defiant behavior has escalated to the point that it has become a pattern.

It can be helpful to identify triggers to educate and support your child so she might change her behavior. (For more on this, read How to Find the Triggers That Set Your Child Off.) But the fact is, the world and society aren’t going to go out of their way to avoid “triggering” your child during the course of her life. Regardless of the reasons we struggle, society has expectations. As parents, it’s our job to prepare our kids for life in the Real World. And the Real World often doesn’t take kindly to individuals who constantly challenge and defy authority.

So what can we do, as parents trying to raise a child into a productive member of society—a person who thinks for themself, yet isn’t always fighting authority or refusing to comply with rules?

1. Don’t fall into the trap of excuses and blame. When an issue comes up with your child, stay focused on the topic – your child’s behavior and the potential consequences. For example, your child might say, “I didn’t do my homework because the teacher didn’t explain what we were supposed to do.” He blames his refusal to do homework on his teacher, and says the teacher doesn’t treat him fairly in class. Our advice to his parent: Try not to get caught up in the idea that Johnny’s teacher “isn’t fair.” There’s lots of injustice in the world and Johnny will encounter it frequently - as we all do. Stay focused on the behavior (Johnny’s refusal to do his work) and the potential consequences (failing his class). You can say, “It sounds like you’re blaming your teacher for the fact that you didn’t do your homework…but it’s your responsibility.”

2. Don’t fall into emotional traps. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotion of your child’s defiance. They’re upset, you’re upset and sometimes teachers or other adults are upset. Again, it takes the focus off the topic at hand. Don’t personalize what your child is saying or doing—just stay as objective as you can and focus on the matter at hand.

3. Teach your child to think. Kids who defy authority are often reacting to adults and rules, rather than making conscious, deliberate choices. They don’t take time to think their actions through to what the potential consequences might be for their behavior. Weighing decisions and consequences, creating a list of pros and cons and then making a well thought-out choice is one of the most valuable skills your child can learn. It’s never too early to start teaching your child how to evaluate situations. So the next time she makes a comment like, “I’m not going to study for the test,” instead of getting caught up in emotion (which is natural for parents), ask her questions instead: “What might happen if you choose not to study?” If she responds with, “Nothing,” try to stay calm and continue with questions rather launching into a lecture or fight. You might ask, “Could you get a lower score, or even fail the test—or the class?” The point of the questions is not to interrogate, but to teach your child to think rather than react.

4. Remember that consequences are a part of life. Whether they are natural consequences – something that occur naturally as a direct result of your child’s actions – or consequences that you provide, it’s how your child will learn about life. Allow them to occur even when your instincts shout out to save your child from being uncomfortable.

Back to School Note: 

School offers daily opportunities for conflict when a child defies authority. You might think of school as a preparation for the future workplace environment your child will potentially encounter. There are principals, teachers (bosses) and peers (co-workers). There are rules, expectations and rewards. You may be dreading the start of school, anticipating phone calls home about your child’s behavior.

Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind for the upcoming year:

Remember: school is your child’s job, not yours. Whenever possible, allow your child to remain responsible for his or her behavior and performance. As a parent, you can encourage and support your child. If he asks for help because he’s struggling, you may provide assistance or arrange tutoring. But it’s your child’s job to remain motivated. We’ve known well-intentioned parents who completed a child’s homework so she would receive credit or lied and said a child spent time reading when he didn’t. Remember, your child is learning habits for a lifetime. In fifteen years, his co-worker won’t write his reports for him!

Keep the focus on your child when communicating with the school. When a child defies authority, teachers and principals may try to hold you accountable for her behavior. Why? Because your child doesn’t care (or is acting like she doesn’t). School staff will look to someone who does care, in order to change the behavior. Often, that turns out to be the parent. If you find that happening, redirect the focus back to holding your child accountable as much as possible. Yes, there are some states where parents are held accountable now for a child’s truancy. In those cases, you’ll want to protect yourself as much as possible. But in general, when it comes to not following the rules or completing classwork, remind school staff that you want your child to learn these life lessons now. You are all on the same page – working toward teaching your child to be a productive member of society. What will his consequence be for certain behaviors? Detention? Suspension? Staying in from recess? Even though it may be hard to see your child uncomfortable, that’s the only way he will make the choice to change his behavior.

Make sure you are doing your part. Yes, your child is responsible for her behavior and choices. But make sure you’re also meeting your responsibilities as a parent. This means ensuring your child has the tools necessary to do her “job” as a student: materials, support and encouragement. If your child is younger or struggles to remember things, you may need to prompt her by asking if she’s completed homework. There’s a difference between prompting in order to support her education and rescuing from having to do the work by doing it for her.

