SEPTEMBER 22 - 26

Discipline for Teens

Lifting up our teens with affirmation, blameless love, and connectedness is critical for their health. But like a table, a fourth leg is needed to keep things on an equilibrium—the leg of parental guidance and enforced boundaries. If teens are to stay safe and healthy, your love must be balanced by and actively demonstrated through appropriate, loving discipline.

The term discipline has several meanings, and the nuances are worth examining. The dictionary’s first definition of the noun discipline is “training that develops self-control, character, or orderliness and efficiency.” Yet when most parents hear the word discipline, they equate it with “punishment,” which is the fourth meaning given by the dictionary.

Just because your teens are nearing full physical maturation doesn’t mean your days of parental discipline are over. Just the contrary. Teens still disobey, still act untrustworthy, and still display woeful attitudes around the house on occasion. Obviously, the old methods of discipline no longer work. You can’t ask Johnny to stand in a corner or turn a rebellious teen over your knee for an old-fashioned spanking. Those days are long gone, but good discipline is absolutely necessary and helps teens learn to function in a highly healthy fashion.

Maintaining discipline will require occasional instances of punishment — and the more creative, the better. Telling your teen he can’t see his friends ever again is over the top, but a Friday night without TV or videos or computer games will capture his attention. Extra chores around the house can send a message. And don’t forget that teens who drive hate to lose the keys to the family car. Right discipline defines protective boundaries and reminds your teen that there will invariably be consequences for breaching those boundaries.

Discipline your children while you still have the chance; indulging them destroys them. Wise discipline imparts wisdom; spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents. (King Solomon — The Message)

Six Keys to Protecting Teens through Discipline

Long before I left my medical practice to work for Focus on the Family, I had read every Dr. Dobson book on how to raise children and be a good parent. Dr. Dobson articulated his classic principles so well I don’t think you have to go anywhere else.

Barb and I felt as though we were sitting at his feet whenever we read — and reread — a chapter from Dare to Discipline or The Strong-Willed Child.

From Dr. Dobson’s writings, we found six key principles, which I outlined in God’s Design for the Highly Healthy Child and apply here to teens:

1.    Define the boundaries before they are enforced.

Teens have the right to know what is and what is not acceptable behavior before they are held responsible for breaking the rules. You can’t say “You have to be in by 11:00 p.m.” and not tell your teens what the consequences are for being fifteen minutes late, thirty minutes late, or one hour late. If you’re going to enforce curfew by the minute, then say so. If you’re going to have a fifteen-minute grace period before they’re officially late, then say so. Either way, let them know in advance what the consequences are for breaking curfew.

2.    Avoid making impossible demands.

Sure, all parents would love their kids to take AP courses, get high SAT scores, and have 4.0 report cards. But few teens are capable of being whizzes in the classroom. Even in this era of grade inflation, a straight-A report card is still a rare event in school these days. By the same token, some dads want to relive their glory days on the gridiron, so they place subtle pressure on their sons to be All-League football players when in actuality they contribute to the team in a backup role. Parents should set the bar, but it takes a thoughtful parent to place the bar just high enough to push his or her teen to greater heights without deflating the ego. Is your teen performing at a level that makes sense for his or her gifts and abilities? If so,you’ve set the bar at the right height.

3.    Distinguish between irresponsibility and willful defiance.

Teens can act goofy sometimes or like little Machiavellians. There’s a difference between irresponsibility, such as leaving the car windows down overnight when a thunderstorm hits, and willful defiance, such as coming in after midnight when he knew full well he should have been home an hour earlier. This is an area where you can show grace — God’s grace — as you effectively discern what your teen’s motives were for his or her acts of negligence or defiance.

4.    When defiantly challenged, respond with confident decisiveness.

Intuitively you know the difference between irresponsibility and willful defiance, and when your teen has thrown down the gauntlet, you must respond in kind. Dr. Dobson suggests that when children “make it clear that they’re looking for a fight, you would be wise not to disappoint them!”When nose-to-nose confrontations happen, it’s extremely important to know ahead of time what you will do — and then to respond confidently.

