15 personality traits which all
successful people have
http://brightside.me/article/15-personality-traits-which-all-successful-people-have-2655/Monday, February 29, 2016
Monday, February 22, 2016
FEBRUARY 22 - 26
7
Ways to Help Children Develop Self Discipline
One of the primary tasks
of early childhood is to develop self discipline. Parents often find themselves
correcting their children for interrupting, being wild, not following
instructions or for not controlling their hands or mouths. These all require
self discipline or self-control. Young children are by nature impulsive. Some
children have ADHD or other biological factors which increase impulsiveness.
Part of the solution for impulse control is to learn self discipline. A child
armed with self discipline has a tremendous asset for addressing life’s
challenges. So many relational and personal problems can be avoided or controlled
when one has self-control. Here are some suggestions for teaching it to
children.
1. Teach children to come when they are called. When
a parent calls a child, that child shouldn’t yell, “What?” from across the
house, parking lot or playground. Children can learn to come to the parent,
within a few feet, in order to have a dialog with the parent. This helps
children learn that self-control sometimes means that we must give up what we
would like to be doing in order to do something else.
2. Teach children to respond positively to correction. Most
children don’t like to be corrected and respond negatively in either aggressive
(anger) or passive (bad attitude) ways. This is unacceptable and becomes an
excellent opportunity to teach self discipline. One of the facts of life is
that people often must follow directions which may not be their preference.
Teach children to respond with a good attitude as well as right behavior. This
requires self-control and helps children learn to control their impulses. A
good response to correction is sometimes difficult to learn but work in this
area will help a child develop a skill which will help them forever.
3. A number of social skills require self-control. Praise
children when they demonstrate this quality and point out areas they need to
work on. Listening, knowing when and how to interrupt, anger
control, reporting back after completing a task all require self discipline.
4. Encourage children to take on activities which build self
discipline. They may include sports, music lessons, a paper route, the
responsibility of caring for a neighbor’s pet, memorization of scripture, a
clean room, or a host of other activities.
5. When a child receives a reward like payment for a job
accomplished or even a star on a chart or special treat, talk about self
discipline. External rewards give a great opportunity to talk about
internal rewards. The real benefit to a paper route is not the money; it’s the
building of self discipline. “You are pretty determined and responsible to get
up every morning.” “I know you would have rather played the game but I like the
way you took time to walk the dog. That shows self discipline.”
6. Use bed times to teach self discipline. Some
children have a hard time going to bed without creating a battle and this
becomes a great opportunity to teach self discipline to children. After all, it
requires a lot of self-control for a child to stay quietly in bed while parents
are still awake. Set a bedtime, develop a routine which covers all the
necessary bedtime tasks and work at getting your child to stay in bed without
Mom or Dad falling asleep in the room. This requires work on the part of the
parent but will pay off tremendous dividends in the end.
7. Morning routines, chores, and family schedules become opportunities
for children to learn responsibility and self discipline. Responsibility
is “doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” The rewards for being
responsible are called privileges. The child who is responsible to get ready
and be at breakfast by 7:30 a.m. is allowed the privilege of staying up until
their 8:00 p.m. bedtime. Being able to choose one’s clothes is the privilege
for getting dressed before the deadline. Simple benefits of life are seen as
privileges associated with basic responsibility.
Some parents try to give
their children an easier life than they had or they try to make their children
feel good at the expense of good character. Unfortunately, this often
translates into more freedom and less self-control. A wise parent will use childhood
to prepare a child for success as an adult. Self discipline is one of the most
important character qualities a child can develop. Ironically, spoiled children
are not happy; self disciplined children often are!
Self discipline is a primary quality that will help children be
successful in life. More techniques and ideas are available in the book, Good and Angry,
Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.
Used with permission from Scott Turansky and Joanne
Miller.
© 2007 iMOM. All rights reserved.
Monday, February 8, 2016
FEBRUARY 8 - 12
Resiliencia: Los 12 hábitos de las personas resilientes
¿Sabes qué
es la resiliencia? ¿Quieres aprender a ser más resiliente?
A
veces la vida nos pone a prueba, nos plantea situaciones que superan nuestras
capacidades: una enfermedad, una ruptura de pareja particularmente dolorosa, la muerte de un
ser querido, el fracaso de un sueño largamente anhelado, problemas económicos…
Existen diferentes circunstancias que nos pueden llevar al límite y hacer que
nos cuestionemos si tenemos la fuerza y la voluntad necesarias para continuar
adelante. En este punto tenemos dos opciones: dejarnos
vencer y sentir que hemos fracasado o sobreponernos y salir fortalecidos,
apostar por la resiliencia.
