OCTOBER 26 - 30

12 ways to be the meanest mom in the world

When your kids tell you you’re mean, take it as a compliment. The rising generation has been called the laziest, rudest, most entitled kids in history. Don’t give up. They may think you’re mean now, but they’ll thank you later.

By Megan Wallgren

Once, I walked out of the store without giving into my child’s tantrum for a cookie. A woman stopped me in the parking lot and told me I was the best parent in the shopping center. My daughter wasn’t so sure. When your kids tell you you’re mean, take it as a compliment. The rising generation has been called the laziest, rudest, most entitled kids in history. The stories about spoiled rotten kids scare the best of moms. Newsflash: it's not the kids' fault, it's the parents. It’s easy to want to throw in the towel with your own kids. After all, don’t we all want to be the cool mom? Don’t give up. They may think you’re mean now, but they’ll thank you later.

Here are 12 ways to be the meanest mom in the world: (Moms shouldn't have all the fun. 

 1. Make your kids go to bed at a reasonable time

Is there really anyone who hasn’t heard how important a good night’s rest is to a child’s success? Be the parent and put your kid to bed. No one ever said the kid had to want to go to bed. They may put up a fight at first, but with consistency, they'll learn you mean business. Now enjoy some quiet me or couple time.

·         2. Don’t give your kids dessert every day

Sweets should be saved for special occasions. That’s what makes them a "treat.” If you give in to your child’s demands for goodies all the time, he won’t appreciate the gesture when someone offers a sweet gift or reward. Plus, imagine the dentist and doctor bills that may result from your over-indulgence.

·         3. Make them pay for their own stuff

If you want something, you have to pay for it. That’s the way adult life works. To get your kids out of your basement in the future, you need to teach your children now that the gadgets, movies, video games, sports teams and camps they enjoy have a price. If they have to pay all or part of that price, they’ll appreciate it more. You may also avoid paying for something your child only wants until he has it. If he’s not willing to go half with you, he probably doesn’t want it that badly.

·         4. Don’t pull strings

Some kids get a rude awakening when they get a job and realize that the rules actually do apply to them. They have to come on time and do what the boss wants. And, (gasp!) part of the job they don’t even like. If you don’t like your child’s teacher, science partner, position on the soccer field or placement of the bus stop, avoid the temptation to make a stink or pull strings until he gets his preference. You are robbing your child of the chance to make the best of a difficult situation. Dealing with less than ideal circumstance is something she will have to do most of her adult life. If children never learn to handle it, you’re setting them up for failure.

·         5. Make them do hard things

Don’t automatically step-in and take over when things get hard. Nothing gives your kids a bigger self-confidence boost than sticking to it and accomplishing something difficult for them.

·         6. Give them a watch and an alarm clock

Your child will be better off if he learns the responsibility of managing his own time. You’re not always going to be there to remind her to turn off the TV and get ready to go.

·         7. Don’t always buy the latest and greatest

Teach your children gratitude for, and satisfaction with, the things they have. Always worrying about the next big thing and who already has it will lead to a lifetime of debt and unhappiness.

·         8. Let them feel loss

If your child breaks a toy, don’t replace it. He’ll learn a valuable lesson about taking care of his stuff. If your child forgets to turn in homework, let him take the lower grade or make him work out extra credit with his teacher himself. You are teaching responsibility — who doesn’t want responsible kids? They can help remind you of all the things you forget to do.

·         9. Control media

If all the other parents let their child jump off a bridge, would you? Don’t let your kids watch a show or play a video game that is inappropriate for children just because all their friends have done it. If you stand up for decent parenting, others may follow. Create some positive peer pressure.

·         10. Make them apologize

If your child does something wrong, make her fess up and face the consequences. Don’t brush rudeness, bullying, or dishonesty under the rug. If you mess up, set the example and eat your humble pie.

·         11. Mind their manners

Even small children can learn the basics of how to treat another human with respect and dignity. By making politeness a habit, you’ll be doing your kids a huge favor. Good manners go a long way toward getting someone what they want. We’ve all heard the saying, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

·         12. Make them work — for free

Whether it’s helping grandma in the garden or volunteering to tutor younger kids, make service a part of your child’s life. It teaches them to look outside themselves and realize that other people have needs and problems, too — sometimes greater than their own.

