MAY 2 - 6

10 Parenting Habits to Develop Before Your Child Becomes a Teen

I started parenting habits prior to the "dreaded teen years" that I hope will carry my influence further and create a positive relationship with my teens.

By Jessica Bowers

It was during my 13-year-old's annual checkup that the doctor informed me that my parenting days are numbered. "You no longer have the greatest influence over your teenager. In fact, you come in fourth behind friends, teachers, and his doctor," he told me glibly. While I mentally threw a tantrum over his blasé inditement on my role as a parent, I considered whether I was willing to tuck my tail and move to the back of the line.

Admittedly, as I've moved into the role of parenting a teenager, the time that we spend together has been more restricted. Of course, that limits my overall influence, but I'm completely unwilling to watch from the back and hope for the best as my kids traverse their most formative years. Fortunately, by a heap of dumb luck, I have built some habits prior to the "dreaded teen years" that I hope will serve to carry my influence just a bit further and create a positive relationship with my teens.

1. Eat dinner together.

So much of successful teen parenting is about getting face time with them. So many other things vie for their attention that parents have to be diligent about getting noticed. Setting a habit to have one meal together every day carves out a time for all of you to reconnect.

2. Put away your phone at the table and when you drive.

I'll admit that this decision was first driven by fear and guilt. In other words, I felt guilty for wanting to surf Facebook while eating dinner, and I was fearful that if they saw me texting in the car, they would mimic that behavior. Sometimes fear and guilt serve us well. This is a habit that has helped to set a standard for how we interact with each other in the digital world. The times at the table and in the car are the most concentrated conversation moments of our day. I'm glad that we have all learned to put away the gadgets and use that time to connect.

3. Set aside time to talk about their day.

I'm sure you're starting to notice a trend. When it comes to teens, the biggest challenge is grabbing their attention. Before the busyness of high school hits, make sure you have a habit of checking in with each other every day. Maybe it's through text or email, but make it consistent. When your grown child calls you every Sunday, you'll thank yourself for the effort.

4. Make physical contact.

"Mother of Family Therapy" psychotherapist Virginia Satir said that people "need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth." Teenagers are definitely growing in so many ways, but they're not often cuddly. As kids hit the preteen years, make an effort to find new ways to keep the physical contact up. Maybe it's a quick scratch on the back or a smoothing of the hair. It doesn't have to be prolonged, but it has to be present.

5. Interact with their technology.

Technology is constantly changing, and consequently, blowing right past the parents of teenagers. It's almost expected that parents will be in the dark about the latest app. That is a dangerous place to be. By the time they hit the teen years, kids should be used to you knowing about what's new in their tech world and checking on how they're using it. While you're at it,put limits on their technology use and keep that up during the teen years.

6. Spend time with their friends.

While it's said that you can't choose your kid's friends, you can certainly know who they are. With such a high possibility of getting left out of the loop, knowing who your kids are with and what they're doing is key. Start this habit by being the parent with the best playdates, so your kids will be used to having you around with their friends. And heed this warning sign: if your kids are talking about people who you've never met and don't know anything about, it's time to get acquainted.

7. Understand their interests.

As soon as my kids start talking about Creepers, TNT, or anything related to Minecraft, I start wishing I had a dentist appointment to get me out of the conversation. The things that interest my kids are often boring to me, but because it matters to them, I pretend like it matters to me. Being willing to understand what matters to them is a huge relationship builder that carries over into the teen years.

8. Find a hobby to share.

When my son turned 10, we started running together and training for short races. It helped to burn off his pre-teen hormones and jumpstart my 30-something metabolism, but it also gave us another commonality and bonding point. Now, that he is a teenager, he looks forward to our runs (mostly because he is faster than me), but also because it's something special that defines our relationship.

9. Tuck them into bed.

Conventional parenting wisdom holds that the first three minutes after kids wake up and the last three minutes before they go to bed are the best times to connect with them. The magic behind bedtime conversations is simple: kids will do anything, even tell you the details of their day, to stay up a little later. Prior to the teen years, this is a great time to catch up with your kid, but it's a habit that should definitely continue as they age. Turns out, teens are just as willing to talk, and there's an even more serious reason why checking in at night should be your habit. If kids are going to start making dangerous choices, the evidence of those habits will be more obvious at night. We have checked in on our kids at night to find that they've snuck their iPads to bed or they're eating junk food after bedtime. More importantly, though, teens are so much more likely to get in trouble, including sneaking out, when they feel like their parents have gone "off-duty" for the night. Checking in reminds them that you're always present.