Resiliencia: definición y significado
La resiliencia, según la definición de la Real Academia Española de la Lengua es la capacidad humana de asumir con
flexibilidad situaciones límite y sobreponerse a ellas, pero en psicología
añadimos algo más al concepto de resiliencia: no sólo gracias a ella somos capaces de afrontar las
crisis o situaciones potencialmente traumáticas , sino que también podemos salir
fortalecidos de ellas.
La resiliencia implica reestructurar nuestros recursos
psicológicos en
función de las nuevas circunstancias y de nuestras necesidades. De esta manera,
las personas resilientes no solo son capaces de sobreponerse a las adversidades
que les ha tocado vivir, sino que van un paso más allá y utilizan esas
situaciones para crecer y desarrollar al máximo su potencial.
Para las personas resilientes no existe una vida dura,
sino momentos difíciles. Y no se trata de una simple disquisición terminológica,
sino de una manera diferente y más optimista de ver el mundo ya que son
conscientes de que después de la tormenta llega la calma. De hecho, estas
personas a menudo sorprenden por su buen humor y nos hacen preguntarnos cómo es
posible que, después de todo lo que han pasado, puedan afrontar la vida con una
sonrisa en los labios.
La práctica de la
resiliencia: ¿Cómo podemos ser más resilientes?
La resiliencia no es una cualidad innata, no está impresa en nuestros genes, aunque
sí puede haber una tendencia genética que puede predisponer a tener un “buen
carácter”.La
resiliencia es algo que todos podemos desarrollar a lo largo de la vida.
Hay personas que son resilientes porque han tenido en sus padres o en alguien
cercano un modelo de resiliencia a seguir, mientras que otras han encontrado el
camino por sí solas. Esto nos indica que todos podemos ser resilientes, siempre
y cuando cambiemos algunos de nuestros hábitos y creencias.
De hecho, las
personas resilientes no nacen, se hacen, lo cual significa que
han tenido que luchar contra situaciones adversas o que han probado varias
veces el sabor del fracaso y no se han dado por vencidas. Al encontrarse al
borde del abismo, han dado lo mejor de sí y han desarrollado las habilidades
necesarias para enfrentar los diferentes retos de la vida.
¿Qué caracteriza a una
persona resiliente?
Las
personas que practican la resiliencia:
1. Son conscientes de sus potencialidades y
limitaciones. El autoconocimiento es un arma muy poderosa para
enfrentar las adversidades y los retos, y las personas resilientes saben usarla
a su favor. Estas personas saben cuáles son sus principales fortalezas y
habilidades, así como sus limitaciones y defectos. De esta manera pueden
trazarse metas más objetivas que no solo tienen en cuenta sus necesidades y
sueños, sino también los recursos de los que disponen para conseguirlas.
2.
Son
creativas. La
persona con una alta capacidad de resiliencia no se limita a intentar pegar el
jarrón roto, es consciente de que ya nunca a volverá a ser el mismo. El
resiliente hará un mosaico con los trozos rotos, y transformará su experiencia
dolorosa en algo bello o útil. De lo vil, saca lo precioso.
3. Confían en sus capacidades. Al ser conscientes de sus potencialidades y
limitaciones, las personas resilientes confían en lo que son capaces de hacer.
Si algo les caracteriza es que no pierden de vista sus objetivos y se sienten
seguras de lo que pueden lograr. No obstante, también reconocen la importancia
del trabajo en equipo y no se encierran en sí mismas, sino que saben cuándo es
necesario pedir ayuda.
4. Asumen las dificultades como una oportunidad
para aprender. A lo largo de la vida enfrentamos muchas situaciones
dolorosas que nos desmotivan, pero las personas resilientes son capaces de ver
más allá de esos momentos y no desfallecen. Estas personas asumen las crisis
como una oportunidad para generar un cambio, para aprender y crecer. Saben que
esos momentos no serán eternos y que su futuro dependerá de la manera en que
reaccionen. Cuando se enfrentan a una adversidad se preguntan: ¿qué puedo
aprender yo de esto?
5. Practican el mindfulness o conciencia plena. Aún sin ser conscientes de esta práctica
milenaria, las personas resilientes tienen el hábito de estar plenamente
presentes, de vivir en el aquí y ahora y de tienen una gran capacidad de
aceptación. Para estas personas el pasado forma parte del ayer y no es una
fuente de culpabilidad y zozobra mientras que el futuro no les aturde con su
cuota de incertidumbre y preocupaciones. Son capaces de aceptar las
experiencias tal y como se presentan e intentan sacarles el mayor provecho.
