DECEMBER 3 - 7

Semester exams are around the corner. Here are some tips that will help you perform to the best of your abilities.

Test-Taking Strategies

Here are important tips to help students do well on tests.

Test Taking Tips

Multiple Choice Questions

• As you are reading the questions, try to come up with the answer in your head before you look at the answer choices.
• If you are not sure of an answer, eliminate the choices you know are incorrect by crossing them out.
• If two of the choices are similar or opposite, one of them is probably the correct answer

True/False Questions

• Statements with always, never, every, all, and none in them are usually false.
• Statements with usually, often, sometimes, most, and many in them are usually true.
• Read True/False questions very carefully. One word will often determine whether a statement is True or False

Essay Questions

• Read each question and then start with the easiest one.
• Note how many points each essay is worth, and adjust the time you spend on each question accordingly.
• Before you write, brainstorm.  Jot down keys words, ideas, and points that you want to cover in your answer.
• When you write, begin by restating the question and tell the reader what they can expect to learn from your essay.

• Use complete sentences and write legibly.
• If you don’t know the answer to a question, take a couple minutes to write down what you do know about the subject. You may hit on something and get partial credit

Open Book Tests

• Have your notes already highlighted so that important information is easy to locate
• Put sticky notes or bookmarks in your textbook to help you locate important information.

Other Test Taking Tips

• Use relaxation strategies right before a test
• Look at the entire test and read the directions before you begin answering questions
• Mark the questions that you are not sure of and go back to them later
• Use a scrap paper or your hand to block out the other questions, so you are not looking at more than one question at a time. Sometimes a whole paper full of questions can be overwhelming.
• If you are not sure of an answer, go with your first instinct. Many times this is right.

 Taken from: http://penn.phmschools.org/testtakingstrategies 

NOVEMBER 26 - 30

Christmas: Teach Your Teen to Give Back During the Holiday Season

Ivana Pejakovic, B.Sc., MA

Giving to others doesn’t have to be about giving money. It is about giving time, giving complements, giving a smile, giving attention, giving a helping hand, giving emotional support, or giving a kind word or gesture. While monetary donations have their place and time, Christmas spirit is about enriching another’s life through kind action and intention.

Giving and receiving are both habits. The more we receive the more we expect to receive and the more we demand to receive. The more we give, the more excited we are to recreate the experience, and the more enthusiastic we are to give again. 

Sometimes parents wonder about their children’s expensive expectations at Christmas and other gift giving occasions. This usually happens when receiving is not balanced with giving. For many teens, giving is not as expected of them as receiving because they have little or no income. But giving is not about money; the spirit of the season is what you make of it. The traditions you create with your kids are the ones they often carry into adulthood and recreate when they start their families.

As you read about the ways your teen can give, you’ll notice, your child will receive 2 specific gifts each time he makes an offering. He will receive the gifts of gratitude and wisdom that can only be gained by being in service to others! These gifts build social responsibility, humility, a positive character, and a motivation to make a difference in the world.

Promote your family values during the Christmas season. Giving is better than receiving.

1. Volunteer: Donate time at food shelter (soup kitchen). This is one of the most common volunteer opportunities cited and also one of the most overlooked. The reason being is that volunteering takes a little more effort, time, and attention than giving money, or donating food and clothes. Expose your child to various forms of living (including the luxurious life) so he gains a sophisticated understanding of the world. 

2. Donations: Food, money, clothing, toys, hygiene products. These are things we have and use daily, but often take for granted because we just expect them to be a part of our life each day. For many people these are precious items that may not be there from day-to-day. Being involved in community organizations is an excellent way for teens to be exposed to people who experience a lack in the areas they have plenty.

3. Acts of Kindness: Nothing brings a smile to someone’s face faster than random acts of kindness (e.g., giving up your seat for someone, sending a handwritten notes saying thanks, picking up garbage, offering to help). Even the angriest people cannot resist receiving a gesture of kindness. Make this your family’s and teens’ habit.

4. Invitations: Is there anyone in the neighborhood who doesn’t have a family or anyone to celebrate Christmas with? Why not teach your child to open his home and heart to individuals who have no one else to share the holidays with?

5. Community events: As a family, be a part of community events. There is usually a lot going on in most cities and towns. Call your city hall or visit their website for more information. Public libraries also seem to know about ongoing events. Being regularly involved with community events will train your teen to be open, generous, and active.

6. Say thanks: People often forget to express their appreciation for services rendered (think how often you feel underappreciated in a romantic relationship)--because we are usually not even aware we received. Many parents claim their children are often ungrateful. Teach your teen to stay in the moment and be conscious of gifts and services they receive and to show their appreciation.

