Why You Need Key People
to Influence Your Child
Dana Hall McCain writes about marriage,
parenting, faith and wellness for print publications and iMOM.com. She’s a mom
of two, and has been married to a wonderful guy for 17 years.
There
will come a time in your child’s life—probably in the teen years—when he/she
will reject your advice simply because it came from you. As kids move toward
independence, pulling away from parents is a natural urge. But we all know that
teens still need good advice from someone older and wiser. That’s why you want
to make sure you have at least one other key influencer in your child’s life
whom both of you trust.
In
my kids’ school, I’ve noticed a handful of teachers and coaches who definitely
fill this role in the lives of many kids. They’re adults who have a true gift
for building authentic relationships with their students and maintain those
relationships well beyond graduation. By getting to know their students in a
real way, they’re able to speak truth into their lives at critical junctures.
In
some cases, a youth pastor or a small group leader may be the one your child
feels a connection to and looks to for advice. It could be an aunt or uncle or
a mature young adult just a few years their senior. Susan Merrill says she
learned how to enlist the help of relatives and friends to create needed
diversions for her children, too.
·
Place your child in the right environments.
You
can’t force the development of an authentic, influential relationship, but you
can improve the odds by putting your child in the right place around the right
people. Be proactive about getting your child plugged into a youth group
or program known for strong leaders with
a desire to engage teens. Is there a coach at your school who is gifted in this
area? Maybe encourage your child to try that sport, for no other reason but the
coach. When teens are consistently surrounded by people with strong values who
care about kids, the odds of a meaningful connection increase significantly.
·
Connect, be observant, but don’t hover.
Once
you’ve noticed another adult who has your teen’s attention, keep your eyes
open, but don’t hover. If you’re not personally acquainted with the influencer,
do your homework by asking other parents what they know about the leader or
coach. Privately reach out to him or her to let them know that you appreciate
their investment into your child, giving you a chance to get a feel for their
values and motivation. In a best-case scenario, you’ll develop a good
relationship and a tag-team approach that allows you to strategize with the
influencer over time to get your child headed in the right direction. But keep
it low key—if your teen senses that you’re meddling or pushing too hard, the
relationship might lose its appeal.
·
Resist jealousy.
If
the relationship your child has with an adult friend whom they admire makes you
a little jealous at times, that’s pretty normal. It can be maddening to give
your child a piece of advice repeatedly only to have it ignored, yet have them
grab onto the very same wisdom willingly when it comes from Mr. Cool. But
that’s the whole point here, right? We want them to hear and accept good
advice, no matter who delivers it. Just be thankful that the message is getting
through!
·
Trust your instincts if you suspect trouble.
Unfortunately,
in today’s world, there are a few people who would use their position and
influence over your child in a negative way. If your parenting radar picks up
even a hint of this, don’t ignore it. Even great schools, churches, and
organizations have a bad apple on staff occasionally. Don’t let your guard down
when it comes to proper travel arrangements, lodging arrangements, and accountability
for all. If a relationship becomes problematic or is yielding negative
outcomes, shut it down.
Taken from: http://www.imom.com/why-you-need-key-people-to-influence-your-child/
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