Taken from: http://familyshare.com/parenting/12-ways-to-be-the-meanest-mom-in-the-world

OCTOBER 19 - 23

The 3 Types of Parents Who Get Bullied By Their Own Children

... and some expert advice on stopping the cycle.

Posted Sep 21, 2015 by Susan Newman Ph.D.

Parents often make excuses for their children’s outrageous behavior, whether it's a preschooler’s tantrum or a teen’s sullen refusal to do what he or she has been asked. Children who become unmanageable or verbally abusive to their parents are, in fact, bullies, although most parents don’t think of these behaviors in that way.

Maybe they should.

Sean Grover, a New York psychotherapist, mustered the courage to call such children exactly what they are—bullies—and figured out how frustrated parents can take charge again and restore positive parent-child relationships.

Here's what he had to say:

Sean, you have worked with children and parents for more than 20 years. What prompted you to write, When Kids Call the Shots: How to Seize Control from Your Darling Bully—and Enjoy Being a Parent Again? 

Grover: Years ago, when I started to feel I was being bullied by my own child, I read every parenting book I could get my hands on. I found a lot of generic advice that doesn’t fit all parents or quick solutions that didn't last.

I realized that parenting books rarely address a parent's unique history, culture, and parenting style. When I stopped trying to fix or change my child, and explored my own role in fostering her bullying behaviors, I found the answers I needed. Her behaviors were a direct consequence of my own insecurities. 

The greatest impact on how we parent is our personal history. It amazed me how few parenting books took that into account. Obviously, I can't provide therapy to all the parents who are being bullied by kids. So in the book, I use worksheets, journaling, and insight-oriented exercises to help parents understand their history and discover how it affects their parenting choices. 

When we think of bullying, most of us couple the word with “school.” We worry about our children being bullied in a school setting. How does a parent recognize that they have a bully in the house?

Grover: The collision course between parents and children is nothing new. All children go through test periods. Parents are always in the position of making unpopular decisions and saying no to things kids want to do. 

When a child tests a parent's authority and the parent sets a limit, the child learns to control himself. Setting limits and boundaries is essential to a child's healthy emotional development. When those limits and boundaries aren't set clearly, you'll soon find yourself at a tipping point for bullying.

Testing can be described as nagging and pestering. Bullying, on the other hand, is aggressive, hostile, and mean. It involves verbal assaults, physical aggression, putdowns, and unrelenting abuse. And it feels terrible.

The bullies in the schoolyard are no different from the child bullying her parent at home: Both will stop at nothing to get what they want. They lack empathy and are trapped in their own narcissism. They will threaten, blackmail, and terrorize you until you give in. Until they are taught limits and boundaries, the parent-child relationship is doomed.

The question most parents ask when their child of any age rebels or become difficult is: What happened to my sweet, affectionate, obedient child? How does pushing the limits and seeking independence cross the line to bullying? 

Grover: Never let your kid disrespect you. Never let your kid talk down to you. Establish a culture of mutual respect in your family. Help your kid to express frustration constructively. Children have more feelings than words, so they need strong leadership from their parents to learn how to express themselves in words effectively and use frustration as fuel for personal growth.

A little bit of defiance is expected in children. It's how they learn to be assertive and establish a solid sense of self and identity. You don't want your kid being too cooperative or too accommodating. He or she will become a pushover or a target for bullies, and is more likely to suffer from anxiety or depression.

What immediate steps can a parent take when immersed in a standoff with their child?

Grover: Bullying is a symptom of an unbalanced inner life. When your kids act up, ask yourself: What's really going on here? Are they tired? Are they hungry? Are they frightened? Perhaps they are having social difficulties at school or suffering from undiagnosed learning problems that create much psychic tension and devastate self-esteem. Try to locate the source of their anxiety, then address it directly. 

In heated moments, don't become reactive. Hit the pause button. Maintain your leadership and never bully back. If you bully back you are establishing a bullying culture in your family. 

When to comes to raising children, modeling is king. I've heard it said that children absorb 10% of what you say and 90% of what you do. If you're losing your patience, yelling, and threatening, you're going to eventually be on the receiving end of that behavior from your kids. You may not see it when they are young, but as they get bigger and feel more powerful, it will resurface with a vengeance.