10. Let them fail (or succeed).

At the beginning of this parenting gig, you were quite literally responsible for your child's survival. Remember, the early years—what I like to call the "death watch" period—when you got to the end of every day grateful that they hadn't ingested bleach or fallen down the stairs? That kind of vigilance is a hard habit to break. It's best for parents to start early to begin to train themselves to give their kids space to try things on their own. That way, when it's time to let them go for good, you have enough practice to actually be able to do it.

Taken from: http://www.parenting.com/parenting-advice/tips-tricks/10-parenting-habits-to-develop-your-child-becomes-teen?socsrc=Parenting_FACEBOOK_20160417031555

April 25 - 29

REAL CONSEQUENCES FOR TEENS

I asked one of my mom friends recently what she thought of her 15-year-old daughter’s new boyfriend. “He’s fine, I suppose. We really worry more about Natalie than about him in terms of behavior.”

When I asked what concerned her about daughter’s behavior, she proceeded to tell me how Natalie had recently stolen alcohol from her parents and had been caught sneaking out of the house to meet the new boyfriend. “Wow,” I replied. “What did you and Brad do about it?”

“What can we do?” she replied. “We did bad things like that when we were teenagers—what can we say?”

Lots of parents feel like my friend: that it’s almost impossible to discipline teenagers. But it’s not just possible—it’s crucial. Teenagers are prone to taking real risks. Real parental consequences for teens discourage bad choices and protect them from themselves. So when it comes to providing guidance and discipline for your teen, remember these things:

Teens are not as grown-up on the inside as they are on the outside.

When your son has a deep voice, shaves, and you have to look up to make eye contact with him, you may be tempted to think of him as an adult. And while he is in the physical sense, he absolutely is not in the emotional sense. The human brain doesn’t completely mature until the early 20s, placing adolescents at risk. While teens are fully equipped intellectually, they don’t possess the self-control to avoid risky behaviors and make wise choices every time. So don’t be dazzled by your kid’s ability to argue his case or his imposing physical presence. He’s still a kid who needs good parenting.

While teens are increasingly independent, you still hold some important cards.

Many teens have a car, a phone, and cash in their pockets. Those three things are very empowering. If handled with maturity, they can be benign or even positive. If handled foolishly, they can help your child destroy herself. And 90% of the time, we parents purchased and handed over these powerful tools. When our teens are off course, we must have the backbone to rescind any of these privileges at a moment’s notice. Sometimes taking the car keys or the phone is just a means of getting your child’s attention in some other area of life, such as academic performance or respect. Other times, it’s the car or the phone itself which is being used in a dangerous or damaging way. So don’t believe the lie that there’s nothing you can do.

Parents of teens must be willing to be inconvenienced.

All discipline is hard work and, in the years of parenting small children, we seem willing to accept this. But when our kids begin to drive themselves around and put themselves to bed, we can become spoiled to the idea that “my work here is done.” But it’s far from done, Mom. I can still remember my father sitting in his recliner at 11:00 pm after a long day at work, waiting up to see that I made it home by curfew. Could he have gone on to bed and listened for the door? Maybe. But it wouldn’t have been the same as being up and having a conversation with me when I returned home. In those conversations, he asked about the evening’s events and—now I understand—looked for any sign that I might have been dabbling with drugs or alcohol. So when you’re driving the teen who has a license because you took away his driving privileges or waiting up when you are so tired you could cry, remember: Being inconvenienced is one of the hallmarks of good parenting. You’re probably doing something right.

Taken from: http://www.imom.com/real-consequences-for-teens/?utm_content=buffer910e1&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer#.Vw5Jg9QrJkh

APRIL 11 - 15

7 WAYS TO FIX RUDE TWEEN BEHAVIOR

Tips to deal with your child's attitude as she grows into a teenager

When my daughter, Anna, got home from school the other day, I told her, "We've got to get you new shoes. Take a quick break, and then let's jump in the car. "

In response, my usually mellow and mild-mannered 12-year-old threw down her backpack and snapped, "Oh. My. God. I JUST got home and you're not EVEN gonna let me rest for five minutes? FINE! LET'S GO! "

"We don't have to leave this instant," I said. "Let me get you some iced tea."

"NO! I have to get in the car. COME ON!"

"Hey, calm down. You can rest a minute..."

"YOU rest! I've got to go somewhere NOW!" And she slammed out the door.