5.    Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over. 

Remember how you hugged your toddler after a spanking to let him know that everything was going to be all right? You don’t spank teens, of course, but they still need to hear your reassurance that you love them. You may need to remind them of the ways they can avoid correction or punishment in the future. Teens never outgrow their need for reassurance after times of discipline.

6.    Let love be your guide!

It doesn’t do any good to get into a shouting match. Sure, your teens will do things to make you angry, but you must keep your cool. During these few remaining years they live under your roof, you have a powerful opportunity to model adult ways of handling conflict, which will help them in the workplace and in their relationships in the future.

Taken from: http://www.imom.com/discipline-for-teens/ 

SEPTEMBER 15 - 19

6 Good Habits Your Kids Need

Kids need to learn a lot of things as they grow, but these 6 will help them thrive and be happy throughout life.

By Amy Peterson

It’s tempting, as a parent, to make life happy and easy for your children. After all, they are completely helpless when they are born, and rely on parents and caregivers for everything. Part of parenting is teaching children to be responsible and capable. There are many habits children need to develop. Here are six good habits every child needs.

1. Saying thank you

Expressing gratitude is a habit that will help kids throughout their lives. The habit of merely saying "thank you" will take root, and real feelings of gratitude will develop. I've met resistance when forcing children to say thanks, particularly when they are very young or dealing with strangers, so I don't push too hard with little kids. As you model polite manners and help kids write thank-you notes for gifts, they'll learn to show thankfulness. Grateful people are happy people; thus, the gift of gratitude is a good one to give.

2. Smiling

Children who are happy smile often. They are prompted to do so from their very first smiles, as parents encourage and coo in response. When children smile at others, they remind adults that there is good in the world. Happy children are respected and liked. I encourage my children to be friendly to everyone, old and young. Learning to give a simple smile can lift others up and spread happiness every day. I know my mood improves when I receive a smile from a child.

3. Waiting

Patience is hard for children, but studies show those who delay gratification are more successful in life. This starts with learning to wait. Not everyone can be first down the slide or first to receive a special treat. Children also can't monopolize the attention of teachers or adults. To practice this skill, take children to places where other children are, like parks and children's museums or zoos. Make sure your child has plenty of experience socializing with others and being in places where their needs can't always be met immediately. Patience is a lesson that must be taught often and, ironically, takes patience to teach.

4. Picking up after themselves

I know I'm not the only mother who finds herself saying "This is not a hotel, and I am not a maid" when I find myself picking up after the other five people who live in my house. Most people spend much of their lives living with others. I'm trying to teach my creative but messy teen to pick up her things not only in her room, but in common areas, as well. Cleaning up after themselves teaches children to be respectful of their belongings and think of the comfort of others. It also helps them learn that everyone must work together to make a home function well.

5. Drinking water

A healthy habit of water drinking will keep your child happy and his or her body strong. Water helps with overall mood, energy, good digestion and is the best beverage for children. If children drink water most of the time, they will not crave sweet beverages that lead to tooth decay and childhood obesity. If ever my kids say they have a headache or are not feeling well, my first prescription is a drink of water. They know that before they have lemonade or orange juice at a meal when it is served, they have to have a glass of water first.

6. Sharing

This is a difficult lesson to learn, but one that will cultivate a life of service and thinking of others. Toddlers are quite possessive of their toys, and young children seem to delight in only wanting a toy that someone else is playing with. Model sharing with your young children as you play with them, and expect it of older children. The phrase "Can I have the next turn, please" has worked well in our home. Knowing how to share helps kids to be generous, thoughtful and aware of others.

Some of these habits will take years to fully teach. If you start when your children are young, by the time they are young adults they will have cultivated these six good habits and several others, even if they don't always pick up their socks.

Amy Peterson

Amy M. Peterson, a former high school English teacher, currently lives in Oregon with her husband and four children. She spends her days writing, reading, exercising and trying to get her family to eat more vegetables.

