WEEK OF NOVEMBER 14 - 18

7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens

by Education.com

For teens, life is not a playground, it's a jungle. And, being the parent of a teenager isn't any walk in the park, either. In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, author Sean Covey attempts to provide "a compass to help teens and their parents navigate the problems they encounter daily."

How will they deal with peer pressure? Motivation? Success or lack thereof? The life of a teenager is full of tough issues and life-changing decisions. As a parent, you are responsible to help them learn the principles and ethics that will help them to reach their goals and live a successful life.

While it's all well and good to tell kids how to live their lives, "teens watch what you do more than they listen to what you say," Covey says. So practice what you preach. Your example can be very influential.

Covey himself has done well by following a parent's example. His dad, Stephen Covey, wrote the book The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, which sold over 15 million copies. Sean's a chip off the old block, and no slacker. His own book has rung in a more than respectable 2 million copies sold. Here are his seven habits, and some ideas for helping your teen understand and apply them:

Be Proactive

Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. Help your teen take control and responsibility for her life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don't blame others for their own actions or feelings.

Begin With the End in Mind

If teens aren't clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. Help your teen create a personal mission statement which will act as a road map and direct and guide his decision-making process.

Put First Things First

This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It's living life according to what matters most.

Think Win-Win

Teens can learn to foster the belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. Your teen will learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them.

Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Because most people don't listen very well, one of the great frustrations in life is that many don't feel understood. This habit will ensure your teen learns the most important communication skill there is: active listening.

Synergize

Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn't have to be "your way" or "my way" but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others.

Sharpen the Saw

Teens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When a teen "sharpens the saw" she is keeping her personal self sharp so that she can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life – body, brain, heart, and soul.

Week of November 7 - 11

RESPONSIBILITY, PART IV

There are 12 major concepts related to responsibility that parents must address when teaching their children to be responsible individuals. They are:

1. Being accountable
2. Exercising self-control
3. Planning and setting goals
4. Choosing positive attitudes
5. Doing one’s duty
6. Being self-reliant
7. Pursuing excellence
8. Being proactive
9. Being persistent
10. Being reflective
11. Setting a good example
12. Being morally autonomous

This is the final article in the responsibility series. It focuses on concept 12 and the importance of consequences.

12. Being Morally Autonomous. Responsible people think for themselves and do not let other people’s opinions and attitudes control them. They are free moral agents, with strong reasoning skills and the freedom to choose between right and wrong. Teens tend to lean toward conformity. They find comfort and identity in being part of a group. The reality of peer pressure makes your child’s choice of friends one of the most important choices he or she can make. Parents can counteract the effects of peer pressure by teaching their teens to make their own choices and not blindly follow the pack.

While parents should instill in their children the ability to think for themselves, they should not give up their right to govern their family. Families are not democracies. Children have a right to be respectfully heard, but their “vote” does not carry the same weight as their parents’ votes.

Responsibility = Power

Teens want more freedom and more control over their lives. Parents must show their teens that they do have real power – the ability to choose. They can choose their attitudes, words and actions.

Teens also want to be treated like adults. Parents can do this, first by teaching their teens they are responsible for the consequences of their choices, and second by holding them accountable for these choices. Consequences can be both positive and negative. When your teen brings you an M-rated video game he borrowed from a friend to approve before he plays it, he has shown respect for house rules and your authority. He has made a good choice and earned your praise and trust. When your daughter lies about going to a movie with her friend so she can attend a party where alcohol is being served, she has chosen to violate your rules and has lost your trust.

You should always know what your kids are doing and with whom. You are your child’s parent, not his or her friend. Ask who, what, where, when, why, and how, all the time. Tell your teens you will be checking up on them and DO IT. Give your teens an “escape clause” by telling them they can use you as an excuse for passing on an activity that makes them uncomfortable.

Enforce consequences when necessary using the following concepts as a guide:

• Establish clear expectations for behavior and set clear consequences for not meeting those expectations.
• Be sure to give positive consequences for good behavior, as well as negative consequences for inappropriate behavior.
• Be consistent when enforcing consequences. If you give a consequence (either positive or negative), follow through.
• Connect your consequences to the behavior; they’re more likely to have the desired results (e.g., taking away driving privileges for not putting gas in the car).
• Use short-term consequences, like assigning chores, for minor infractions and long-term consequences, like losing cell phone privileges, for larger infractions.

Keep in mind the SANE acronym regarding consequences:

• Small consequences are better.
• Avoid punishing yourself with the restrictions you place on your child.
• Never abuse your child with a consequence.
• Effective consequences are consistent consequences.

Consequences are important because they reinforce the cause-effect relationship between what your teen does (choice) and what happens as a result. Consequences help teach teens to make better choices in the future, which subsequently helps them become responsible adults who know the difference between right and wrong and try to do the right thing.

Taken from: www.parenting.org

Week of October 31 - November 4

RESPONSIBILITY, PART III

The virtue of responsibility makes for a happy and productive adult life. That’s why it’s one of the most important virtues a parent can foster in a child. Responsible people purposefully choose their attitudes, words and actions, and accept responsibility for the consequences of these choices.

Responsibility does not come easily. Becoming a responsible adult requires conscious effort and practice. Because responsibility is so important, we have devoted four articles on how parents can instill this virtue in their children.