"What's wrong with her?" my 8-year-old asked.

"I think the hormones have arrived, " I said.

"What the...?!"

When your tween starts talking back, or yelling at you or rolling her eyes every time you start to open your mouth, you're bound to feel shock, then maybe anger followed closely by hurt. "In the beginning you try to chalk it up to a reason, just as you did when she was younger: Is she hungry? Overtired? " says Christina Bess, the mom of a 9- and a 12-year-old in Maplewood, NJ. "And then you realize the reason is, she's a tween."

"The first time I heard her say something under her breath, I was surprised," says Gamin Summers of her "extra-sweet" 9-year-old daughter. "She'll mutter, 'You clean your room' at me. I know it's normal, but when you put everything into raising them right and they come back at you with disrespect, it stings and it makes you second-guess your parenting skills," adds the mom of five, including two tweens, from Flagstaff, AZ.

This may be especially true if it seems that your kid has gone from happy to snappy before her time. After all, this is the kind of behavior you expect from 13- and 14-year-olds—not kids who haven't even hit the double digits. But the onset of sassiness is not your fault. With adolescence looming, kids naturally feel compelled to start going their own way. "They're not intentionally being disobedient," says Mary-Ann Lowry, a parenting coach and educator from Thousand Oaks, CA. "They're on a path toward 'individuation,' when they really try to figure out who they are separate from you."

And then, of course, there are myriad outside influences. Thanks to cell phones and texting, for example, tweens are developing closer bonds with their peer groups and, as a result, pushing away from their parents at earlier ages. Plus, many TV shows and even books aimed at this age group often portray adults as clueless fools—as any parent who's been on the receiving end of "Duh!" can attest.

It's worth noting, too, that regardless of when tween 'tude sets in, boys and girls tend to act out differently. "Girls get dramatic and overreact, while boys alternate between withdrawing and being defiant," says Lowry. When Maura Rhodes, a mom of four in Montclair, NJ, mentioned that she didn't want her kids to grow up to be rude or ugly, her 10-year-old daughter, Eliza, fixated on the wrong message. "You just called me ugly!" she cried, and ran upstairs to her room, threw herself across her bed and sobbed. "Of course, I was referring to ugly behavior, " says Rhodes. "But Eliza homed in on the 'u' word and decided I was referring to her appearance—because, after all, she's a tween girl, and what else do tween girls care about?"

By contrast, Dawn Blanchfield's 12-year-old son, Kyle, is now bigger than she is and has taken to playing the tough guy. "He'll do that 'Yo, dawg, what up?' posturing. It can actually be intimidating to the entire family, but I don't think he realizes that," says the mom of two from Sacramento, CA.

The Blunder Years?

Life with a tween, boy or girl, can be baffling, challenging and a little scary sometimes—but it's also rewarding. "It's been fun to watch Eliza's interests and talents emerge as she comes into her own," says Rhodes. "It's also extra gratifying when she wants to cuddle or chat."

Some tips to help you both make it safely to the other side:

Maintain Your Parental Status

This is not the time to try to be your child's friend. Despite appearances to the contrary, "he's looking to you to help him get through this confusing stage," says Linda Sonna, Ph.D., author of The Everything Tween Book. "Ultimately, he'll take his cues for how to behave from the way that you deal with a given situation."

Draw Clear Lines in the Sand

You'll need to come up with some new rules as your tween exercises his growing independence. Start by figuring out what's most important to you, like right and wrong, honesty and grades, and let go of stuff that doesn't matter in the long run-keeping his room neat or wearing clean socks.

Then "make sure your kid knows where the nuclear switch is," says Jhoanna Wade, a mom of three, including a now 13-year-old, in New York City. "I'll ignore eye-rolling or heavy sighs, but my daughter knows that it's crossing the line to raise her voice or walk off in the middle of a conversation."

Same goes in the Blanchfield household: If Kyle keeps acting up after his mom tells him that his behavior is not okay, she'll often ask his stepdad to reinforce the message that he needs to listen to his mother and act in a more appropriate manner around his baby sister. Communicate as clearly and as calmly as you can as soon as any un-acceptable behavior begins. Try not to wait until it's out of control and your kid is screaming that he hates you.

Choose a Tween-Appropriate Punishment for Infractions

When your child was a toddler or preschooler—or maybe even as recently as a year ago—you could pretty much get her to do what you wanted with positive reinforcement (praising her for being good, showering her with stickers) and the occasional time-out. With a tween, however, most parents find they have to bring out the big guns; very few older kids are likely to change their behavior based on, say, the promise of an ice cream cone if they can go a week without stomping around the house.