Why do parents give in to bullying from a child?

Grover: The true cause springs from parents' own histories—how they were parented, their childhood experiences, and the modeling that their parents provided. These are the true causes. Were they bullied as children by their own parents? Did they grow up with an absent or neglectful parent? Did they have a narcissistic parent? These are questions parents want to explore.

I also look at what's going on in parents' lives: Are they in an unhappy relationship? Does their partner have a different parenting style? Are they suffering parent burnout? It's hard to parent well under those conditions. 

Self-care and child care go hand in hand. Often the best way to turn a bullying situation around at home begins with taking better care of yourself.

Three parenting styles are most likely to trigger bullying in children.

The guilty parent. Something has gone wrong—a divorce, an illness, a financial hardship—and now the parent feels guilty. To ease their guilt they give their kids too much freedom and not enough limits. This always backfires.

The anxious parent. This is a parent who is always worrying and expressing anxiety. Children experience a parent’s anxiety as, "I don't believe in you," “I don't trust you," or "you're not a capable person," and this triggers a lot of anger and resentment toward the parent.

The fix-everything parent. These parents can't stand to see their children frustrated and constantly step in and solve problems for them. Such parents have good intentions and are often heroic, but the outcome is horrendous. The child remains dependent on the parents and unconsciously resents them for it. They are never satisfied. In fact, the more you give them, the less they appreciate you. Children have a natural drive for independence that needs to be encouraged. The fix-everything parent discourages it and therefore dwarfs the emotional development of their own child. Children of fix-everything parents have a tendency to age but not mature.

In your book you provide a training ground for new skills and a road back to sanity for parents bullied by their kids. What can parents do to counter the bullying and reverse patterns that may already be set?

Grover: Parents committed to working on themselves rarely fall victim to continued bullying. Mindfulness is not a word often associated with parenting. Neither is self-mastery. But without either it's impossible to have a healthy relationship with your child. Parenting will always be an emotional and psychological workout.

After exploring your personal history and exposing the fears and insecurities that foster bullying in your child, make a concrete plan of action that begins with assembling an anti-bullying support team. Too often, bullied parents are ashamed of the situation. Breaking the silence and involving others for support is crucial.

Make sure you and your partner are united. Conflicting parenting styles are often at the heart of behavior problems at home. 

Enlist friends and family. Children respond positively to adults other than their parents when these behaviors are confronted. Look for models and mentors in adults that your children look up to.

Involve school officials. Talk to guidance counselors and teachers. If your kid is into sports, talk to the coach. Let them know you are struggling and enlist their support.

Seek professional help if the bullying continues. Look for resources in your neighborhood that offer parents support or ask friends for a referral.

Taken from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/201509/the-3-types-parents-who-get-bullied-their-own-children?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

OCTOBER 12 - 16

10 Tips For Raising Resilient Kids

By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.

While adulthood is filled with serious responsibilities, childhood isn’t exactly stress-free. Kids take tests, learn new information, change schools, change neighborhoods, get sick, get braces, encounter bullies, make new friends and occasionally get hurt by those friends.

What helps kids in navigating these kinds of challenges is resilience. Resilient kids are problem solvers. They face unfamiliar or tough situations and strive to find good solutions.

“When they step into a situation, [resilient kids] have a sense they can figure out what they need to do and can handle what is thrown at them with a sense of confidence,” said Lynn Lyons, LICSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in treating anxious families and co-author of the book Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children with anxiety expert Reid Wilson, Ph.D.

This doesn’t mean that kids have to do everything on their own, she said. Rather, they know how to ask for help and are able to problem-solve their next steps.

Resilience isn’t birthright. It can be taught. Lyons encouraged parents to equip their kids with the skills to handle the unexpected, which actually contrasts our cultural approach.

“We have become a culture of trying to make sure our kids are comfortable. We as parents are trying to stay one step ahead of everything our kids are going to run into.” The problem? “Life doesn’t work that way.”

Anxious people have an especially hard time helping their kids tolerate uncertainty, simply because they have a hard time tolerating it themselves. “The idea of putting your child through the same pain that you went through is intolerable,” Lyons said. So anxious parents try to protect their kids and shield them from worst-case scenarios.

