OCTOBER 27 - 31

Why Teaching Kindness in Schools Is Essential to Reduce Bullying

Phrases like "random acts of kindness" and "pay it forward" have become popular terms in modern society. Perhaps this could be best explained by those who have identified a deficiency in their lives that can only be fulfilled by altruism.

It seems that we just can't get enough of those addictive, feel-good emotions -- and with good reason. Scientific studies prove that kindness has many physical, emotional, and mental health benefits. And children need a healthy dose of the warm-and-fuzzies to thrive as healthy, happy, well-rounded individuals.

Patty O'Grady, PhD, an expert in neuroscience, emotional learning, and positive psychology, specializes in education. She reports:

Kindness changes the brain by the experience of kindness. Children and adolescents do not learn kindness by only thinking about it and talking about it. Kindness is best learned by feeling it so that they can reproduce it.

A great number of benefits have been reported to support teaching kindness in schools, best summed up by the following.

Happy, Caring Children

The good feelings that we experience when being kind are produced by endorphins. They activate areas of the brain that are associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust. These feelings of joyfulness are proven to be contagious and encourage more kind behavior (also known as altruism) by the giver and recipient.

Increased Peer Acceptance

Research on the subject has determined that kindness increases our ability to form meaningful connections with others. Kind, happy children enjoy greater peer acceptance because they are well liked. Better-than-average mental health is reported in classrooms that practice more inclusive behavior due to an even distribution of popularity.

Greater Sense of Belonging and Improved Self-Esteem

Studies show that people experience a "helper's high" when they do a good deed. This rush of endorphins creates a lasting sense of pride, wellbeing, and an enriched sense of belonging. It's reported that even small acts of kindness heighten our sense of wellbeing, increase energy, and give a wonderful feeling of optimism and self worth.

Improved Health and Less Stress

Being kind can trigger a release of the hormone oxytocin, which has a number of physical and mental health benefits. Oxytocin can significantly increase a person's level of happiness and reduce stress levels. It also protects the heart by lowering blood pressure and reducing free radicals and inflammation, which incidentally speed up the aging process.

Increased Feelings of Gratitude

When children are part of projects that help others less fortunate than themselves, it provides them with a real sense of perspective. Helping someone else makes them appreciate the good things in their own lives.

Better Concentration and Improved Results

Kindness is a key ingredient that helps children feel good about themselves as it increases serotonin levels. This important chemical affects learning, memory, mood, sleep, health, and digestion. Having a positive outlook enables greater attention spans and more creative thinking to produce better results at school.

Reduced Depression

Dr. Wayne Dyer, an internationally-renowned author and speaker, says that an act of kindness triggers an increase in serotonin, a natural chemical responsible for improving mood. This boost in happiness occurs not only in both the giver and receiver of kindness, but also in anyone who witnesses it.This makes kindness a powerful, natural antidepressant. (PDF, 14KB)

Less Bullying

Shanetia Clark and Barbara Marinak are Penn State Harrisburg faculty researchers. They say, "Unlike previous generations, today's adolescents are victimizing each other at alarming rates." They argue that adolescent bullying and violence can be confronted with in-school programs that integrate "kindness -- the antithesis of victimization."

Many traditional anti-bullying programs focus on the negative actions that cause anxiety in children. When kindness and compassion are taught instead, it fosters the positive behavior that's expected. Promoting its psychological opposite is key in reducing bullying to create warm and inclusive school environments.

Maurice Elias, Professor at Rutgers University Psychology Department, is also an advocate for kindness. He says:

As a citizen, grandparent, father, and professional, it is clear to me that the mission of schools must include teaching kindness. Without it, communities, families, schools, and classrooms become places of incivility where lasting learning is unlikely to take place . . . [W]e need to be prepared to teach kindness, because it can be delayed due to maltreatment early in life. It can be smothered under the weight of poverty, and it can be derailed by victimization later in life . . . Kindness can be taught, and it is a defining aspect of civilized human life. It belongs in every home, school, neighborhood, and society.

It's become quite clear that modern education must encompass more than just academics, and that matters of the heart must be taken seriously and nurtured as a matter of priority.

How do you teach kindness? Has it reduced bullying at your school?