 Taken from: http://familyshare.com/6-good-habits-your-kids-need 

SEPTEMBER 8 - 12

HOW TO ESTABLISH TRUST WITH YOUR TEENAGERS

They look like adults, talk like adults and want to be adults more than anything -- but they aren't. Yet. Here are a few tips on establishing trust with your teens as they prepare to enter the big wide world.

By:  Margaret Crowe is a poet and mother of two from Charlotte, North Carolina.

We love them with all of our hearts and yet they can constantly keep us guessing. Teenagers… It seems at times that every new day presents some different challenge that can come between us and a strong relationship with our teens. At this stage of the game, the greatest gift we can give our kids is our trust. By now, we’ve spent more than a decade modeling, instilling and refining the values we want for them. It’s time to let the rubber meet the road.

I’m certainly not suggesting that this is easy. Simultaneously, our teens are testing their boundaries, striving with everything in them for independence, and frequently trying to shake off the parents who can be such a cramp in their style. Still, if we are to survive this ultimate transition into adulthood, it will best serve our relationship with our teens by loosening the reigns.

The good news is that by being consistent and patient, we can still easily reach our teens where they still need us. The following tips may be helpful as you begin to allow yourself to trust your teen out in the big wide world.

Be trustworthy

Yep, there it is. Just like every other stage in your child’s development, it’s critical to lead by example. Keep your promises. Show up for your children. Live in a way that allows you to be candid and open with them about your life, just as you expect it from them. When we begin to treat our teens with the same respect we offer other adults, they can sense that we honor their thought processes and decision making.

Listen purely

Any time you find your teen willing to talk with you about her life is a priceless opportunity. Thank her for her openness. Try not to talk too much. Ask your teen if she wants your input, and if she does, keep it brief. A lot of times teens don’t hear much after the first few sentences anyway. Don’t reward your teen’s willingness to be honest with you with a lecture. Make dialogue a pleasant experience for her, and she’ll be more likely to come to you when she needs help.

Start today

Trust is built one brick at a time. Whether you’re setting out to give your teen new freedoms or recovering and rebuilding from broken trust, it is parents that have to take the lead. Try a new curfew. Give your teen a twenty and ask him to bring you back the change. Give him a clear idea of what your expectation is in as few words as possible, and let him know that you are giving them the gift of your trust. Again, now is not the time to lecture him, but rather to allow him to know that the trust is not a question for you. Choose to give it as a gift.

Let them make mistakes

Teens are just adults in the making. How do we learn best? Personally, I have learned the most profound lessons of my life by making mistakes. I’m grateful for the grace to move past those mistakes and get another opportunity to get it right. Allow your teens the natural consequences of their mistakes, but be there to support them in getting a fresh start. Encourage them that there is always another chance to rebuild trust in your relationship. Encourage yourself by remembering that the teen years are all about trial and error. Eventually, your teen will find his way.

Spend time together

This tip can be more and more challenging as our teens develop their own social lives and priorities. Make certain you set aside time to simply “be” together. A great way to stay connected with your teen and build trust is to take an interest in the things they like to do — even if it’s really not your bag. I’ve been known to spend an hour playing video games with my son, which is totally not my thing, but I love having him take the time to show me how to do something he really enjoys. This time is fertile ground for excellent conversation, and it doesn’t have to be too heavy.

These simple suggestions can be the beginnings of an easier road through the teen years. Loving our kids as much as we do, we can often go to one extreme or another and risk becoming too loose or too controlling. Fortunately, the best guides for what our children need are our children themselves. Take time to listen to what your teen is really saying to you about what they need.

Taken from: http://familyshare.com/how-to-establish-trust-with-your-teenagers

SEPTEMBER 1 - 5

6 GOOD HABITS YOUR KIDS NEED

 Kids need to learn a lot of things as they grow, but these 6 will help them thrive and be happy throughout life.

By: Amy M. Peterson, a former high school English teacher, currently lives in Oregon with her husband and four children. She spends her days writing, reading, exercising and trying to get her family to eat more vegetables.