7. Smile: One of the most generous gifts is the gift of a smile. It costs nothing and requires little effort, yet we are usually not in the habit of giving it. It is not just about giving it to family, friends, and neighbors. Many strangers and acquaintances cross our path during the day that could benefit from our smile. Model to your kids what happens when they share a smile. Help them build this wonderful habit.

Show your teen he CAN make a positive difference in the world. It all starts with simple actions.

Taken from: http://www.lifecoachintoronto.com/

WEEK OF NOVEMBER 19 - 23

Hope for Parents of Defiant Teens: 6 Ways to Parent More Effectively by Janet Lehman, MSW

“I feel alone,” a mom of an out-of-control teen said to me recently. “I don’t go out much anymore, and to be honest, my family isn’t really invited to things because of my son’s behavior.” If you have an acting-out child or teen, you probably feel isolated. You’ve gotten tired of hearing criticisms from family and friends, and perhaps you’ve pulled back from social functions. I think when you have a child who’s out of control, in many ways it’s like living with an alcoholic family member. After a while, parents give up trying to change anything, and they often don’t talk about it, either—they just keep all their shame, blame and sense of failure inside.

"Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you’d had."

You’re likely to isolate even more as your child’s behaviors become more extreme. You question your parenting ability, even though your child’s behavior may not have anything to do with what you did or didn’t do. Here’s the simple truth—some kids are just more difficult than others. That is why it’s so important to “parent the child you have, not the child you wished you’d have.”

It’s important to stress that anyone can change at any time—even your acting-out child. Part of what kids need when they’re out of control is for parents to make some changes so that the child can feel safer. No matter how they act, kids don’t really want to be that out of control, because it doesn’t feel safe. Here are—6 things I suggest to parents in this situation to help them take back control of their homes and start parenting differently.

1. Know your bottom line. Know your bottom line and stick to it. Developing self-respect helps you set more limits; it also builds on itself. When you set limits, be ready and willing to follow through. Don’t use idle threats because your child may call your bluff. For example, your bottom line might be that your teen won’t be allowed to take the family car out on the weekend if he swears at you or calls you or other family members names during the week. Again, if you’re going to set a limit, stick with it. Don’t let him have those car keys on Friday night if he called his sister a “b---h” on Wednesday. Don’t be surprised if there is a negative reaction from your child. Just remember, he needs to own his behavior and be accountable for it. Things won’t change for your teen if he’s making it your problem as a parent.

2. Teach your child to problem solve. As a parent, you are the teacher, coach and limit setter for your child. Part of your job is to teach her how to solve her problems appropriately. When things are calm, you can say, “This behavior won’t solve your problem. Yelling at me because you’re angry about having to go to bed won’t help you—it will only get you into more trouble. So how can you solve this problem differently next time?” Listen to what she has to say, and suggest ideas if she can’t come up with anything. Some examples might be: “You could walk away. You could write down how you’re feeling on a piece of paper or in a journal. You could listen to music.” This is really powerful because you’re saying, “It’s not about me, it’s about you. And it’s not in your best self-interest to behave this way. How can you change what you’re doing so you don’t get into trouble next time?”

3. Aim for small victories. Take small steps and look for gradual change. The change could be as small as disengaging from an argument rather than getting drawn into a power struggle with your child. One way to start is to stand up for yourself. Saying something like, “Don’t talk to me that way, I don’t like it” is an immediate victory and it starts to shift your behavior. It helps you to start moving forward as a positive, effective parent. Look for small successes and take a moment to acknowledge them when they happen.

4. Work on one behavior at a time. Choose the behavior that’s the most serious to address first and begin to plan the steps to change this. Work on getting that under control and then move onto the next behavior on the list. Let’s say you’re the parent of a teen who’s engaging in risky teen behavior and breaking curfew, swearing, not doing his homework, and being disrespectful. What can you realistically aim for here? You have to figure out as a parent what you can live with and where to start. You can’t tackle everything at once or you’re going to fail. Look for safety issues first. Ask yourself, “How do I keep the rest of my family safe? How do I keep my teen safe the best I can?” Work on getting your teen home by curfew by setting limits around it and enforcing consequences, and then move on to the next thing on your list.

5. Be “planful.” Plan out what you’re going to say to your child ahead of time, before he acts out again. Deliver your message in as matter-of-fact of a way as possible. Besides helping you to remain businesslike and objective, this also helps you to separate from your child’s behavior by not getting drawn into a fight. The conversation can be, “Your behavior isn’t acceptable. I’ve decided it has to change, and this is what the plan is.” Or “We as parents have decided to change to this plan.”