There are 12 major concepts related to responsibility that parents must address when teaching their children to be responsible individuals. They are:

1. Being accountable
2. Exercising self-control
3. Planning and setting goals
4. Choosing positive attitudes
5. Doing one’s duty
6. Being self-reliant
7. Pursuing excellence
8. Being proactive
9. Being persistent
10. Being reflective
11. Setting a good example
12. Being morally autonomous

This is the third of the four articles. It focuses on concepts 9 through 11.

9. Being Persistent. Responsible people finish what they start. They know that most things worth achieving require hard work and that success does not always come from a first attempt. Parents must help their children by reinforcing that they can succeed (and success is important to teens) at anything if they work hard enough. Parents need to be prepared for complaining and excuse making when tasks become difficult, providing encouragement instead of giving in to complaints.

Parents should NOT force their children to stick with an activity the parents choose for their own personal reasons.

Real-life application: A naturally athletic girl tries out for a new sport and finds herself in the new position of being one of the least-talented players on the team. Instead of giving up because she can’t be one of the best, she spends extra time practicing the fundamentals of the sport until she can play with proficiency.

10. Being Reflective. Being reflective means using one’s head to make rational decisions. It requires thinking ahead and reflecting on the consequences of our choices even during emotional times. Teens often consider only the here and now or immediate future; long-range planning is not their strong suit. Parents need to remind teens that today’s choices will affect future plans, not only for themselves but also for others. It is important that teens learn to reflect on the ramifications of these choices before acting on them.

Real-life application: Parents can help their teens become more reflective by asking leading, non-confrontational questions. If a teen breaks curfew, her parent can ask, “When you decided to ignore your curfew, what did you think would happen when you came home?”

11. Setting a Good Example. Responsible people understand their behavior often influences the behavior of others, so they conduct themselves morally and ethically. Simply put, they set a good example and they lead by example. When the opportunity to do something good presents itself, they do it, even if it is as simple as opening the door for someone. They serve as role models. Children pay more attention to what their parents do than what they say.

Real-life application: The cashier at the grocery store mistakenly gives you more change than you deserve. You correct her mistake and give her back the extra money instead of pocketing it and thinking, “This is my lucky day.” Your children are watching you. They have learned from your example that honesty is the best policy.

In Responsibility, Part IV, we will focus on the last concept of teaching responsibility and the importance of consequences.

Taken from: www.parenting.org

RESPONSIBILITY, PART II

One of the most important character traits a parent can instill in his or her child is responsibility.

Responsibility is marked by how well we make choices in life and how we deal with the results. Responsible people purposefully choose their attitudes, words and actions, and accept responsibility for the consequences of these choices.

Responsibility is a complex virtue, requiring much time, patience and practice to acquire. Because responsibility is such a key element in leading a happy and productive adult life, we have devoted four articles on how parents can instill this virtue in their children.

There are 12 major concepts related to responsibility that parents must address when teaching their children to be responsible individuals. They are:

1. Being accountable
2. Exercising self-control
3. Planning and setting goals
4. Choosing positive attitudes
5. Doing one’s duty
6. Being self-reliant
7. Pursuing excellence
8. Being proactive
9. Being persistent
10. Being reflective
11. Setting a good example
12. Being morally autonomous

This is the second of the four articles. It focuses on the concepts 4 through 8.

4. Choosing Positive Attitudes. Responsible people accept control over their own emotions, and thus, their happiness. They choose positive attitudes like cheerfulness, enthusiasm and generosity. This is a difficult attribute to cultivate in teens because teenage insecurities often translate into sarcasm and anger, and because teens equate cynicism with maturity, often think they are right because they feel so strongly about things and tend to have a very narrow view of matters.

Parents may need to enlist the help of another adult their teen admires or trusts to deliver the message that everyone has the power to choose between positive and negative attitudes and to make positive and negative choices. The message can include these points:

• Attitudes often are products of feelings. Always acting on feelings alone is unhealthy and unwise.
• While initial emotional responses of anger, sadness and hopelessness may occur spontaneously, a person can change his or her perspective though reflection and willpower.
• How we react to an incident is determined by how we perceive facts and intentions. But our perceptions can often be based on erroneous assumptions produced by negative attitudes.
• Accept what you cannot change.
• Selfishness is self-destructive.
• Bad things do happen, but the happiest and most successful people in life learn to put tragedies, failures and hurt feelings behind them.

5. Doing One’s Duty. Responsible people follow through on their commitments. They keep their promises, even when it is not convenient or easy.

6. Being Self-Reliant. Responsible people manage their lives so they are not a burden to others. Parents should teach teens not to ask for assistance with tasks they (teens) are able to perform themselves.

7. Pursing Excellence. Responsible people strive for excellence, giving 100 percent of themselves to the task at hand. Responsible people also do the best they can with the resources at their disposal. A job well done boosts self-confidence and self-esteem. A parent’s role in a child’s pursuit of excellence is to praise worthy efforts and successes and to provide encouragement when things are not going well.

8. Being Proactive. Being proactive means taking the initiative to achieve self and community improvement. Responsible people try to change situations that need to be changed and to resolve social problems. Proactive people don’t just react to life; they seek to effect change in areas they can control. Parents must help teens identify their sphere of influence and teach them how to improve their own situation instead of expecting others to do it for them.

In Responsibility, Part III, we will focus on concepts 9 and 10 of teaching responsibility.

Taken from: www.parenting.org