Disfrutan de los pequeños detalles y no han perdido su capacidad para
asombrarse ante la vida.
6. Ven la vida con objetividad, pero siempre a
través de un prisma optimista. Las personas resilientes son muy objetivas,
saben cuáles son sus potencialidades, los recursos que tienen a su alcance y
sus metas, pero eso no implica que no sean optimistas. Al ser conscientes de
que nada es completamente positivo ni negativo, se esfuerzan por centrarse en
los aspectos positivos y disfrutan de los retos. Estas personas desarrollan un
optimismo realista, también llamado optimalismo, y están convencidas de que por
muy oscura que se presente su jornada, el día siguiente puede ser mejor.
7. Se rodean de personas que tienen una actitud
positiva. Las personas que practican la resiliencia saben cultivar sus amistades, por
lo que generalmente se rodean de personas que mantienen una actitud positiva
ante la vida y evitan a aquellos que se comportan como vampiros emocionales. De
esta forma, logran crear una sólida red de apoyo que les puede sostener en los
momentos más difíciles.
8. No intentan controlar las situaciones. Una de las principales fuentes de tensiones
y estrés es el deseo de querer controlar todos los aspectos de nuestra vida.
Por eso, cuando algo se nos escapa de entre las manos, nos sentimos culpables e
inseguros. Sin embargo, las personas resilientes saben que es imposible controlar
todas las situaciones, han aprendido a lidiar con la incertidumbre y se sienten
cómodos aunque no tengan el control.
9. Son flexibles ante los cambios. A pesar de que las personas resilientes
tienen una autoimagen muy clara y saben perfectamente qué quieren lograr,
también tienen la suficiente flexibilidad como para adaptar sus planes y
cambiar sus metas cuando es necesario. Estas personas no se cierran al cambio y
siempre están dispuestas a valorar diferentes alternativas, sin aferrarse
obsesivamente a sus planes iniciales o a una única solución.
10. Son tenaces en sus propósitos. El hecho de que las personas resilientes
sean flexibles no implica que renuncien a sus metas, al contrario, si algo las
distingue es su perseverancia y su capacidad de lucha. La diferencia estriba en
que no luchan contra molinos de viento, sino que aprovechan el sentido de la
corriente y fluyen con ella. Estas personas tienen una motivación intrínseca
que les ayuda a mantenerse firmes y luchar por lo que se proponen.
11. Afrontan la adversidad con humor. Una de las características esenciales de
las personas resilientes es su sentido del humor, son capaces de reírse de la
adversidad y sacar una broma de sus desdichas. La risa es su mejor aliada
porque les ayuda a mantenerse optimistas y, sobre todo, les permite enfocarse
en los aspectos positivos de las situaciones.
12. Buscan la ayuda de los demás y el apoyo
social. Cuando
las personas resilientes pasan por un suceso potencialmente traumático su
primer objetivo es superarlo, para ello, son conscientes de la importancia del
apoyo social y no dudan en buscar ayuda profesional cuando lo necesitan.
La resiliencia en los
niños
Si
queremos que nuestros hijos afronten las dificultades de la vida con fortaleza
es importante educarles en la capacidad de
ser resilientes, para ello es fundamental nuestro ejemplo, no
sobreprotegerles y sobre todo creer en ellos. No se trata de evitar que se
caigan, sino de enseñarles a levantarse, y para ello tenemos que confiar en que
ellos pueden. Por supuesto, tampoco se trata de exponerles a peligros o
ambientes agresivos “para que se hagan más fuertes”, afortunadamente no estamos
en Esparta. Aportar seguridad y protección es necesario. Algo importante que
podemos preguntarles a los niños cuando tienen un contratiempo si queremos que
aprendan a desarrollar la resiliencia es ¿qué puedes aprender de esto? o
¿qué puedes sacar bueno de esto que ha ocurrido?
Tomado de:
http://www.elpradopsicologos.es/blog/resiliencia-resilientes/
Monday, February 1, 2016
FEBRUARY 1 - 5
How
to Survive Middle School
I never expected middle
school to be quite so difficult for my daughter (more on that in a minute). But
now that she’s in eighth grade — and thriving — I realize that the three
stages of middle school are very much like the ivy my husband is growing on our
backyard wall.