However, a parent’s job isn’t to be there all the time for their kids, she said. It’s to teach them to handle uncertainty and to problem-solve. Below, Lyons shared her valuable suggestions for raising resilient kids.

1. Don’t accommodate every need.

According to Lyons, “whenever we try to provide certainty and comfort, we are getting in the way of children being able to develop their own problem-solving and mastery.” (Overprotecting kids only fuels their anxiety.)

She gave a “dramatic but not uncommon example.” A child gets out of school at 3:15. But they worry about their parent picking them up on time. So the parent arrives an hour earlier and parks by their child’s classroom so they can see the parent is there.

In another example, parents let their 7-year-old sleep on a mattress on the floor in their bedroom because they’re too uncomfortable to sleep in their own room.

2. Avoid eliminating all risk.

Naturally, parents want to keep their kids safe. But eliminating all risk robs kids of learning resiliency. In one family Lyons knows, the kids aren’t allowed to eat when the parents are not home, because there’s a risk they might choke on their food. (If the kids are old enough to stay home alone, they’re old enough to eat, she said.)

The key is to allow appropriate risks and teach your kids essential skills. “Start young. The child who’s going to get his driver’s license is going to have started when he’s 5 [years old] learning how to ride his bike and look both ways [slow down and pay attention].”

Giving kids age-appropriate freedom helps them learn their own limits, she said.

3. Teach them to problem-solve.

Let’s say your child wants to go to sleep-away camp, but they’re nervous about being away from home. An anxious parent, Lyons said, might say, “Well, then there’s no reason for you to go.”

But a better approach is to normalize your child’s nervousness, and help them figure out how to navigate being homesick. So you might ask your child how they can practice getting used to being away from home.

When Lyons’s son was anxious about his first final exam, they brainstormed strategies, including how he’d manage his time and schedule in order to study for the exam.

In other words, engage your child in figuring out how they can handle challenges. Give them the opportunity, over and over, “to figure out what works and what doesn’t.”

4. Teach your kids concrete skills.

When Lyons works with kids, she focuses on the specific skills they’ll need to learn in order to handle certain situations. She asks herself, “Where are we going with this [situation]? What skill do they need to get there?” For instance, she might teach a shy child how to greet someone and start a conversation.

5. Avoid “why” questions.

“Why” questions aren’t helpful in promoting problem-solving. If your child left their bike in the rain, and you ask “why?” “what will they say? I was careless. I’m an 8-year-old,” Lyons said.

Ask “how” questions instead. “You left your bike out in the rain, and your chain rusted. How will you fix that?” For instance, they might go online to see how to fix the chain or contribute money to a new chain, she said.

Lyons uses “how” questions to teach her clients different skills. “How do you get yourself out of bed when it’s warm and cozy? How do you handle the noisy boys on the bus that bug you?”

6. Don’t provide all the answers.

Rather than providing your kids with every answer, start using the phrase “I don’t know,” “followed by promoting problem-solving,” Lyons said. Using this phrase helps kids learn to tolerate uncertainty and think about ways to deal with potential challenges.

Also, starting with small situations when they’re young helps prepare kids to handle bigger trials. They won’t like it, but they’ll get used to it, she said.

For instance, if your child asks if they’re getting a shot at the doctor’s office, instead of placating them, say, “I don’t know. You might be due for a shot. Let’s figure out how you’re doing to get through it.”

Similarly, if your child asks, “Am I going to get sick today?” instead of saying, “No, you won’t,” respond with, “You might, so how might you handle that?”

If your child worries they’ll hate their college, instead of saying, “You’ll love it,” you might explain that some freshmen don’t like their school, and help them figure out what to do if they feel the same way, she said.

7. Avoid talking in catastrophic terms.

Pay attention to what you say to your kids and around them. Anxious parents, in particular, tend to “talk very catastrophically around their children,” Lyons said. For instance, instead of saying “It’s really important for you to learn how to swim,” they say, “It’s really important for you to learn how to swim because it’d be devastating to me if you drowned.”

8. Let your kids make mistakes.

“Failure is not the end of the world. [It’s the] place you get to when you figure out what to do next,” Lyons said. Letting kids mess up is tough and painful for parents. But it helps kids learn how to fix slip-ups and make better decisions next time.