Taken from: http://www.edutopia.org/blog/teaching-kindness-essential-reduce-bullying-lisa-currie?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=blog-teaching-kindness-essential-reduct-bullying-link

OCTOBER 13 - 17

OCTOBER 6 - 10

10 Life Skills Your Teen Needs Before Leaving Home

By Nancy Jergins

Nancy Jergins has written about relationship and family issues for more than 15 years, and does her best to enlighten and encourage others with her words.

When my firstborn turned 18, it caused me to question: Did I do what I set out to do? Is she ready for college, work, marriage, and children? Can she take care of herself, pay bills, look both ways when she crosses the street?

It really didn’t seem possible… 18 years old, graduation in three months, gone in five. My heart was breaking and yet when I looked at her, I was so excited for her. I may not have accomplished everything I set out to do, but she had become more than I could have dreamed. If your child is preparing for college, get a head start by making sure you address these 10 life skills your teen needs before they leave home.

1. Basic cooking skills. Make sure your child can prepare a few simple, healthy, economical dishes and understands how the high cost of dining out can destroy a budget and a waistline.

2. Budgeting and money management skills. Make sure your child knows how to live within a budget, and understands the pitfalls of using credit irresponsibly.

3. Personal healthcare knowledge. Ensure that your child knows how to self-diagnose simple illnesses, knows how to check his or her own temperature, and knows which over-the-counter medications to take for which symptoms.

4. Good social skills and manners. Knowing how to carry on a conversation with adults will help your child with college instructors and potential employers. Basic manners, such as saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ will help your child make a good first impression with new acquaintances.

5. Auto maintenance skills. It’s important for your child to know how often her car should be serviced and how to change a tire in an emergency.

6. Essential domestic skills. Your child doesn’t have to be Martha Stewart, but should know how to do her own laundry, clean her own dorm room or apartment, and handle small household emergencies like a clogged toilet.

7. Being a good judge of character. Friends influence us more than we care to admit. Help your child learn to assess whether someone is a good friend who will help him to be his best, or a bad apple.

8. Work skills and basic responsibility. To have success in college or on the job, one has to know how to be punctual, stay on task until the job is done, and pay attention to the details.

9. The ability to discern between love and infatuation. Young adulthood is a season of lots of romantic stops and starts. Make sure your child understands the difference between the kind of mutual love you can build a marriage on and passing infatuation based simply upon attraction.

10. The ability to admit fault and start over. We all make mistakes. Help your child learn how to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” and take responsibility for those mistakes. A young person who can do that will be able to regroup and try again in work, in the classroom, and in relationships.

Taken from: http://www.imom.com/10-life-skills-your-teen-needs-before-leaving-home/ 

SEPTEMBER 22 - 26

Discipline for Teens

Lifting up our teens with affirmation, blameless love, and connectedness is critical for their health. But like a table, a fourth leg is needed to keep things on an equilibrium—the leg of parental guidance and enforced boundaries. If teens are to stay safe and healthy, your love must be balanced by and actively demonstrated through appropriate, loving discipline.

The term discipline has several meanings, and the nuances are worth examining. The dictionary’s first definition of the noun discipline is “training that develops self-control, character, or orderliness and efficiency.” Yet when most parents hear the word discipline, they equate it with “punishment,” which is the fourth meaning given by the dictionary.

Just because your teens are nearing full physical maturation doesn’t mean your days of parental discipline are over. Just the contrary. Teens still disobey, still act untrustworthy, and still display woeful attitudes around the house on occasion. Obviously, the old methods of discipline no longer work. You can’t ask Johnny to stand in a corner or turn a rebellious teen over your knee for an old-fashioned spanking. Those days are long gone, but good discipline is absolutely necessary and helps teens learn to function in a highly healthy fashion.

Maintaining discipline will require occasional instances of punishment — and the more creative, the better. Telling your teen he can’t see his friends ever again is over the top, but a Friday night without TV or videos or computer games will capture his attention. Extra chores around the house can send a message. And don’t forget that teens who drive hate to lose the keys to the family car. Right discipline defines protective boundaries and reminds your teen that there will invariably be consequences for breaching those boundaries.

Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them. Wise discipline imparts wisdom; spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents. (King Solomon — The Message)

Six Keys to Protecting Teens through Discipline

Long before I left my medical practice to work for Focus on the Family, I had read every Dr. Dobson book on how to raise children and be a good parent. Dr. Dobson articulated his classic principles so well I don’t think you have to go anywhere else.