He told me that
growing ivy has three stages: the first year, it sleeps; the second year, it
creeps; and the third year, it leaps. That’s exactly how middle school unfolds
for many children. The first year they’re trying to figure out how to grow
in the very different academic and social soil of middle school.
The second year of middle school they’ll usually creep forward and at
least move in the right direction. Finally, eighth grade often brings
greater confidence and steady growth, all just in time to get ready for the
challenge of high school.
Of course, the better
prepared you are for these stages, the more you’ll be able to help your
children not just survive middle school, but thrive. These tips will help
you get ready, Mom.
Tip 1: Get to know your new child.
The little girl or boy of
the elementary years is a new creature entirely when they enter sixth
grade. Not
only are there physical changes and hormonal shifts that are beyond their
control, there is also a shifting school landscape they’re trying to navigate.
While they’re adjusting, you might see new sides to your child you didn’t even
know existed. Your serious little student might change into a child that craves
social approval. Your outgoing and confident child might suddenly become more
quiet and unsure of himself.
My daughter, an excellent
student in elementary school, cried to me one day that she no longer
wanted to be known as a kid who was “into the books.” I felt like saying, “What
do you mean? Being a good student is a wonderful thing!” But instead, I held
back and let her pursue her different path—up to a point. She did focus less on
academics and tried to gain entry into the popular crowd. When that didn’t
succeed, she spent almost her entire seventh-grade year in a slump. It wasn’t
until the end of seventh grade when she had matured a bit that she turned
back to her studies and made friends with a new group who were also motivated to
do well. Now that she’s in eighth grade, she’s doing well in the classroom and
socially. My job during this time was to let her try out this new
persona while standing by ready to swoop in if things got out of hand.
Tip 2. Get to know your new role.
The above story about my
daughter illustrates the need for mothers of middle schoolers to be less
involved in the day-to-day directing of their children’s choices. Developmental
psychologist Jean Piaget found that children in the middle school years are
learning to think abstractly. As moms, letting our children work through
situations on their own helps them develop the skills they’ll need as adults to
factor long-term consequences into their choices. And while our children are
growing more independent, we need to ponder.
But don’t step out of
your child’s life too much. You still need to be there for him as a sounding
board and a guide. The ideal parenting style for middle schoolers is the
authoritative approach. It allows for more dialogue between parent and child,
rather than a “do this because I said so” approach.
Tip 3. Get to know your child’s new world.
When my daughter was in
elementary school, I knew her teachers very well. Now that she has six
different teachers, I’m less familiar with them. Same goes with the children in
her grade. As more and more new students have started attending her school,
there are lots of kids and families I don’t know at all. So I’m having to work
harder at getting to know the world my child now lives in.
iMOM Director Susan
Merrill says, “Moms need a “mom mafia” —a network of
other moms who share information with each other about what’s going on in their
children’s lives and at their children’s school. Get to know other moms and
encourage them to be open with you about what they’ve heard, and you do the
same. Confidentiality is important. Also reach out to your children’s teachers
as needed, but make sure your children don’t know about it. Step in when
necessary to supplement your child’s efforts, but let them think they’re taking
the lead. Of course, you always want them to know that they can turn to you for
anything and that you’ll help them figure things out. What advice do you
have for moms of middle school kids?
Monday, January 25, 2016
JANUARY 25 - 29
3
Tough Love Parenting Strategies
The
ultimate goal is for your children to impose a little tough love,
self-discipline, on themselves down the road: to get out of bed each day and
report to work, to pass on that dessert and hit the gym, to manage their finances
well. Help your child be able to do that by building these 12 Character
Traits Every Child Needs to Develop.
As
parents, we’re hard wired to protect our children from harm—even from momentary
discomfort. But sometimes those moments of disappointment or frustration are
necessary to drive home important lessons. For some strong-willed children,
nothing but tough love gets through. Here are some ways you might use tough
love to overcome problems with your kids. Try these 3 Tough Love
Parenting Strategies to help them master new skills, gain self-discipline,
and learn important lessons through natural consequences.
1.
The forgetful child. If one of yours is the chronic forgetter of homework,
leaver of lunch boxes, and loser of jackets, some tough love may be in order.
When your child calls in a panic from school to ask you to bring the missing
assignment, think long and hard about it—especially if this is a recurring
problem. Let him or her take the zero, along with all the standard correction
at home that comes with a low grade. Let her go without lunch and be hungry for
a few hours. Natural consequences are excellent teachers—let them do their job.
2.
