6 Things Teenagers
Need
In no order of things is
adolescence the simple time of life. –Jean Erskine Stewart
Parents of a teenage boy watched their son
walk out to the father’s truck, get in and drive off. “But I was firm
with him,” said the husband to his disbelieving spouse. “I did better
than last time. For a couple minutes, I had him thinking he wasn’t going
to get the truck keys.”
How many times have you felt the same way as
this frustrated father? It can be very difficult when trying to deal with
an adolescent. Adolescent! The name alone can send chills up the
backs of many parents. It may seem like just yesterday that you and your
teenager had a great relationship–one that didn’t seem so confusing or
frustrating. I’m not trying to imply that as your child moves into
adolescence everything is going to change and become terrible. Every
child is unique and will respond to the teenage years differently.
However, what I can guarantee is that things will change. During this
period of change, what does your teen need? Plenty.
Psychologist, Dr. Bruce Naramore states in his
excellent book, Parenting Teens, that teenagers have six basic needs which need
to be fulfilled during adolescence in order to become healthy, well-adjusted
adults.
1. Develop their
distinct identity and a sense of their uniqueness.
As parents, we can have a tremendous influence
on their identity or self-esteem. By identity, I mean the way a teen
feels about himself–positive or negative. There are some important things
we can do as parents to help increase a teen’s identity. First, help
identify areas of interest. Every teenager has a particular area of
interest or areas where they excel. Whether it is in athletics, music,
school, art, or ministry, help your teen to identify his area of
competence. Second, provide praise and encouragement. It is vital
that teenagers receive praise and encouragement from parents or other
influential adults.
2. Progressively
separate themselves from their childhood dependency on their parents.
You can do something to help them during this transition. Get your son or
daughter involved with a “mentor.” A mentor can be a powerful force as
teens develop convictions because “outside instruction” can make a special
impression on their lives.
3. Develop
meaningful relationships with peers and others outside the family.
As you may have already discovered, teenagers
enjoy spending exceedingly more time away from home than they did at younger
ages. Your adolescent’s new found peer group is important in order to
satisfy their need for companionship and fun, along with emotional support,
understanding and intimacy. Although they still need these things from
their families and other adults, it’s vital in their development to receive
these things from friends as well.
4. Develop their
capacity to relate well to the opposite sex.
What can we do specifically to assist
teenagers in making decisions about their relationships with the opposite
sex? If you are considering allowing dating then develop a dating
contract. Having a written contract helps take the pressure off guessing
when a teen is ready to date. It’s impossible to say that someone is
ready to date at a specific age. Instead, dating readiness should be the
result of a teenager displaying certain internal character qualities like
honor, integrity, responsibility and resistance to peer pressure.. The
dating contract can provide the family with accountability, fairness, clarity,
security and togetherness.
5. Gain the
confidence and skills to prepare for a career, economic independency, and other
adult responsibilities. Not only is it important to encourage
teenagers in the areas that they have interest, but it is also necessary to
teach them real skills. The straightforward teaching of skills to
adolescents often results in increased achievement and, thus, in enhanced
self-esteem. In other words, the more skills a teenager acquires (e.g.,
how to cook, change the oil, fix something broken, or build something), the
better he will feel about himself.
6. Fashion their
faith and value commitments and basic attitude toward life.
In a survey to over 5,000 adults, the question
was asked, “How did your parents help you develop your own spiritual
convictions?” Overwhelmingly, the number one response was: Church
attendance. The significance is that church is an important way to help
your teenagers to foster ownership of their spiritual convictions.
As a parent, what can you do to assist your
teen as he or she masters these six important needs? You must make time
when your teenagers need it–watching for teachable moments. Teens might
go a whole day without seeking our help. But as Dr. Ross Campbell
explains in his book, How to Really Love Your Teenager, teens have something
like a “container” built within them and every once in a while they run out of
“emotional gas.” This is when they come up and need to be close to
us. They need touching, listening, understanding, and our time.
When they come to us, we must be careful what
we communicate. If we say, “Not now, I’m busy,” they’ll observe what we
are doing and compare their importance to it. After we have filled their
“emotional gas tank” they usually are off to be with their friends. Maybe
we haven’t explained everything we wanted to say, but they’re filled up.
And that’s okay. A teenager needs to know that he’s valuable and that his
parents are available at times when he needs them.
Greg
Smalley serves as executive director of Marriage and Family Formation
at Focus on the Family and is passionate to equip premarital and married
couples with the knowledge, skills and insights necessary to enjoy a lifetime
together.
Taken from: http://www.imom.com/6-things-teenagers-need/
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