According to Lyons, if a child has an assignment, anxious or overprotective parents typically want to make sure the project is perfect, even if their child has no interest in doing it in the first place. But let your kids see the consequences of their actions.

Similarly, if your child doesn’t want to go to football practice, let them stay home, Lyons said. Next time they’ll sit on the bench and probably feel uncomfortable.

9. Help them manage their emotions.

Emotional management is key in resilience. Teach your kids that all emotions are OK, Lyons said. It’s OK to feel angry that you lost the game or someone else finished your ice cream. Also, teach them that after feeling their feelings, they need to think through what they’re doing next, she said.

“Kids learn very quickly which powerful emotions get them what they want. Parents have to learn how to ride the emotions, too.” You might tell your child, “I understand that you feel that way. I’d feel the same way if I were in your shoes, but now you have to figure out what the appropriate next step is.”

If your child throws a tantrum, she said, be clear about what behavior is appropriate (and inappropriate). You might say, “I’m sorry we’re not going to get ice cream, but this behavior is unacceptable.”

10. Model resiliency.

Of course, kids also learn from observing their parents’ behavior. Try to be calm and consistent, Lyons said. “You cannot say to a child you want them to control their emotions, while you yourself are flipping out.”

“Parenting takes a lot of practice and we all screw up.” When you do make a mistake, admit it. “I really screwed up. I’m sorry I handled that poorly. Let’s talk about a different way to handle that in the future,” Lyons said.

Resiliency helps kids navigate the inevitable trials, triumphs and tribulations of childhood and adolescence. Resilient kids also become resilient adults, able to survive and thrive in the face of life’s unavoidable stressors.

Taken from: http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/

OCTOBER 5 - 9

Why Parents Should Ban Smartphones From Their Kids' Bedrooms

A new study finds that many teens are waking up in the middle of the night to check social media.

Carolyn Gregoire - Senior Health + Science Writer, The Huffington Post

Should parents ban smartphones from their kids' rooms at night? It's probably a good idea, according to new research.

Why? Because more than 20 percent of teenagers say they "almost always" wake up during the night to check or post on social media, a habit that disrupts their sleep, increases fatigue at school and may harm their sense of well-being. 

"It seems [very] important to discourage adolescents from using social media during the night," Dr. Kimberly Horton, a research assistant at Cardiff University in the U.K. and one of the study's authors, said in a written statement. "No amount of effort to develop regular bedtimes or to lengthen the time in bed would seem to be able to compensate for the disruption that this can cause."

For the study, researchers from the Wales Institute of Social and Economic Research Data asked more than 800 12- to 15-year-olds about their sleep habits -- including how often they woke up at night to use social media. Researchers also asked about the teens' levels of energy and well-being.

What did the researchers find? Waking up at night to use social networking platforms like Snapchat and Instagram was surprisingly common. Twenty-two percent of 12- and 13-year-olds and 23 percent of 14- and 15-year-olds said they "almost always" did so. More than a third said they did at least once a week.

This behavior seems to take a real toll. More than half of the heavier nighttime social media users said they usually go to school feeling tired. 

"In turn, we find a significant association between feeling tired when they go to school and their overall levels of subjective well-being," Dr. Chris Taylor, a researcher at Cardiff and one of the study's authors, added in an email to The Huffington Post. 

For some teens, this combination could contribute to mental health issues. Heavy social media use and poor sleep have both been found to take a toll on young peoples' mental health, so the combination could be even more problematic.

So what's the solution? Pushing back school start times probably isn't the answer, as the study's authors argue that more time to sleep in the morning doesn't compensate for sleep disruptions. Structured morning routines can be helpful for mediating the effects of poor sleep, the researchers explain, so disrupting those routines with later school start times may not be beneficial.

Instead, the study suggests that it may be more effective to discourage teens from using technology at night. One way to do it? Keeping digital devices out of the bedroom so that a good night's sleep won't be ruined by the lure of Twitter.

"The benefits of having a regular bedtime, a reasonable bedtime, and a sensible amount of time in bed entirely are expunged if adolescents are waking up to use social media," Horton said. 

The bottom line: Their FOMO can wait until the morning. 

Taken from: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5600226fe4b0fde8b0cef8f3

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FOMO: Fear of Missing Out.

