7
Ways to Help Children Develop Self Discipline
One of the primary tasks
of early childhood is to develop self discipline. Parents often find themselves
correcting their children for interrupting, being wild, not following
instructions or for not controlling their hands or mouths. These all require
self discipline or self-control. Young children are by nature impulsive. Some
children have ADHD or other biological factors which increase impulsiveness.
Part of the solution for impulse control is to learn self discipline. A child
armed with self discipline has a tremendous asset for addressing life’s
challenges. So many relational and personal problems can be avoided or controlled
when one has self-control. Here are some suggestions for teaching it to
children.
1. Teach children to come when they are called. When
a parent calls a child, that child shouldn’t yell, “What?” from across the
house, parking lot or playground. Children can learn to come to the parent,
within a few feet, in order to have a dialog with the parent. This helps
children learn that self-control sometimes means that we must give up what we
would like to be doing in order to do something else.
2. Teach children to respond positively to correction. Most
children don’t like to be corrected and respond negatively in either aggressive
(anger) or passive (bad attitude) ways. This is unacceptable and becomes an
excellent opportunity to teach self discipline. One of the facts of life is
that people often must follow directions which may not be their preference.
Teach children to respond with a good attitude as well as right behavior. This
requires self-control and helps children learn to control their impulses. A
good response to correction is sometimes difficult to learn but work in this
area will help a child develop a skill which will help them forever.
3. A number of social skills require self-control. Praise
children when they demonstrate this quality and point out areas they need to
work on. Listening, knowing when and how to interrupt, anger
control, reporting back after completing a task all require self discipline.
4. Encourage children to take on activities which build self
discipline. They may include sports, music lessons, a paper route, the
responsibility of caring for a neighbor’s pet, memorization of scripture, a
clean room, or a host of other activities.
5. When a child receives a reward like payment for a job
accomplished or even a star on a chart or special treat, talk about self
discipline. External rewards give a great opportunity to talk about
internal rewards. The real benefit to a paper route is not the money; it’s the
building of self discipline. “You are pretty determined and responsible to get
up every morning.” “I know you would have rather played the game but I like the
way you took time to walk the dog. That shows self discipline.”
6. Use bed times to teach self discipline. Some
children have a hard time going to bed without creating a battle and this
becomes a great opportunity to teach self discipline to children. After all, it
requires a lot of self-control for a child to stay quietly in bed while parents
are still awake. Set a bedtime, develop a routine which covers all the
necessary bedtime tasks and work at getting your child to stay in bed without
Mom or Dad falling asleep in the room. This requires work on the part of the
parent but will pay off tremendous dividends in the end.
7. Morning routines, chores, and family schedules become opportunities
for children to learn responsibility and self discipline. Responsibility
is “doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” The rewards for being
responsible are called privileges. The child who is responsible to get ready
and be at breakfast by 7:30 a.m. is allowed the privilege of staying up until
their 8:00 p.m. bedtime. Being able to choose one’s clothes is the privilege
for getting dressed before the deadline. Simple benefits of life are seen as
privileges associated with basic responsibility.
Some parents try to give
their children an easier life than they had or they try to make their children
feel good at the expense of good character. Unfortunately, this often
translates into more freedom and less self-control. A wise parent will use childhood
to prepare a child for success as an adult. Self discipline is one of the most
important character qualities a child can develop. Ironically, spoiled children
are not happy; self disciplined children often are!
Self discipline is a primary quality that will help children be
successful in life. More techniques and ideas are available in the book, Good and Angry,
Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.
Used with permission from Scott Turansky and Joanne
Miller.
© 2007 iMOM. All rights reserved.
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