Barb and I felt as though we were sitting at his feet whenever we read — and reread — a chapter from Dare to Discipline or The Strong-Willed Child.

From Dr. Dobson’s writings, we found six key principles, which I outlined in God’s Design for the Highly Healthy Child and apply here to teens:

1.    Define the boundaries before they are enforced.

Teens have the right to know what is and what is not acceptable behavior before they are held responsible for breaking the rules. You can’t say “You have to be in by 11:00 p.m.” and not tell your teens what the consequences are for being fifteen minutes late, thirty minutes late, or one hour late. If you’re going to enforce curfew by the minute, then say so. If you’re going to have a fifteen-minute grace period before they’re officially late, then say so. Either way, let them know in advance what the consequences are for breaking curfew.

2.    Avoid making impossible demands.

Sure, all parents would love their kids to take AP courses, get high SAT scores, and have 4.0 report cards. But few teens are capable of being whizzes in the classroom. Even in this era of grade inflation, a straight-A report card is still a rare event in school these days. By the same token, some dads want to relive their glory days on the gridiron, so they place subtle pressure on their sons to be All-League football players when in actuality they contribute to the team in a backup role. Parents should set the bar, but it takes a thoughtful parent to place the bar just high enough to push his or her teen to greater heights without deflating the ego. Is your teen performing at a level that makes sense for his or her gifts and abilities? If so,you’ve set the bar at the right height.

3.    Distinguish between irresponsibility and willful defiance.

Teens can act goofy sometimes or like little Machiavellians. There’s a difference between irresponsibility, such as leaving the car windows down overnight when a thunderstorm hits, and willful defiance, such as coming in after midnight when he knew full well he should have been home an hour earlier. This is an area where you can show grace — God’s grace — as you effectively discern what your teen’s motives were for his or her acts of negligence or defiance.

4.    When defiantly challenged, respond with confident decisiveness.

Intuitively you know the difference between irresponsibility and willful defiance, and when your teen has thrown down the gauntlet, you must respond in kind. Dr. Dobson suggests that when children “make it clear that they’re looking for a fight, you would be wise not to disappoint them!”When nose-to-nose confrontations happen, it’s extremely important to know ahead of time what you will do — and then to respond confidently.

5.    Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over. 

Remember how you hugged your toddler after a spanking to let him know that everything was going to be all right? You don’t spank teens, of course, but they still need to hear your reassurance that you love them. You may need to remind them of the ways they can avoid correction or punishment in the future. Teens never outgrow their need for reassurance after times of discipline.

6.    Let love be your guide!

It doesn’t do any good to get into a shouting match. Sure, your teens will do things to make you angry, but you must keep your cool. During these few remaining years they live under your roof, you have a powerful opportunity to model adult ways of handling conflict, which will help them in the workplace and in their relationships in the future.

Taken from: http://www.imom.com/discipline-for-teens/ 

SEPTEMBER 15 - 19

6 Good Habits Your Kids Need

Kids need to learn a lot of things as they grow, but these 6 will help them thrive and be happy throughout life.

By Amy Peterson

It’s tempting, as a parent, to make life happy and easy for your children. After all, they are completely helpless when they are born, and rely on parents and caregivers for everything. Part of parenting is teaching children to be responsible and capable. There are many habits children need to develop. Here are six good habits every child needs.

1. Saying thank you

Expressing gratitude is a habit that will help kids throughout their lives. The habit of merely saying "thank you" will take root, and real feelings of gratitude will develop. I've met resistance when forcing children to say thanks, particularly when they are very young or dealing with strangers, so I don't push too hard with little kids. As you model polite manners and help kids write thank-you notes for gifts, they'll learn to show thankfulness. Grateful people are happy people; thus, the gift of gratitude is a good one to give.

2. Smiling

Children who are happy smile often. They are prompted to do so from their very first smiles, as parents encourage and coo in response. When children smile at others, they remind adults that there is good in the world. Happy children are respected and liked. I encourage my children to be friendly to everyone, old and young. Learning to give a simple smile can lift others up and spread happiness every day. I know my mood improves when I receive a smile from a child.

3. Waiting

Patience is hard for children, but studies show those who delay gratification are more successful in life. This starts with learning to wait. Not everyone can be first down the slide or first to receive a special treat. Children also can't monopolize the attention of teachers or adults. To practice this skill, take children to places where other children are, like parks and children's museums or zoos. Make sure your child has plenty of experience socializing with others and being in places where their needs can't always be met immediately. Patience is a lesson that must be taught often and, ironically, takes patience to teach.