6. Ask for help. Stretch your expectations of your support system. If you stay isolated, things often get worse, making you feel more alone than ever. You might not think there’s anybody out there who will listen or help, but you might be surprised at how people react. A friend might be willing to meet you for coffee once a week and talk, for example, knowing that you’re going through a bad time. As a parent, it’s critical to ask for help and talk about what’s going on, whether you go to a therapist, find a support group, talk to folks at your child’s school or find a trusted family member or friend to confide in. Just put it out there and be open to feedback.

When Kids Push Back After You Make Changes

You can’t always predict what will happen when you start making changes in your parenting style. Some kids will “push back,” but others might not. Your adolescent may say she hates you, but if she’s doing exactly what you wanted her to do, you’ve won a small victory. If your child does push back and act out, respond with consistency.

Understand that once you start saying, “This is the way I need things to be,” and holding firm, you’ve made a decision. You’ve done something that brings respect back. It doesn’t mean the behavior will immediately get better—it may take months or years of ups and downs. But the important thing is, you’ve broken that cycle. Once you make a decision and set a limit, you’ve broken the cycle of being at the mercy of your child and his behavior.

I truly believe that no matter how bad things feel, change is always possible. Remember, as we change, we help our kids change—and even small shifts in behavior are important. When we become stronger, we set an example for our kids in their own lives. There’s no magic to any of this, it’s really about you as a parent altering how you respond. Realize that once you take on the role of a more effective parent, you will likely keep things moving forward, and with each new success, you’ll feed on your ability to parent more effectively.

Taken from: http://www.empoweringparents.com/hope-for-parents-of-defiant-teens-6-ways-to-parent-differently.php?utm_medium=email&utm_source=email11132012NX&spMailingID=40534415&spUserID=MjE5MjU5NjAyNTYS1&spJobID=167168652&spReportId=MTY3MTY4NjUyS0

WEEK OF NOVEMBER 12 - 16

Setting Rules / Expectations and Consequences for Your Teen

Adolescents are very much into the "fairness" concept; that is, they respect and respond to parents, teachers, and other authority figures whom they perceive as being fair. Teenagers are less responsive to parents who they feel do not understand them and treat them in an unfair or unjust way. One of the ways to avoid being perceived as unfair and instead to present yourself to the adolescent as a fair and just person is to establish the rules and the consequences for behavior at the same time.

Most parents have a hundred rules and regulations around the house. For example: "Come home at 11:00 P.M." "Cut the grass." "After you use the bathroom, be sure you leave it the way you found it." "All of your homework must be done before you talk on the phone." Parents are usually good at specifying what they want or at setting rules. They state the expectation beautifully, but, unfortunately, many wait until the rule is broken before deciding what the consequence will be. For example, if a child is told to be home by 11:00 and shows up at 11:30, the parent then decides what is going to happen - whether he will be grounded for a week, or is not allowed out the next night, or is restricted from using the phone. This method of announcing the consequence after the rule is broken is viewed as unfair by youngsters and should be avoided.

When we discipline or try to enforce rules and expectations in this fashion, several things happen.

First of all, in this situation, the child does not feel responsible for what has happened to him nor does he feel in control of the consequences of his behavior. As a result, he does not develop responsibility nor does he feel that he can influence what happens to him.

Also, if we wait until the adolescent breaks the rule to decide the punishment or consequence, the teen is likely to develop anger toward the parent because he feels that the parent is responsible for the bad thing (the consequence) that has happened to him. Since many adolescents already have some underlying anger, it is not helpful to do anything that will produce more resentment.

Rules and Consequences Should Be Stated at the Same Time
In setting rules, parents should avoid stating only the expectation. It is important to spell out both the rule and the consequence at the same time and before the rule is broken.

The above diagram indicates the way effective rules should be set. That is, you should tell the child, "Here is what I want you to do. This (Consequence A) will happen if you do it that way, and this (Consequence B) will happen if you do it the other way." By using this method, you allow the child to decide for himself what is going to happen to him.

By stating the rules and the consequences at the same time, you put the responsibility for what happens to the teenager squarely on his shoulders. In terms of discipline, you become passive and laid-back and do exactly what the child tells you to do. This approach should eliminate nagging or power struggles. The teenager is in control of the consequences of his behavior and determines whether good or bad things happen to him.