SEPTEMBER 28 - OCTOBER 2

The Recipe for How to Discipline Kids

By: Nancy Jergins

While I was in the checkout line at the grocery store the other day, I started thumbing through a magazine that gives tips for getting the most out of recipes. In one article, a photo showed two stacks of pancakes. One stack was inches taller than the other, even though both stacks had the same number of pancakes. The caption said that the shorter stack had been overmixed, and that had made the pancakes less fluffy.

Don’t ask me why, but it made me think about how that applied to raising children, and the best recipe for how to discipline kids. Specifically, it got me thinking about how we sometimes overmix, or over discipline our children. We have good intentions and want our children to be their best, but we overmix—too much scolding, too many rules, too many consequences. Pretty soon, our kids, like the flat pancakes, aren’t able to reach their potential.

Here’s how to find the right ingredients in the right amount for the recipe for how to discipline kids.

What goes into a recipe pretty much determines your result. But the amount of ingredients you use is right up there in importance. Same goes with parenting. You need good ingredients in the right amounts.

Love.

You can never add too much love to your discipline recipe. In fact, without love, the other ingredients don’t even matter. Love is what motivates us to make good choices for our children.  It helps us to hold our tongue when we want to lose our temper with them. It helps us move forward with tough choices because we know it will help our children in the long run. Love isn’t indulgence, by the way. All discipline should be mixed with love.

Rules.

Children really do want boundaries. Rules and boundaries give your children something to shoot for so that they can earn your approval. Child discipline without rules isn’t really fair because your children don’t know where they stand. On the other hand, too many rules can rob a child of the opportunity to learn things for himself. So instead of constantly reminding your children of specific things not to do, give them general rules — We don’t say words that hurt others’ feelings. Once they have those general guidelines, let them figure out how to live within them.

Consequences.

Yes, there should be consequences for misbehavior. But not all misbehavior is the same. Our Consequence Calculator can help you figure out just the right consequence and the right amount. You’ll also want to show your children grace when you can. If your child keeps making the same mistake over and over, try to be patient. If you have given a consequence more than once that day, try talking to your child instead. If they’re old enough, go a little deeper and give her the reason for your rules and your consequence.

“Sarah, I love you so much that I can’t let you have a temper tantrum when you don’t get your way. I’ve put you in time out twice already today, and I will keep doing that until you can choose a different response when you’re angry. But for now, come here so I can hug you. I know you want to do what’s right, and I know you can.”

Firmness.

A friend of mine feels that yelling is an effective way to discipline her children. She thinks it shows them she means business. Well, while it might get their attention, it’s an ineffective way to get lasting results. Harshness puts a barrier between mom and child. There is no need for harshness in a positive discipline recipe. Firmness, on the other hand, shows the child that mom is serious about getting to the heart of the discipline problem. So be sure you know the difference between firmness and harshness.

Conversation.

I was talking to a 10-year-old girl the other day in a class setting. The topic was getting blamed for something that wasn’t your fault. “When I try to tell my mom and dad my side of the story, they get mad.” She shook her head for emphasis and said, “I’ll never try to do that again!”

There are times when our children need to do what we say without any talking back or argument. For example, if we’ve already discussed the issue and given a consequence, they need to obey without dragging us into a back and forth heated discussion. But when we can give our children a chance to share in the conversation while we are disciplining them, we should let them talk, if they can do it respectfully.

Dr. Scott Turansky says older children should be able to earn the right to a “wise appeal.” By letting our children have a voice, it shows them that we value their opinion and that we’re reasonable. So add conversation to your recipe for how to discipline your kids, when you can.

Taken from: http://www.imom.com/the-recipe-for-how-to-discipline-kids/#.VgMEPNJViko

SEPTEMBER 21 - 25

Avoid raising an entitled child: 5 strategies that really work

Amy McCready

TODAY Contributor

You may have seen it, or felt it — that phenomenon that seems to have taken over kids in recent years and turned them into entitled, me-centric beings? I call it the "The Me, Me, Me Epidemic," and believe it or not, it happens in tiny little ways every single day when we're not conscious of it. The good news? It is totally curable!