4. Picking up after themselves

I know I'm not the only mother who finds herself saying "This is not a hotel, and I am not a maid" when I find myself picking up after the other five people who live in my house. Most people spend much of their lives living with others. I'm trying to teach my creative but messy teen to pick up her things not only in her room, but in common areas, as well. Cleaning up after themselves teaches children to be respectful of their belongings and think of the comfort of others. It also helps them learn that everyone must work together to make a home function well.

5. Drinking water

A healthy habit of water drinking will keep your child happy and his or her body strong. Water helps with overall mood, energy, good digestion and is the best beverage for children. If children drink water most of the time, they will not crave sweet beverages that lead to tooth decay and childhood obesity. If ever my kids say they have a headache or are not feeling well, my first prescription is a drink of water. They know that before they have lemonade or orange juice at a meal when it is served, they have to have a glass of water first.

6. Sharing

This is a difficult lesson to learn, but one that will cultivate a life of service and thinking of others. Toddlers are quite possessive of their toys, and young children seem to delight in only wanting a toy that someone else is playing with. Model sharing with your young children as you play with them, and expect it of older children. The phrase "Can I have the next turn, please" has worked well in our home. Knowing how to share helps kids to be generous, thoughtful and aware of others.

Some of these habits will take years to fully teach. If you start when your children are young, by the time they are young adults they will have cultivated these six good habits and several others, even if they don't always pick up their socks.

Amy Peterson

Amy M. Peterson, a former high school English teacher, currently lives in Oregon with her husband and four children. She spends her days writing, reading, exercising and trying to get her family to eat more vegetables.

 Taken from: http://familyshare.com/6-good-habits-your-kids-need 

SEPTEMBER 8 - 12

HOW TO ESTABLISH TRUST WITH YOUR TEENAGERS

They look like adults, talk like adults and want to be adults more than anything -- but they aren't. Yet. Here are a few tips on establishing trust with your teens as they prepare to enter the big wide world.

By:  Margaret Crowe is a poet and mother of two from Charlotte, North Carolina.

We love them with all of our hearts and yet they can constantly keep us guessing. Teenagers… It seems at times that every new day presents some different challenge that can come between us and a strong relationship with our teens. At this stage of the game, the greatest gift we can give our kids is our trust. By now, we’ve spent more than a decade modeling, instilling and refining the values we want for them. It’s time to let the rubber meet the road.

I’m certainly not suggesting that this is easy. Simultaneously, our teens are testing their boundaries, striving with everything in them for independence, and frequently trying to shake off the parents who can be such a cramp in their style. Still, if we are to survive this ultimate transition into adulthood, it will best serve our relationship with our teens by loosening the reigns.

The good news is that by being consistent and patient, we can still easily reach our teens where they still need us. The following tips may be helpful as you begin to allow yourself to trust your teen out in the big wide world.

Be trustworthy

Yep, there it is. Just like every other stage in your child’s development, it’s critical to lead by example. Keep your promises. Show up for your children. Live in a way that allows you to be candid and open with them about your life, just as you expect it from them. When we begin to treat our teens with the same respect we offer other adults, they can sense that we honor their thought processes and decision making.

Listen purely

Any time you find your teen willing to talk with you about her life is a priceless opportunity. Thank her for her openness. Try not to talk too much. Ask your teen if she wants your input, and if she does, keep it brief. A lot of times teens don’t hear much after the first few sentences anyway. Don’t reward your teen’s willingness to be honest with you with a lecture. Make dialogue a pleasant experience for her, and she’ll be more likely to come to you when she needs help.

Start today

Trust is built one brick at a time. Whether you’re setting out to give your teen new freedoms or recovering and rebuilding from broken trust, it is parents that have to take the lead. Try a new curfew. Give your teen a twenty and ask him to bring you back the change. Give him a clear idea of what your expectation is in as few words as possible, and let him know that you are giving them the gift of your trust. Again, now is not the time to lecture him, but rather to allow him to know that the trust is not a question for you. Choose to give it as a gift.

