Effective
communication is one of the keys to success in life, and when you’re good at
it, people notice. When you mention improving communication skills to most
people they tend to think this means developing persuasive speech and
conversational skills, but that is only a part of it. To be a really effective
communicator you have to understand just how important it is to be an effective
listener!
“Why
do you think we have two ears and only one mouth?” There’s major clue about the
importance of listening in that question. Always remember that listening is at
least 50% of the communication effort so it’s well worth your time and effort
to develop this precious skill, too.
None
of your persuasive, conversational skills will matter if you don’t listen too.
Think about it: don’t you always know when you are talking to someone and they
are not listening to you? Of course you do, and it works both ways. You want
your audience to be an effective listener so return the compliment and make
sure you are one too.
Fight
the urge to speak. Sometimes
when you’re engaged in a heated conversation, you start to concentrate on what
you’re going to say next. You may even be tempted to open your mouth before the
other person is finished. Make the extra effort to keep your lips sealed until
they’ve finished talking. While they’re speaking, don’t worry about what
you’re going to say or how you’re going to say it. Instead, focus on the words
and body language of the other person. Let them know you are listening to them.
Look
interested. Your
nonverbal communication skills are important while you’re listening. If you
look disinterested and uncaring, the person trying to communicate with you will
likely pick up on these subtle hints. They may become flustered and less likely
to share their thoughts. Makes sense, right? Why bother if you’re not
listening? Try to engage with the person talking. Make eye
contact and nod your head or smile. Let your conversation partner know that
their points are coming across to you.
Repeat
the highlights. One
way to literally tell your conversation partner that you’re an effective
listener is to simply restate their points. You can repeat key phrases in an
affirming tone. You can even give them a quick summary of what they just said
in your own words. Try to avoid sharing your opinions when repeating
their concepts or ideas. At this point, you simply want to communicate that
you’ve listened to them and completely understood their meaning.
Ask
questions. Don’t
be afraid to ask your conversation partner to elaborate on what they’re saying.
If you need further information, then ask for it. The important thing is that
you really understand what they’re trying to get across.
Be
patient. It’s
also important to be patient, especially when you’re working with people who
may be shy or may not have the ability to communicate very well. You must allow
the speaker the opportunity to speak. If you’re not patient, you may well kill
the conversation stone dead and scare off your conversation partner.
Follow
your partner’s lead. Being
an effective listener doesn’t mean that your only job is to listen. You can and
should add to the conversation, too. At the same time, you don’t want to
overpower the conversation. Add your input when they ask for it or when they’ve
finished their point.
Practice
to become the most Effective Listener. These skills don’t just
apply to important business discussions. They should be used to enhance your
everyday life. Practice often to make sure you are becoming a more effective
listener. After you’ve had a conversation, ask yourself what you remember from
it. Write down the details if necessary. Did you allow the other person to do
most of the talking?
When
you fight the urge to dominate conversations, you’ll become a much more
effective listener and be able to truly hear what people have to say!
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