"I find that taking away a favorite activity, like their Xbox or cell phone, is the best punishment when my kids talk back or mumble something rude under their breath," says San Diego mom Dana Hess, who has a 10- and a 14-year-old. Whatever you do decide, she warns, follow through. "Once you don't do what you say, they'll take total advantage, and you'll lose your upper hand again."

Linda McGivern, a mom of three in Rollinsford, NH, often has to play the heavy with her son, 12-year-old Elias. Recently, they were at a restaurant with family, talking about who was going with him to a movie later, a group of pals or a girlfriend.

"We're going together," Elias said.

"Everyone or just you and Rebecca?" his mom asked.

"What?"

"Who's going to the movie?"

"We are."

"Who's we?"

"Why don't you talk so I can understand you? No habla ingles? " Elias snarled. With that, McGivern sent him to sit out the rest of lunch in the car.

"Elias knows that he needs to speak to me respectfully or else he's going to suffer the consequences," says McGivern. "It's exhausting, but if I don't insist on this now, I'll be doing him a disservice. Can you imagine him talking to his wife that way?"

Reciprocate Respect

It's essential that you remind your child that you're a person, too. "I've told my daughter that it hurts when she screams at me or says she hates me," says Susan North-Tanaka, a mom of three in Long Beach, CA. "I tell her, 'I don't hate you, but it really hurts me to hear you say that to me.'?"

At the same time, remember that respect is a two-way street-especially when you start to get caught up in an emotionally charged argument. "I do sometimes apologize, " says Wade. "If I start to speak to my daughter before she finishes her sentence, for example, I'll say I'm sorry. I realize she's looking to be treated with respect, too, and I have to hold my own feet to the fire."

Let Her Stew

When a "discussion" between you and your tween leads to screaming or hysterics (on the part of your kid, of course!), step back and wait for things to calm down. Encouraging your child to take a break from a situation is a good way to defuse high emotions all around.

I'll stay calm and say, 'It seems like I can't talk to you right now, so go collect yourself and let's talk later,' " says Wade. "Sometimes she'll be crying so hard, she'll say, 'I can't calm down!' but a few minutes alone in her room always works. She's always in a better frame of mind when she comes out."

Set Aside Some Face Time

Take your tween out for breakfast or invite him along to walk the dog, just the two of you. Don't push an agenda, but do let your child lead the conversation, even if he just wants to chatter on about that DS game he's jonesing for. You never know where the conversation might lead—and even if it goes nowhere, you'll get points for listening.

Along the same vein, be ready to talk when your tween needs to. Sometimes Anna will wander in while I'm working on the computer to lament some schism with a friend at school, say. I'll make a pointed effort to stop what I'm doing and pay complete attention to what she's telling me. Even 20 minutes of focused conversation, I've found, does a lot of good, showing her that I do care about what she's going through and that I take it seriously. If I'm right in the middle of something, I'll make an "appointment" to meet with her downstairs in half an hour. I'll put on the kettle (in our household, a cup of tea represents calm and comfort), and we'll talk about whatever's on her mind then.

Ultimately, experts point out, your tween will continue to come to you if he knows you're likely to listen to him without jumping in to judge unimportant details.

Fan the Home Fires

As much as your child wants (and needs) to begin separating from Mom and Dad, he's still a kid and wants (and needs) to have a safety net. So provide one, as Hess did. When she felt extracurricular activities were pulling her kids too far out of the family fold, she designated Tuesdays as "Family Night, " meaning no friends, no activities, no computers, no texting and no video games. "The entire family hangs out and cooks together and plays games, with no outside influence," she says. "It reminds them that they're part of a family where they're okay just as themselves. They don't have to be anything else."

APRIL 4 - 8

How to Guide Teenagers in Showing Kindness

by Molly Thompson, Demand Media

Today's teens are often viewed as self-absorbed, and the news headlines feature stories of teen bullies and mean girls. But teens can be kind, too, and you can help your teen develop the habit of showing kindness for others. Teens might roll their eyes at "corny" stuff such as smiling at people and holding doors for others, so help them tap into their own version of kindness by coming up with things they can do in their own circles -- help the equipment manager stow team gear after a ball game, pump gas for Mom without being asked or carry a heavy backpack for a friend on crutches.