One final note: On the surface, it might sound like a great idea to teach our kids how to comply with authority all the time, without questioning it. But in doing so, we would be losing many of our “rebels,” the individuals who challenge society’s status quo and teach us about ourselves and our own values. We wantour children to learn to be “critical thinkers.” The key is to encourage that independent thinking while also teaching our kids to be respectful and think through the consequences before they act.

Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/does-your-child-challenge-authority-4-things-parents-can-do.php#ixzz2cpMyE3k0

WEEK OF AUGUST 19 - 23

Four Ways to Succeed in High School English Class

Whether you love it or hate it, high school English class is one of the most important classes a student can take - if they make the most of it. Many will say that reading Charles Dickens or Shakespeare and writing a five paragraph essay about it has no value to a student's future. That's true if you don't think that critical reading and analysis skills are important. The fact is, reading and writing go hand in hand, each piggybacking on the other to take you to a higher skill level. No, you won't have to write academic essays when you grow up to be in marketing - but you will have to know how to organize ideas and sentences in a logical, coherent manner if you want to be taken seriously in any job you undertake.

So what's the secret to mastering high school English class? These four tips can help.

Learn the 5 paragraph essay. Now!
Take the time to memorize the structure of a five paragraph essay. Many schools are teaching this as early as 5th or 6th grade but by the time students get to me in 9th grade, they're still shocked and overwhelmed when I present this concept to them. It seems like a lot but really it's not so hard. Your introduction lets the reader know what they'll be reading about, your three body paragraphs (or more) talk about the main points you're arguing and your conclusion sums up what you've said and tells us why it's important. See? Not so bad. The important thing to remember is that if you really take the time to master this concept early, writing all of your papers in high school and college will be a breeze. It doesn't hurt to have this skill in the workforce either - writing emails, reports and presentations is a snap when you understand how to structure your ideas and arguments.

Read a little bit everyday!
The more you read, the more you are exposed to new vocabulary and complex sentencing. Every time you read something - be it a classic of literature, an article on Facebook or even a graphic novel, you're expanding your knowledge store of what good writing looks like. Outside of school, there are relatively few occasions where you need to know the definition of a gerund or a past participle - you just have to know when a sentence either doesn't look or sound right. This also helps with any issues you may have with spelling - the more words you see, the easier it will be to either remember how to spell them or figure it out on your own. The stronger the reader, the stronger the writer.

What's important to remember is that it really doesn't matter what you read, as long as you make it a habit. Many students say that they hate reading. Well yes if all you've ever read is what you're required to read for school! Most movies come from books so if you can think of a movie you really enjoy, why not try out the book? Put in the effort to find something that appeals to you and spend 15-20 (or more!) minutes a day reading.

Journal!
It's like thinking... but writing. Whether I'm teaching a class or I'm tutoring one student, I always begin every lesson with a short journal entry. Journaling helps you get your ideas out into the universe without editing yourself - so don't worry if you have mistakes, the point is that you're jump-starting your writing skills by getting words out on paper. The best way to do this is to read and journal in tandem. So if your homework assignment is to read the first chapter of The Great Gatsby, spend five to ten minutes writing about what you read. What happened? Who was involved? What do you think about what's going on? Does it remind you of something else, something in the news, something that you saw on TV or something that happened to you? This activity can help you remember important points in the story which will ultimately help you do well on quizzes, essay tests or even class discussions.

Ask for help!
If grammar and punctuation is a problem, the best advice I can give you is to see your teacher or a tutor. You'd be amazed if I told you how rarely students come by at lunch or after school, even when they know they need help. If your papers are constantly getting marked up with red pen, make sure you ask for a private lesson on what you're doing wrong and how to fix it. There are also a number of good books out there that not only explain these concepts but allow you to practice. I really enjoy theCaught'ya! Grammar series by Jane Bell Kiester. Her books teach you how to fix broken sentences and improve your vocabulary - all while being really funny and entertaining.

Just remember, a lot of the things you read and write in English class may not seem especially important for your future. However, your teachers are trying to set up a frame work in which you understand how to read and write critically. You need those two skills for everything so go the extra mile!

Taken from: http://voices.yahoo.com/four-ways-succeed-high-school-english-class-9101443.html

Week of August 12 - 16

HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL STUDENT

Being successful in high school comes with a lot of patience as well as motivation. Unfortunately there are so many distractions coming your way, sometimes it becomes hard to say no. However, if you want to become a successful student, then you have to start learning how to say no to these distractions. It may be hard during the school year, and also tiring, but the hard work always pays off at the end. When you graduate you want to graduate with honors, you want to also be remembered as a diligent school worker. So remember, become a successful student, for that will determine your success in the future.