Let them make mistakes

Teens are just adults in the making. How do we learn best? Personally, I have learned the most profound lessons of my life by making mistakes. I’m grateful for the grace to move past those mistakes and get another opportunity to get it right. Allow your teens the natural consequences of their mistakes, but be there to support them in getting a fresh start. Encourage them that there is always another chance to rebuild trust in your relationship. Encourage yourself by remembering that the teen years are all about trial and error. Eventually, your teen will find his way.

Spend time together

This tip can be more and more challenging as our teens develop their own social lives and priorities. Make certain you set aside time to simply “be” together. A great way to stay connected with your teen and build trust is to take an interest in the things they like to do — even if it’s really not your bag. I’ve been known to spend an hour playing video games with my son, which is totally not my thing, but I love having him take the time to show me how to do something he really enjoys. This time is fertile ground for excellent conversation, and it doesn’t have to be too heavy.

These simple suggestions can be the beginnings of an easier road through the teen years. Loving our kids as much as we do, we can often go to one extreme or another and risk becoming too loose or too controlling. Fortunately, the best guides for what our children need are our children themselves. Take time to listen to what your teen is really saying to you about what they need.

Taken from: http://familyshare.com/how-to-establish-trust-with-your-teenagers

SEPTEMBER 1 - 5

6 GOOD HABITS YOUR KIDS NEED

 Kids need to learn a lot of things as they grow, but these 6 will help them thrive and be happy throughout life.

By: Amy M. Peterson, a former high school English teacher, currently lives in Oregon with her husband and four children. She spends her days writing, reading, exercising and trying to get her family to eat more vegetables.

It’s tempting, as a parent, to make life happy and easy for your children. After all, they are completely helpless when they are born, and rely on parents and caregivers for everything. Part of parenting is teaching children to be responsible and capable. There are many habits children need to develop. Here are six good habits every child needs.

1. Saying thank you

Expressing gratitude is a habit that will help kids throughout their lives. The habit of merely saying "thank you" will take root, and real feelings of gratitude will develop. I've met resistance when forcing children to say thanks, particularly when they are very young or dealing with strangers, so I don't push too hard with little kids. As you model polite manners and help kids write thank-you notes for gifts, they'll learn to show thankfulness. Grateful people are happy people; thus, the gift of gratitude is a good one to give.

2. Smiling

Children who are happy smile often. They are prompted to do so from their very first smiles, as parents encourage and coo in response. When children smile at others, they remind adults that there is good in the world. Happy children are respected and liked. I encourage my children to be friendly to everyone, old and young. Learning to give a simple smile can lift others up and spread happiness every day. I know my mood improves when I receive a smile from a child.

3. Waiting

Patience is hard for children, but studies show those who delay gratification are more successful in life. This starts with learning to wait. Not everyone can be first down the slide or first to receive a special treat. Children also can't monopolize the attention of teachers or adults. To practice this skill, take children to places where other children are, like parks and children's museums or zoos. Make sure your child has plenty of experience socializing with others and being in places where their needs can't always be met immediately. Patience is a lesson that must be taught often and, ironically, takes patience to teach.

4. Picking up after themselves

I know I'm not the only mother who finds herself saying "This is not a hotel, and I am not a maid" when I find myself picking up after the other five people who live in my house. Most people spend much of their lives living with others. I'm trying to teach my creative but messy teen to pick up her things not only in her room, but in common areas, as well. Cleaning up after themselves teaches children to be respectful of their belongings and think of the comfort of others. It also helps them learn that everyone must work together to make a home function well.

5. Drinking water

A healthy habit of water drinking will keep your child happy and his or her body strong. Water helps with overall mood, energy, good digestion and is the best beverage for children. If children drink water most of the time, they will not crave sweet beverages that lead to tooth decay and childhood obesity. If ever my kids say they have a headache or are not feeling well, my first prescription is a drink of water. They know that before they have lemonade or orange juice at a meal when it is served, they have to have a glass of water first.

6. Sharing

This is a difficult lesson to learn, but one that will cultivate a life of service and thinking of others. Toddlers are quite possessive of their toys, and young children seem to delight in only wanting a toy that someone else is playing with. Model sharing with your young children as you play with them, and expect it of older children. The phrase "Can I have the next turn, please" has worked well in our home. Knowing how to share helps kids to be generous, thoughtful and aware of others.

Some of these habits will take years to fully teach. If you start when your children are young, by the time they are young adults they will have cultivated these six good habits and several others, even if they don't always pick up their socks.

Taken from: http://familyshare.com/6-good-habits-your-kids-need