Step 1

Talk to your teen about what he thinks it means to be kind, then share your expectations for how he treats others. Kindness may seem an outdated notion to kids, but encourage them to look at a few of the "random acts of kindness" books or web sites to get ideas. Brainstorm to come up with specific acts he might do for his friends or neighbors. Identify opportunities where you can work together to do something kind for someone else. Remind him that being kind doesn't mean spending tons of money or time; rather, it's about making someone's day a bit easier or a little brighter.

Step 2

Model the kindness you want your teen to emulate. Teens recognize hypocrisy when they see it, and aren't likely to place much importance on being kind if your approach is of the "do as I say, not as I do" variety. Ensure your teen consistently sees you helping your neighbors, opening the door for people and being patient with the cashier who's struggling with a price scanner. She'll see that you're putting your money where your mouth is and begin to recognize the positive impact kindness has on others.

Step 3

Do things on a regular basis as a family that show kindness to others, so such actions become part of the routine for both your teen and his younger siblings. Serve as greeters at church or help out with a community park clean-up day. Take your teen along when you're delivering a meal to a family who's grieving or picking up a prescription for a sick friend. If you and your teen pull into the driveway and notice the elderly couple next door unloading groceries, take a minute, grab a few bags and help them out.

Step 4

Encourage your teen to show kindness in ways that appeal to her. By finding things in her own comfort zone, she's less likely to feel awkward or resentful. If she's a runner, sign up to hand out water at a community 10K race. Your athlete can play catch with a young neighbor and a computer whiz can help set up Grandpa's new computer. Encourage your teen to get some friends together to serve a meal at the senior center or be reading buddies to a group of kindergarteners.

Taken from: http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/guide-teenagers-showing-kindness-7280.html  

WEEK OF MARCH 28 - APRIL 1

HAPPY EASTER!
WELCOME BACK FROM A WELL DESERVED BREAK!

I came across this interesting article. I hope it will be be helpful for you and your child.
Have a lovely week!


DIEZ PELÍCULAS PARA TRABAJAR LA RESILIENCIA CON TUS HIJOS

http://www.aulaplaneta.com/2015/03/27/en-familia/diez-peliculas-para-trabajar-la-resiliencia-con-tus-hijos/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=postint&utm_campaign=rssint

MARCH 14 - 18

CÓMO ENSEÑAR A TOMAR DECISIONES Y CÓMO DAR

(O NO) PERMISOS

Elegir con criterio es lo mejor que puede aprender un hijo. Pero los padres dominantes o sobreprotectores le impiden hacerlo.

Desde que los hijos nacen, la vida del hogar gira en torno a ellos. Cómo formarlos y darles herramientas para vivir mejor en el futuro son inquietudes comunes a los padres.

Sin embargo, a menudo olvidan que también es importante enseñarles a decidir en cada momento lo que realmente quieren hacer y lo que es mejor para sí mismos.

Tomar decisiones es una de nuestras tareas más habituales, tanto que a veces lo hacemos casi de forma mecánica.

Sin embargo, se trata de un proceso con una técnica propia que debemos conocer bien. De que la dominemos o no, dependerán muchas consecuencias importantes -y otras de poca monta- en nuestra vida, cuya responsabilidad tendremos que asumir.

Por otra parte, si compartimos la opinión de que educar es ayudar a crecer en libertad y responsabilidad, tendremos que ayudar a nuestro hijo a aprender a tomar decisiones.

En cambio, son los padres sobreprotectores o dominantes quienes incapacitan a sus hijos para decidir, ya que por miedo a que se equivoquen o sufran o por afán de manejarlos en todo, coartan su libertad de elegir y su responsabilidad para asumir los resultados de esas elecciones.

Decidir es un excelente ejercicio del que un hijo podrá aprender mucho. Le valdrá para estimular algunas de sus capacidades intelectuales fundamentales, como analizar, comparar y valorar distintas opciones. También es oportunidad de probar en carne propia la ventaja de la prudencia.

Un hijo que toma decisiones sentirá que participa activamente, con protagonismo, en el rumbo de su propia vida y eso - en la medida y progresión adecuadas - será el mejor estímulo para crecer en madurez personal. Sobre todo, porque cuando un hijo toma sus primeras decisiones, realiza a la vez sus primeras renuncias.

Todos sabemos que muchas rabietas de los niños pequeños se deben a que lo quieren todo: precisamente cuando eligen y asumen la pérdida para sí mismos de lo que no eligieron, es cuando se da uno de los pasos más importantes del crecimiento.