We've all known kids (maybe even in our own families) who feel entitled to have things go their way, who expect the best of life without rolling up their sleeves and for whom gratitude is not a part of their attitude. While these kids can be hard to live with now, over-entitled kids eventually become high-maintenance employees and demanding spouses with the same childish attitudes, only on a greater scale. It's a big problem, because kids who feel entitled to call the shots all the time are unable to handle it when things don't go their way (like here in the real world).

While we can point fingers and blame social media, reality TV, and a host of other outside influences, one of the biggest factors in the spread of this "epidemic" is us — the parents. Of course, we want the best for our kids and none of us intends to raise an entitled child, but often in our loving attempts to do the best for our kids, we over-parent. We over-indulge, over-praise and mow down any obstacle in their path with ninja-like swiftness. And when we do? We rob kids of the opportunity to do for themselves, learn from mistakes, or overcome adversity. For your sake and for your kids, consider these five strategies for turning the tide:

1.      Expect more: Give your kids some credit. They can and SHOULD make meaningful contributions to the family. Expect your toddlers to teens to do Family Contributions (not "chores") on a daily basis and expect them to take on increasing amounts of responsibility through the years. After all, they are part of the family and everyone's contributions matter. When you hold your kids to a higher standard, they WILL meet it — and often exceed it. What they'll get in return will be life skills they need to head out into the world as happier, more successful and self-sufficient human beings. And you? You get to know that you helped to make that happen. (Way to go!)

2.      Give up on giving in: Do you ever say YES when you really want to say No? Cave at the candy counter at checkout? Pacify with the treat when your kid is throwing a fit? It's time to turn over a new leaf and have the courage to say "NO" and mean it! You'll teach your kids that life won't always go their way and that's OK. You'll be establishing — and sticking — to healthy boundaries. And your little ones and big ones will learn that fit-throwing, eye-rolling, and pouting isn't going to do the trick. Now, for all of you who struggle with this — repeat after me: I'm NOT being a bad guy — I'm being a good PARENT. You can do this!

3.      Hand over the reins. Every time we rescue our kids from their mistakes, intervene on their behalf, or smooth the way so things are easier for them, we rob them of a learning opportunity — the chance to be responsible, to figure it out for themselves, or to face a scary situation. Little by little they just stop trying. It's time to hand over the reins to their rightful owner. Instead of rushing the homework to school so your kids don't get in trouble, let them know with love (and plenty of training so they can be successful) that it's their responsibility to remember what they need each day. Let them know that having their own conversations with teachers, coaches and peers about issues that arise is powerful part of growing up. You can help prepare them by role-playing so THEY can have respectful conversations and learn problem-solving skills. Trust in your kids' ability and turn over the reins so they can learn from their successes and failures. You'll be there to support them — but they'll feel so much more empowered by handling things on their own without you intervening or rescuing.

4.      Shut down the ATM. This is a big one. Instant gratification is king in today's society. "I want it, I get it. Now." The best way to fight this phenomenon with our kids is to stop handing over $20 whenever they ask for it. Instead, set a specific allowance amount per week and a list of expenses your child is now responsible to cover. Little kids can use allowance for "treats" when they go to the store, big kids can be responsible for school lunches, school clothing and entertainment. Allowance is an essential tool to teach delayed gratification and fiscal responsibility — how to spend wisely, save, budget, and give charitably. How will our kids be successful with a real paycheck and bigger expenses if they don't learn those important life skills at home? Teach them the tools and help them flourish.

5.      Un-center their universe. The research is clear that those with an "attitude of gratitude" in life are happier, less depressed, take stress in stride, and see life with a healthy optimism. In our over-indulged culture, we know that gratitude takes practice. It's something we have to teach our kids. Model for them and let them know the world doesn't OWE anyone anything — and that we all have to do our part to make it a better place. Help kids learn to appreciate their first-world circumstances, (without lecturing about starving kids in Third World countries). When you practice daily gratitude rituals at home, actively seek to do random acts of kindness, and find opportunities to serve others throughout the year (not just during the holidays) — you are helping to set your children and your family on the path to a much more rewarding life.

Video: http://www.today.com/video/to-raise-unentitled-kids-expect-more-from-them-527298627618

Taken from: http://www.today.com/parents/great-give-when-parents-contribute-their-kids-entitlement-t44306