Make good use of your agenda. They give it to you for a reason. Don't only write homework, but make sure to write down other stuff you'll need to remember (like games, practices, study sessions, etc). In order to be a successful high school student, you need to have the ability to stay on top of all your activities. Use your agenda to stay organized and follow through with your plans. Also, use your agenda to set time limits. If you're spending more than an hour on that math assignment, you're clearly not getting it, and are only hurting yourself. Stop, put it aside, and move on to other homework. Come back to it later and if you still don't get it, explain what happened to your teacher. Chances are, they'll be happy to help and not dock your grade. Just make sure you've made an attempt to do the work.

Stay organized. Make sure you have all the supplies you need. It may help to have one 3-ring binder with pockets for each class (maybe only a folder for an elective class) with loose-leaf paper and dividers if they help. If your teacher likes to lecture, have a spiral notebook for notes- the pages are less likely to rip out than loose-leaf. Keep papers in chronological order- they'll be easier to find later when studying. If your binder starts to get full, transfer old papers into another binder to keep at home. This way you won't have to lug them around, but they will be there when studying for midterms and finals.

School IS important. You don't have to be the nerd who holes himself/herself up in his/her bedroom Friday night or reads gigantic books in the corner of the room to be considered someone who takes school seriously. The truth is, school IS important. You need it to have a good resume, and you need it to get into a good college and later get a good career that will support you for the rest of your life, but even though you decide not to go to college, school does help a lot. Social wise and intellectually. It's important to have fun and have lots of extra-curricular activities, but school should always be your number one priority. That being said, never take homework, tests, and quizzes lightly! Note that extra-curricular activities are also good with college resumes as well.

School is important, but so is a social life. Balance is the key. You can be someone who makes straight A's in all advanced classes, but if you have zero extra-curricular activities in your application for college, you will have a much more difficult time getting accepted. It's just not attractive either way. Keep on top of your school work but make sure you let your hair down a little sometimes to join a few clubs consistently throughout your high school years. You won't regret it.

Get involved at your school. You don't have to wear spirit colors everyday or be a cheerleader to do this. All you need to do is to stay on top of things- current events, who won the basketball game last Friday, attending school functions like dances and variety shows, keeping up with plans your student council has for the school, etc. Just like keeping up with current events and politics is important, so is being active at your campus. Not only will it bond you with other people, but it's always good to have a collective unity over a student body. It shows that you care about the learning environment that you're in that you support all the organizations at your school.

Join a sport. It's easy to forget to stay in shape when the workload starts piling up, so joining a team at your school makes it one less worry in your schedule; it's already incorporated in your daily routine. If you're going for all three seasons, that's great, but make sure you're being reasonable. If you're taking all honors classes, for example, and you know you're going to have a heck of a lot of homework, you may want to consider taking a season off. Try your hardest at both your sport and your schoolwork and you should be more than great- you're healthy and on top of your schoolwork.

Figure out what your hobbies are and find a club that matches that. Not being an athlete is no excuse for not having something to do after school. If you're into art, join the art club. Music, and join the orchestra or a band. Join something and be sure to stick with it for a long time; it looks good on college applications. If you're not into any of your school's clubs, ask your principal to start a new one. Most likely he/she will say yes and it's just one quick and easy process into a initiating a new activity at your school.

Care about college. As soon as sophomore year, start visiting colleges. You don't need to decide anything yet, but it will help you decide if you want a large school or small (urban, rural, or suburban, if a state school is an acceptable choice, and so on). Visit your guidance counselor a lot- they're going to have to write a letter of recommendation so the better they know you, the better a letter you'll get. They'll also be able to help recommend colleges and find scholarships.

Care about your Grade Point Average. Your GPA is as important to you as your parents credit score is to them. A low credit score prevents your parent from being able to get a loan, rent an apartment, get a credit card, get a cell phone and on and on. Your parents credit score is their lifeline. It opens doors and closes doors. Your GPA is your lifeline! With a HIGH GPA many options are available after graduation. You will have many choices regarding which colleges you can attend. A low GPA limits your options. There is a program out there for everyone but having a choice makes the walk across the stage a sweet victory!

Make friends with everyone. There's too much going on to worry about cliques, who's friends with whom, who the popular people are, etc. The best thing to do is to just be friends with everyone. Be confident and be yourself. Get into the habit of saying hi to people and not being afraid to talk to new classmates. The more comfortable you become with a more diverse group of people, the more people will like you and the more you will accustom yourself to the art of versatility later in life.