The disobedient child. If your child persistently breaks the rules you’ve
established for him, you may need to ban the very thing he wants badly enough
to disobey. For instance, if you’ve set a limit on video gaming to one hour per
day but he ignores it and plays longer, the gaming system probably needs to
disappear for a good while. This principle could also be used to make sure that
phone usage stays within the boundaries you permit. Your child will learn that
the cost of breaking the rules is far greater than the temporary pleasure of
breaking them. Not sure which correction is most appropriate? Check out iMOM’s Consequence
Calculator for some help in deciding.
3.
The lazy child. We all have one kid or more who absolutely hates chores,
or work of any kind. This is another instance where the antidote may be that
the very thing she’s trying to avoid only grows when she ignores it. For every
chore that’s skipped, another gets added to the list. If the chores are not
done by a set time, privileges are lost (hanging out with friends, using
technology) until the work is done. Help your child stay on track with one of
our printable chore and responsibility
charts. There are different versions appropriate for different ages.
The
greatest challenge in tough love parenting is overcoming your own angst. We, as
parents, love to see a report card with straight A’s, so forcing a child to eat
the zero and deal with the consequences makes us
uncomfortable. We hate the hassle of taking away privileges and devices, and
we don’t exactly enjoy the process of policing household chores. But that’s
parenting. A job that, by its very definition, is inconvenient when done right.
But your children are worth it and the consequences they (and you) suffer now
to learn the lessons needed are far less damaging and permanent than the ones
they’ll endure to learn these things as adults.
© 2013 iMOM. All
Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark
Merrill are registered trademarks.
Taken from: http://www.imom.com/3-tough-love-parenting-strategies/
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
JANUARY 4 - 8
WELCOME BACK AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
1. More Mealtimes.
2. More Thankfulness.
3. More Helpfulness.
4. More Laughter.
5. More Skills.
6. More Love.
7. More Sleep.
8. More Surprises.
9. More Patience.
10. More Memories.
10
Things Your Family Can Focus on in the New Year
The beauty of a New Year
can be summed up in two words—fresh start. And what better way to freshen up
your family’s life than to really focus on the habits and attitudes that can
make a difference?
We’ve come up with 10
things your family can focus on in the New Year. You can use our list in many
ways. You can focus on a different item monthly; just write out the list on
slips of paper and let your kids choose one at the first day of every month. Or,
you can try to hit several a month, giving each day of the week a “focus
emphasis.”
We think these are the
best New Year’s resolutions for families, and we’re going to try them too.
1. More Mealtimes.
This is a biggie. From it
flows so much that can benefit your family: time together face to face, the
chance to read your child, opportunity to pass on your values to your child,
healthier eating. All of that by just sitting down to eat a meal together. These 5 ideas for making family meals
happen can help.
2. More Thankfulness.
Study after study shows
that thankfulness breeds contentment and dispels depression. Make 2016 a year
of thanksgiving. Put a chalkboard in your kitchen where everyone can write what
they’re thankful for. Or, keep a gratitude journal. You can get the thankful
vibe going with these99 things to be
thankful for about your husband and your children.
3. More Helpfulness.
Chores now build strong
adults later. {Tweet This} Use our Chore Chart to
get your kids (and you!) in the habit of doing chores. They’ll gain a sense of
responsibility and accomplishment. You’ll gain some needed help around the
house!
4. More Laughter.
Look for ways to laugh as a family.
Watch a comedy instead of an action movie. Watch old home videos. Start a
joke-a-week tradition.
5. More Skills.
Let everyone choose a new
skill or talent to learn in 2016. How about a new language? Crochet, archery,
or writing poetry? Have a family brainstorm and see what everyone comes up
with.
6. More Love.
Think of a “love project”
for 2016. Maybe you can focus on the elderly at church, new moms, or neighbors
you don’t know. This Love Your Child Challenge will
put you in the right frame of mind, mom.
7. More Sleep.
Another simple idea that
has a big payoff. Try it. You’ll find that your family will be less grouchy,
kinder, and more loving to each other.
8. More Surprises.
Have a different surprise
captain each month. Let them plan out at least one surprise for the family—a
fun-themed meal, a picnic, a family outing. You can use our secret pal
cards to spur ideas.
9. More Patience.
Talk about how great it
would be if everyone in your family could show each other more patience this
year. Put a big P on the wall in the kitchen to remind everyone that patience
is important in your home.
10. More Memories.
Make a big deal out of
memory making. When you do something as a family, document it and celebrate it
with a night to look at photos, mementos, or just talk about your
adventures—whether big or small.
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