Y si se equivoca… también podrá aprender la inestimable lección de cómo lamentar decisiones pasadas, analizar y buscar la falla y extraer las oportunas conclusiones.

Aunque nuestras decisiones suelen ser a menudo mecánicas, lo cierto es que lo que realizamos es todo un proceso de varias fases.

· 1: definir el problema u objetivo,

· 2: recoger la información que podamos sobre él.

· 3: tener claras las alternativas, y lo que sigue a continuación de cada una de éstas.

· 4: llevar a la práctica la decisión.

Por ejemplo, dos hermanos de 13 y 14 años no saben si ir a un paseo con sus padres porque están invitados el mismo día a un cumpleaños. Con esos datos suelen aparecer las posibles opciones -ir, no ir-, que tendrán que someter a una valoración: ¿Qué ventajas e inconvenientes presenta cada opción?

Sopesando el resultado de cada alternativa y su valoración, deberán decidir cuál de ella es más conveniente. Quizás opten por una que, objetivamente, no es la que más les conviene…. pero ahí entramos en el ámbito de la libertad humana.

Y los padres deben aprender a respetar esas primeras decisiones sin intervenir y mucho menos decir: ¡te dije!, o ¡yo sabía … !

Pero, tomada la decisión, queda un último paso, que, a menudo, es el más costoso: hay que llevarla a cabo.Siendo consecuente con las decisiones es como los seres humanos demostramos coherencia y responsabilidad.

¿Cómo es mi hijo?

Para orientar a nuestro hijo en la toma de decisiones, no siempre tendremos que potenciar las mismas fases del proceso. Cada hijo es diferente, y diferente ha de ser también la forma en que enseñemos a pensar, valorar, optar… Tendremos que apoyarnos en sus puntos fuertes, al tiempo que fortalecemos los débiles.

De una forma general, es posible establecer cuatro estilos personales:

El impulsivo: primero actúa y luego reflexiona… y se lleva las manos a la cabeza, porque las consecuencias son a menudo negativas, o se contraponen unas a otras.

Tendremos que ayudarlo en varios campos de la reflexión: invitándolo a dar razones de su elección antes de actuar, alentándolo para que busque varias opciones entre las que decidir y explicándole cómo puede valorar -incluso hay métodos cuantitativos para ello- sus pro y sus contras.

El indeciso: al contrario que el impulsivo, este hijo reflexiona todo antes de decidir. Tiene tanta aversión al riesgo que puede perder la oportunidad de tomar una decisión. Lo podremos ayudar proponiéndole un límite de tiempo en el que decidir, dándole muchas oportunidades en las que tenga que elegir una opción para crear el hábito, y fortaleciendo la seguridad en sí mismo con las palabras de ánimo.

El rígido: este hijo no se plantea siquiera la necesidad de tomar decisiones, ya que hace siempre las cosas del mismo modo, “porque siempre las he hecho así”. Necesita que le sugiramos nuevas alternativas con mayores ventajas, tendremos que encontrar la manera de hacerle ver el valor de la información previa antes de tomar una decisión, razonarle aquel refrán “rectificar es de sabios”, y hacerle entender que siempre se puede mejorar y sacar lecciones en la vida.

El prudente: probablemente es el niño mejor preparado para tomar decisiones, ya que sabe lo que quiere y cómo lograrlo, arriesgando únicamente lo necesario. Es lento en la reflexión y rápido en la ejecución.

CUANDO LA DECISIÓN ES DE LOS PADRES (PERMISOS DIFÍCILES)

· No permitir preguntas ‘urgentes’: las decisiones apresuradas no siempre son las correctas. Hay que pedir al hijo que dé la mayor cantidad de datos posibles: dónde, cuándo, con quiénes, traslados…

· Tampoco tramitar. El adolescente es impaciente. Tramitarlo dará origen a más presiones y la decisión final podrá responder no al bien del hijo sino al cansancio o, al revés, a querer devolver con un NO la insistencia del hijo.

· No convertir la casa en un “ring”. Siempre -¿quién no?- se ha muñequeado para lograr permisos y no se trata de que usted venga a demostrar ahora que la autoridad paterna siempre vence y aplasta.

· Es a veces el tono y la reacción desmedida de sus padres lo que lleva al adolescente a esconder información o, sencillamente, a mentir. Es básico ganarse la confianza de los hijos.