It’s tempting, as a parent, to make life happy and easy for your children. After all, they are completely helpless when they are born, and rely on parents and caregivers for everything. Part of parenting is teaching children to be responsible and capable. There are many habits children need to develop. Here are six good habits every child needs.

1. Saying thank you

Expressing gratitude is a habit that will help kids throughout their lives. The habit of merely saying "thank you" will take root, and real feelings of gratitude will develop. I've met resistance when forcing children to say thanks, particularly when they are very young or dealing with strangers, so I don't push too hard with little kids. As you model polite manners and help kids write thank-you notes for gifts, they'll learn to show thankfulness. Grateful people are happy people; thus, the gift of gratitude is a good one to give.

2. Smiling

Children who are happy smile often. They are prompted to do so from their very first smiles, as parents encourage and coo in response. When children smile at others, they remind adults that there is good in the world. Happy children are respected and liked. I encourage my children to be friendly to everyone, old and young. Learning to give a simple smile can lift others up and spread happiness every day. I know my mood improves when I receive a smile from a child.

3. Waiting

Patience is hard for children, but studies show those who delay gratification are more successful in life. This starts with learning to wait. Not everyone can be first down the slide or first to receive a special treat. Children also can't monopolize the attention of teachers or adults. To practice this skill, take children to places where other children are, like parks and children's museums or zoos. Make sure your child has plenty of experience socializing with others and being in places where their needs can't always be met immediately. Patience is a lesson that must be taught often and, ironically, takes patience to teach.

4. Picking up after themselves

I know I'm not the only mother who finds herself saying "This is not a hotel, and I am not a maid" when I find myself picking up after the other five people who live in my house. Most people spend much of their lives living with others. I'm trying to teach my creative but messy teen to pick up her things not only in her room, but in common areas, as well. Cleaning up after themselves teaches children to be respectful of their belongings and think of the comfort of others. It also helps them learn that everyone must work together to make a home function well.

5. Drinking water

A healthy habit of water drinking will keep your child happy and his or her body strong. Water helps with overall mood, energy, good digestion and is the best beverage for children. If children drink water most of the time, they will not crave sweet beverages that lead to tooth decay and childhood obesity. If ever my kids say they have a headache or are not feeling well, my first prescription is a drink of water. They know that before they have lemonade or orange juice at a meal when it is served, they have to have a glass of water first.

6. Sharing

This is a difficult lesson to learn, but one that will cultivate a life of service and thinking of others. Toddlers are quite possessive of their toys, and young children seem to delight in only wanting a toy that someone else is playing with. Model sharing with your young children as you play with them, and expect it of older children. The phrase "Can I have the next turn, please" has worked well in our home. Knowing how to share helps kids to be generous, thoughtful and aware of others.

Some of these habits will take years to fully teach. If you start when your children are young, by the time they are young adults they will have cultivated these six good habits and several others, even if they don't always pick up their socks.

Taken from: http://familyshare.com/6-good-habits-your-kids-need

AUGUST 25 - 29

Why You Need Key People to Influence Your Child

Dana Hall McCain writes about marriage, parenting, faith and wellness for print publications and iMOM.com. She’s a mom of two, and has been married to a wonderful guy for 17 years.

There will come a time in your child’s life—probably in the teen years—when he/she will reject your advice simply because it came from you. As kids move toward independence, pulling away from parents is a natural urge. But we all know that teens still need good advice from someone older and wiser. That’s why you want to make sure you have at least one other key influencer in your child’s life whom both of you trust.

In my kids’ school, I’ve noticed a handful of teachers and coaches who definitely fill this role in the lives of many kids. They’re adults who have a true gift for building authentic relationships with their students and maintain those relationships well beyond graduation. By getting to know their students in a real way, they’re able to speak truth into their lives at critical junctures.

In some cases, a youth pastor or a small group leader may be the one your child feels a connection to and looks to for advice. It could be an aunt or uncle or a mature young adult just a few years their senior. Susan Merrill says she learned how to enlist the help of relatives and friends to create needed diversions for her children, too.