Don't compare yourself with others. It cannot be stressed enough that there's already too much on your plate to worry about trivial stuff like this. High school is only a competition with yourself. Everyday you should only be trying to get better, not worrying about how the girl sitting in front of you has nicer clothes, is getting better grades, has a hotter boyfriend, etc. Ten years from now, this won't matter. Focus on yourself. Focus on what you can do to make yourself better. Then, most importantly, go for it!

Don't procrastinate. This is probably the #1 curse of all high school students. It's hard and it's okay if you do it every once in a while. But when big tests, exams, and essays come, don't make it a habit. You'll only be sorry in the end, especially in college with jumbo papers and insane amounts of reading will become the norm. It's best to accustom yourself to getting things done early and out of the way rather than waiting until the very last minute.

Eat breakfast and lunch. It sounds stupid, but you'd be surprised how many people skip breakfast or lunch. Not only is this dumb, but it's uncool and unhealthy. First of all, waffles are yummy. If you don't have time to eat breakfast at home, take some at the bus stop or buy some at your cafeteria before the first period. It's important to jump start your metabolism the right way so it's running smoothly throughout the whole day. Lunch is important to prevent your stomach from grumbling during your last periods. A full stomach keeps you focused. Skipping meals actually only slows down your metabolism and makes you gain more weight, not less.

Stay healthy both inside and outside of school. Don't fall for the vending machine trap. Most of the food in there is just unhealthy and disgusting. Go for the soy chips or anything whole grain if the vending machine is all you have the moment. Don't fall for the Vitamin Water trap either- it's loaded with sugar. Only if you're a competitive athlete and will be burning off those 400+ calories pretty soon should you pay for that jumbo pack of gummy bears or something. At home, take an after-school snack to keep your belly full until dinner time--invest in fruits, nuts, and healthy chips. Loading on junk food during the day is not only unhealthy but will only give you a temporary "energy" for homework or that 10-page paper you have to write tonight. Convince your school to get an all-natural and organic vending machine (see resources).

Get enough sleep. This is easier said than done, but sleep has so many benefits. If every high school kid got around 7-10 hours like they should, everyone would be a much happier camper. Try to get things done and out of the way so that you get your much needed shuteye. Not only will you be more alert during the day, but it helps improve your complexion and your figure, and you'll be much more likely to pay attention in your boring classes and, as a result, ace them. Of course, this is not always possible, especially in the dreaded junior year. If you're taking 3+ AP's and are in all those clubs and sports, there are chances you will be up until 1 AM doing homework - if that happens, skip clubs/sports the next day and nap! You are no good to anyone when you are severely sleep deprived. Naps are wonderful things. Also, caffeine can help you keep focused - but there are potential side effects, and addiction can hurt you in the short and long term. Try to use the stimulant in moderate amounts and only when absolutely necessary e.g. an important test.

The only trend you should follow is yourself. This doesn't mean you should then go to school the next day wearing pantyhose on your head, or whatever. You should have your own style and your own identity, so that you make your mark in high school the right way and not as a nondescript UGG-wearing replica of every other girl out there (or guy, if you're reading this. You probably don't wear UGGs though). Be original, and don't be afraid to be yourself. It's cliche but it's essential. People are more likely to remember you and want to be friends with you if you are intriguing and different.

Try to go out during the weekends. You endured 5 agonizing days of school, and the time has come to cut yourself some slack. During the weekend, if you have friends to go with, go somewhere fun and have a blast. Even if you don't have many friends, spend the weekend relaxing and doing what you like to do. Let yourself loose and energize yourself so when Monday comes, you're all partied out and ready to focus again. But remember that school is the top priority, so don't do this if you have a ton of homework this weekend.

Never give up. Again, cliche, but important. High school is all about making a fool of yourself but picking yourself back up, trying again, and making friends along the way. Learn to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. Don't beat yourself up over the occasional C or D (heaven forbid an F) on a test or quiz. Tell yourself to study harder and strive for an A the next time. If your team lost a game, tell yourself to push yourself a little harder at the next practice. Learning this will soon apply outside of school and into other parts of your fantastic life. Learn from your mistakes and you will go a long way. Just remember NO ONE IS PERFECT.

Taken from: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Successful-High-School-Student

AUGUST 8 - 9

WELCOME BACK!

This is going to be an outstanding school year. We are eager to begin a year full of excitement and new learning experiences.

Miss Gloria