· Cuando queda un sabor amargo después de una discusión habrá que volver, no para decir “bueno ya, hazlo”, sino para mostrar al hijo cuánto se le quiere y que por eso es que se le ha negado el permiso.

· Evite ponerse a la altura del adolescente con los “No porque No”, portazos, gritos y comparaciones.

· Anime al hijo (a) a comprender los por qué (también de lo que se autoriza) de modo que acepte positivamente la autoridad de sus padres.

· Como siempre, los mejores panoramas pueden ser en la casa y por muy poco dinero: a los jóvenes les sigue gustando conversar, jugar, picotear y bailar. ¡Sea generoso e invítelos a su casa! Así se conoce además, a los amigos de los hijos y su forma de divertirse.

Para ayudar:

· Eduquen a su hijo en la toma de decisiones proporcionándole progresivamente campos en los que pueda tomar él las suyas propias. El hábito sólo será posible si le vamos dando oportunidades para desarrollarlo.

· Tengan en cuenta que cada vez que deciden ustedes en algo donde podía haberío hecho él sin consecuencias negativas, están dando un paso atrás en su educación.

· Felicítenlo y dénle ánimos cuando haya ponderado bien las decisiones que tomó, y respétenlas.

· Ayúdenle a pensar y a plantearse preguntas: ¿Qué quieres conseguir? ¿Qué caminos tienes para llegar a eso? ¿Qué tiene de bueno y malo cada opción?…

· Y si se equivoca… sean ustedes los primeros en animarlo y ayudarlo a enmendar la situación, recordándole que errar es de humanos.

· Recuerden que deben darle el ejemplo de seguir adelante, ser consecuentes con las propias decisiones y esforzarse en enmendar las meteduras de pata, sin agachar la cabeza ni hacer dramas.

· Sean cautos al darle libertad -a corto, medio y largo plazo-, ateniéndose siempre a su integridad moral y anímenlo a asumir las consecuencias de sus actos, advirtiéndole de ellas a tiempo, pero sin sentenciarlo.

· Exíjanle la realización de lo que haya decidido, para que aprenda a responsabilizarse de sus propias acciones. Por ejemplo, si van de compras y se decide por una ropa cara, tendrá que comprometerse y cumplir su palabra de que la usará con frecuencia y la cuidará especialmente. Pueden ver la posibilidad de que renuncie a otras prendas o caprichos para compensar, en parte, la diferencia de precio.

¿QUIÉN DECIDE QUÉ COSA?

I. Decisiones que deben tomar los padres:

· Formación y objetivos en la educación de los hijos

· Presupuesto familiar

· Normas de convivencia.

II. Decisiones que pueden tomar -juntos- padres e hijos:

· La elección del Instituto o Universidad

· Cambio de domicilio

· Salidas nocturnas

· Estudios complementarios o trabajos de verano.

III. Decisiones que pueden tomar los hijos tras conversar con sus padres:

· Elegir carrera

· Fiestas extraordinarias

· Clases particulares

· Actividades con los amigos.

IV. Decisiones que pueden tomar los hijos informando luego a sus padres:

· Horario de estudio y tiempo libre, deportes

· Salidas diurnas

· Forma de vestir, compras con su mesada o ahorros.

V. Decisiones que pueden tomar los hijos solos:

· Utilización de su ropa y objetos personales

· Actividades cotidianas (esto es bastante amplio, pero dice relación con la intimidad que un hijo de esta edad necesita: cómo tener ordenados sus cajones, sus libros, su ropa; la manera con que enfrenta un malentendido con un amigo, un horario de estudio…).

Tomado de: http://es.aleteia.org/2016/02/23/como-ensenar-a-tomar-decisiones-y-como-dar-o-no-permisos/

MARCH 7 - 11

10 PARENTING HABITS TO DEVELOP BEFORE YOUR CHILD BECOMES A TEEN

I started parenting habits prior to the "dreaded teen years" that I hope will carry my influence further and create a positive relationship with my teens.

It was during my 13-year-old's annual checkup that the doctor informed me that my parenting days are numbered. "You no longer have the greatest influence over your teenager. In fact, you come in fourth behind friends, teachers, and his doctor," he told me glibly. While I mentally threw a tantrum over his blasé inditement on my role as a parent, I considered whether I was willing to tuck my tail and move to the back of the line.