Here’s why you need key people—other than you and your husband—to influence your child.

·         Place your child in the right environments.

You can’t force the development of an authentic, influential relationship, but you can improve the odds by putting your child in the right place around the right people. Be proactive about getting your child plugged into a youth group or program known for strong leaders with a desire to engage teens. Is there a coach at your school who is gifted in this area? Maybe encourage your child to try that sport, for no other reason but the coach. When teens are consistently surrounded by people with strong values who care about kids, the odds of a meaningful connection increase significantly.

·         Connect, be observant, but don’t hover.

Once you’ve noticed another adult who has your teen’s attention, keep your eyes open, but don’t hover. If you’re not personally acquainted with the influencer, do your homework by asking other parents what they know about the leader or coach. Privately reach out to him or her to let them know that you appreciate their investment into your child, giving you a chance to get a feel for their values and motivation. In a best-case scenario, you’ll develop a good relationship and a tag-team approach that allows you to strategize with the influencer over time to get your child headed in the right direction. But keep it low key—if your teen senses that you’re meddling or pushing too hard, the relationship might lose its appeal.

·         Resist jealousy.

If the relationship your child has with an adult friend whom they admire makes you a little jealous at times, that’s pretty normal. It can be maddening to give your child a piece of advice repeatedly only to have it ignored, yet have them grab onto the very same wisdom willingly when it comes from Mr. Cool. But that’s the whole point here, right? We want them to hear and accept good advice, no matter who delivers it. Just be thankful that the message is getting through!

·         Trust your instincts if you suspect trouble.

Unfortunately, in today’s world, there are a few people who would use their position and influence over your child in a negative way. If your parenting radar picks up even a hint of this, don’t ignore it. Even great schools, churches, and organizations have a bad apple on staff occasionally. Don’t let your guard down when it comes to proper travel arrangements, lodging arrangements, and accountability for all. If a relationship becomes problematic or is yielding negative outcomes, shut it down.

Taken from: http://www.imom.com/why-you-need-key-people-to-influence-your-child/

AUGUST 18 - 22

10 Habits of High Effective Students

Some people believe that really successful students are just born that way. True, some students are able to breeze through school with little or no effort. However, the vast majority of successful students achieve their success by developing and applying effective study habits. The following are the top 10 study habits employed by highly successful students. So if you want to become a succesful student, don't get discouraged, don't give up, just work to develop each of the study habits below and you're see your grades go up, your knowledge increase and your ability to learn and assimilate information improve.

1. Don't try cram all your studying into one session.

Successful students typically space their work out over shorter periods of time and rarely try to cram all of their studying into just one or two sessions. If you want to become a successful student then you need to learn to be consistent in your studies and to have regular, yet shorter, study periods.

2. Plan when you're going to study.

Successful students schedule specific times throughout the week when they are going to complete their studying -- and then they stick with their schedule. Students who study sporadically and whimsically typically do not perform as well as students who have a set study schedule.

3. Study at the same time.

Not only is it important that you plan when you're going to study but that you also create a consistent, daily study routine. When you study at the same time each day and each week you're studying will become a regular part of your life. You'll be mentally and emotionally more prepared for each study session and each study session will become more productive.

4. Each study time should have a specific goal.

Simplying studying without direction is not effective. You need to know exactly what you need to accomplish during each study session. Before you start studying set a study session goal that supports your overall academic goal (i.e. memorize 30 vocabulary words in order to ace the vocabulary section on an upcoming Spanish test.)

5. Never procrasitinate your planned study session.

Its very easy, and common, to put off your study session because of lack of interest in the subject, because you have other things you need to get done first or just because the assignment is hard. Successful students DO NOT procrastinate studying. If you procrastinate your study session, your studying will become much less effective and you may get everything accomplished that you need to. Procrastination also leads to rushing, and rushing is the number one cause of errors.