Consequences are the most important tool in changing behavior, and the method just described is the most effective way to use them. You may not be able to employ this technique all of the time, but should use it whenever possible.

Rules and Consequences Have to Be Specific
How many times has something like this happened to you? The teenager's room has been a mess for three weeks and it seems as if everything she owns is on the floor. You tell her, "Go to your room and pick up everything off the floor." About fifteen minutes later she comes out and you ask, "Did you do what I said?" Her response is "Yes." You go in the room to check and find that all the junk that was on the floor is now on the bed. You get upset, but what has happened is that she has taken you literally and fulfilled your expectation 100 percent: she has picked everything up off the floor.

Teenagers often do exactly what you tell them and usually have their own definitions of words. You should try to be as specific as possible when stating rules or behavioral expectations. If you say, "I want you to go to your room and clean it," you need to define what you mean by clean. "Put the dirty clothes in the hamper, the books on the shelf, and the trash and paper that are on the floor in the wastebasket. And don't put anything under your bed."

Parents may encounter problems in management if the expectations are stated in too general or cloudy terms - for example: "I want you to improve in school." or "Be nice to your sister." What do "improve" and "be nice" mean? They can mean different things to different people. To the teenager, improving in school might mean getting all D's instead of F's, and being nice to his sister might mean that he hits her only 10 times a day instead of 25. On the contrary, the parent defines improving in school as earning a C average, and being nice to the sister as not hitting her at all. Therefore, if the expectations are not specific enough, when the parent and teenager get together to compare notes they come up with a difference of opinion. The child feels that he has fulfilled the expectation, but the parent does not. Therefore, a situation has been created where the teenager thinks he has been unfairly treated.

The same thing happens when parents state the consequences in too general or vague terms. "If you do that again, you're going to get it." "You'll be punished if you don't improve in school." What does "going to get it" or "punished" mean to the teenager? Probably not very much.

In stating expectations/rules and consequences, you must be very specific and spell out what you mean. Do not assume that the adolescent "knows." Both parent and teenager have to have the same idea of what is expected and what the consequences will be. If the child is not sure, he is apt to be confused, feel resentful, or think he has been treated unfairly

Taken from: http://life.familyeducation.com/teen/discipline/39353.html

WEEK OF NOVEMBER 5 - 9

Overcoming Procrastination -Tips for Parents of Teens

Help Your Teen Overcome Procrastination

By Denise Witmer, About.com Guide

Procrastination is a regular problem many teens face, sometimes daily. Often parents try to fix this behavior through reward or punishment. As procrastination has underlying reasons, these fixes don't work as well as parents would hope, leaving us and our teens frustrated. Here are some tips to help your teen overcome procrastination:

Clearly define what needs to be done to your teen. When a task is not clearly laid out, your teen may procrastinate, as they are unsure of exactly what you expect. Ask your teen if they understand what is required. If not, explain it to them. If they think so, have them explain to you what they think they should be doing. Clarify any confusion.

Help your teen find their motivation. Motivation comes easily when doing something is important to the person doing it. Otherwise, it is very slow to show up and your teen will procrastinate. If your teen's teacher hasn't motivated their class about their latest algebra assignment, your teen might need another incentive to get them to the homework and do it well. Setting up a 'privileges based on completed responsibilities' can help youmotivate your teen if this is the problem.

Encourage your teen to get extra help for things like school work, where your ability to help is limited. The inability to do something can cause your teen to procrastinate. Tell your teen: 'School is about learning, not knowing. If someone already knows everything, they don't need to go learn it, do they? Sometimes learning is fast, sometimes it's harder. The good thing is that there are teachers there to help you if you are up against learning a tougher topic for you.' The good thing about this strategy is that once it works for your teen, they will begin to do it more independently. If your teen is dealing with a difficult teacher and is unable to get the extra help they need, call the school and see if there are other tutor options.

Help your teen set goals. Make sure their goals are clear and come from the teen. Teens need to feel ownership of their goals in order not to procrastination and want to get the work done that is needed to achieve the goal.

Use preventative measures and address problems before they happen. Problems like perfectionism and anxiety can cause a teen to become stressed and procrastinate. Remind teens that they do not have to be perfect, that no one is. While they may be judged on their effort, doing their best is the purpose and they are always capable of doing their best.

Be understanding and supportive. Being afraid of what could happen is another reason teens procrastinate. Going out into the world and dealing with things that have outcomes you cannot control can be scary for everyone. Talk to your teen about this and role play if necessary.

Taken from: http://parentingteens.about.com/od/behavioranddiscipline/a/procrastinationteen.htm