Admittedly, as I've moved into the role of parenting a teenager, the time that we spend together has been more restricted. Of course, that limits my overall influence, but I'm completely unwilling to watch from the back and hope for the best as my kids traverse their most formative years. Fortunately, by a heap of dumb luck, I have built some habits prior to the "dreaded teen years" that I hope will serve to carry my influence just a bit further and create a positive relationship with my teens.

1. Eat dinner together.

So much of successful teen parenting is about getting face time with them. So many other things vie for their attention that parents have to be diligent about getting noticed. Setting a habit to have one meal together every day carves out a time for all of you to reconnect.

2. Put away your phone at the table and when you drive.

I'll admit that this decision was first driven by fear and guilt. In other words, I felt guilty for wanting to surf Facebook while eating dinner, and I was fearful that if they saw me texting in the car, they would mimic that behavior. Sometimes fear and guilt serve us well. This is a habit that has helped to set a standard for how we interact with each other in the digital world. The times at the table and in the car are the most concentrated conversation moments of our day. I'm glad that we have all learned to put away the gadgets and use that time to connect.

3. Set aside time to talk about their day.

I'm sure you're starting to notice a trend. When it comes to teens, the biggest challenge is grabbing their attention. Before the busyness of high school hits, make sure you have a habit of checking in with each other every day. Maybe it's through text or email, but make it consistent. When your grown child calls you every Sunday, you'll thank yourself for the effort.

4. Make physical contact.

"Mother of Family Therapy" psychotherapist Virginia Satir said that people "need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth." Teenagers are definitely growing in so many ways, but they're not often cuddly. As kids hit the preteen years, make an effort to find new ways to keep the physical contact up. Maybe it's a quick scratch on the back or a smoothing of the hair. It doesn't have to be prolonged, but it has to be present.

5. Interact with their technology.

Technology is constantly changing, and consequently, blowing right past the parents of teenagers. It's almost expected that parents will be in the dark about the latest app. That is a dangerous place to be. By the time they hit the teen years, kids should be used to you knowing about what's new in their tech world and checking on how they're using it. While you're at it, put limits on their technology use and keep that up during the teen years.

6. Spend time with their friends.

While it's said that you can't choose your kid's friends, you can certainly know who they are. With such a high possibility of getting left out of the loop, knowing who your kids are with and what they're doing is key. Start this habit by being the parent with the best play dates, so your kids will be used to having you around with their friends. And heed this warning sign: if your kids are talking about people who you've never met and don't know anything about, it's time to get acquainted.

7. Understand their interests.

As soon as my kids start talking about Creepers, TNT, or anything related to Minecraft, I start wishing I had a dentist appointment to get me out of the conversation. The things that interest my kids are often boring to me, but because it matters to them, I pretend like it matters to me. Being willing to understand what matters to them is a huge relationship builder that carries over into the teen years.

8. Find a hobby to share.

When my son turned 10, we started running together and training for short races. It helped to burn off his pre-teen hormones and jumpstart my 30-something metabolism, but it also gave us another commonality and bonding point. Now, that he is a teenager, he looks forward to our runs (mostly because he is faster than me), but also because it's something special that defines our relationship.

9. Tuck them into bed.

Conventional parenting wisdom holds that the first three minutes after kids wake up and the last three minutes before they go to bed are the best times to connect with them. The magic behind bedtime conversations is simple: kids will do anything, even tell you the details of their day, to stay up a little later. Prior to the teen years, this is a great time to catch up with your kid, but it's a habit that should definitely continue as they age. Turns out, teens are just as willing to talk, and there's an even more serious reason why checking in at night should be your habit. If kids are going to start making dangerous choices, the evidence of those habits will be more obvious at night. We have checked in on our kids at night to find that they've snuck their iPads to bed or they're eating junk food after bedtime. More importantly, though, teens are so much more likely to get in trouble, including sneaking out, when they feel like their parents have gone "off-duty" for the night. Checking in reminds them that you're always present.

10. Let them fail (or succeed).

At the beginning of this parenting gig, you were quite literally responsible for your child's survival. Remember, the early years—what I like to call the "death watch" period—when you got to the end of every day grateful that they hadn't ingested bleach or fallen down the stairs? That kind of vigilance is a hard habit to break. It's best for parents to start early to begin to train themselves to give their kids space to try things on their own. That way, when it's time to let them go for good, you have enough practice to actually be able to do it.

Taken from: http://www.parenting.com/parenting-advice/tips-tricks/10-parenting-habits-to-develop-your-child-becomes-teen?socsrc=Parenting_20160208175500