6. Start with the most difficult subject first.

As your most diffult assignment or subject will require the most effort and mental energy you should start with it first. Once you've completed the most difficult work it will be much easy to complete the rest of your work. Believe it or not, starting with the most difficult work will greatly improve the effectiveness of your study sessions and your academic performance.

7. Alway review your notes before starting an assigment.

Obviously, before you can review your notes you must first have notes. Always make sure to take good notes in class. Before you start each study session and before you start a particular assignment review your notes thoroughly to make sure you know how to complete the assignment correctly.

8. Make sure you're not disturbed whiles you're studying

When you're disturbed while you're studying you (1) loose your train of thought and (2) you get distracted -- both of which will lead to very ineffective studying. Before you start studying find a place where you won't be disturbed.

9. Use study groups effectively

Ever heard the phrase "two heads are better than one"? Well this can be especially true when it comes to studying. Working in groups enables you to (1) get help from other students when you're struggling to understand a concept, (2) complete assignments more quickly, and (3) teach others whereby helping both the other student and yourselve to internalize the subject matter. However, study groups can become very ineffective if they're not structured and if groups members come unprepared. Effective students use study groups effectively.

10. Review your notes, schoolwork and other class materials over the weekend.

Successful students review what they've learned during the week over the weekend. This way they're well prepared to continue learning new concepts at the beginning of each week that build upon previous coursework and knowledge acquired the previous week.

We're confident that if you'll develop the habits outlined above that you'll see a major improvement in your academic success.

Taken from: http://www.educationcorner.com/habits-of-successful-students.html

AUGUST 11 - 15

How Teens Can Build Better Time Management and Study Skills

Getting good grades isn’t easy, and understanding how to make the best use of your time and effort takes careful planning. It also helps to be a strategic learner. That means you:

·         Plan how you are going to learn and manage your time in the process;

·         Use the skills you have to learn the task at hand;

·         Keep track of the progress you're making.

Time Management Skills

Developing a system for managing time can be the single most important step you take. The pressure of trying to stick to a schedule can be stressful. It may take great effort, help and practice to find a system that works for you. Start by asking yourself the following questions:

·         How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

·         What time of day am I most alert?

·         How long can I study in one sitting?

·         What types of things distract me the most?

·         What rewards can I give myself to stay motivated?

·         How long do my different commitments really take and how much leisure time can I expect to have?

Tips

·         Study for short periods of time and plan to reward yourself after completing a predetermined amount of reading, writing or reviewing. Take needed breaks and be sure to monitor the progress you are making along the way.

·         Try to develop a study routine, and select a preferred time and place to study. If it helps, change your routine each week and try different places to study. Be flexible, but also be sensitive to what works best for you.

·         Find ways to stay organized. For example, try using index cards and wall calendars. These simple tools can be quite helpful in helping you to arrange and manage your time. A large monthly wall calendar can be useful and you might consider making copies of your schedule on index cards that you can carry with you. If you prefer to use a computer, smartphone or tablet, there are numerous software programs available with built-in calendars and reminders. There are even watches available that have calendars that can be programmed.

·         To figure out how much time to set aside for long-term projects, first list all the steps required to complete the project. Next, estimate how much time you'll need to finish each step and then, count backward from the due date. Always allow more time than you think you will need for each step. If you are not sure about the project’s requirements, speak to the professor, teacher’s assistant, or learning specialist about how many steps are involved and what each step entails. This can give you a better sense of the time you'll need to finish the project. It also can help relieve some of the anxiety of the “unknown” in tackling a new project.

·         Keep the syllabuses for all of your courses in a place where they won’t get lost. Make extra copies, just in case. Make sure that you know the due dates for each assignment. Sometimes you can ask the professor to set interim due dates for you to turn in parts of the assignment. This can help you get each step done on time.

·         Build in a little extra time for unexpected problem-solving. Be prepared for projects to take longer than originally planned.

The main goal of time management should be to strike the right balance of work, academics and social activities. Smart planning will give you enough time for both work and play.

Taken from: http://www.ncld.org/students-disabilities/homework-study-skills/study-skills-teens