Tips thought leaders use to raise their kids
By
Eloise King
The
leading thinkers today take a look at the parenting debate and speak on how to
raise inspired children.
The
years kids spend at school are about so much more than maths, English and
science. The jostle of school yard play and politics means they come up against
challenges that are social, emotional, psychological and physical in nature as
well.
The problem, however, is that statistics tell us an increasing number of school-aged children are obese, depressed, abuse drugs or alcohol, have behavioural problems such as ADHD and even, tragically, commit suicide.
To protect her own son from becoming yet another sad statistic, international award winning researcher and university teacher Dr Rosina McAlpine has corralled some of the world's leading thinkers to produce a book titled Raising Inspired Children.
"Parents want the best for their children, but the fast and demanding pace of life has left them poor and stressed" Dr McAlpine says. "They don't have the time to research the latest findings in child development unless they come up against a problem and need expert help to manage it."
Here, we look at some of what those leading minds have contributed to the parenting debate.
The problem, however, is that statistics tell us an increasing number of school-aged children are obese, depressed, abuse drugs or alcohol, have behavioural problems such as ADHD and even, tragically, commit suicide.
To protect her own son from becoming yet another sad statistic, international award winning researcher and university teacher Dr Rosina McAlpine has corralled some of the world's leading thinkers to produce a book titled Raising Inspired Children.
"Parents want the best for their children, but the fast and demanding pace of life has left them poor and stressed" Dr McAlpine says. "They don't have the time to research the latest findings in child development unless they come up against a problem and need expert help to manage it."
Here, we look at some of what those leading minds have contributed to the parenting debate.
Supporting emotional intelligence in
children
Dr Joe Dispenza is a
neuroscientist, chiropractor, lecturer and author who's continuing education
has been in neurology; neuro-plasticity; brain function and chemistry; cellular
biology; memory formation; and ageing and longevity.
Research shows us that our emotional disposition – bored, happy, sad, balanced, excited – affects how we interpret the world, and also how we act or behave in it. Studies from the University of Pennsylvania show when depressed people are shown two pictures in rapid succession – one funeral, one feast – people remember the sad coffin scene significantly more often than the happy feast. "This study clearly shows that people perceive reality based on how they feel," Dr Dispenza. "This is why it is important for us to help our kids cultivate positive emotions such as happiness, strength and freedom, as often as possible."
Emotional predispositions are the result of the interplay between our genetics (nature) and the environment we grow up in (nurture).
Increasing our kids emotional intelligence gives them greater control over how they react to their environment and the tools to lead a happier life.
Research shows us that our emotional disposition – bored, happy, sad, balanced, excited – affects how we interpret the world, and also how we act or behave in it. Studies from the University of Pennsylvania show when depressed people are shown two pictures in rapid succession – one funeral, one feast – people remember the sad coffin scene significantly more often than the happy feast. "This study clearly shows that people perceive reality based on how they feel," Dr Dispenza. "This is why it is important for us to help our kids cultivate positive emotions such as happiness, strength and freedom, as often as possible."
Emotional predispositions are the result of the interplay between our genetics (nature) and the environment we grow up in (nurture).
Increasing our kids emotional intelligence gives them greater control over how they react to their environment and the tools to lead a happier life.
What is emotional intelligence?
Dr Dispenza says there
are five distinct but interrelated aspects to emotional intelligence. They are:
knowing one's emotions (self awareness), managing emotions (the ability to
shake off negative emotions and introduce positive ones), recognising emotions
in others (empathy and being aware of another's needs), handling relationships
(effective interactions) and motivating oneself.
Two techniques for teaching emotional
awareness to kids
1.
Parental observation: Instead of jumping in to fix a situation when his children are
highly emotional (such as mid- tantrum or argument) Dr Dispenza would either a)
say in a calm and non-judgemental voice 'you seem angry' to help them become
aware of the emotion, or b) observe them in a calm and loving way without commenting.
"Being watched, without judgment, until they are aware that I am watching
them is often enough of an interruption for them to stop and observe their own
emotions and behaviour," he says.
2.
Emotional awareness game: Dr Dispenza plays fun games designed to teach his kids about
their emotions while driving together in the car. He says: "Ok, let's play
a game that involves us all feeling happy for the next five minutes, so
everyone stay in the state of joy and happiness by thinking about what makes
you happy and then really feel it… notice how it makes you feel inside… you may
feel like smiling, you may feel light… you may even feel like you are bursting
with excitement because you are so happy… make that feeling grow so you are
even more happy… keep feeling happiness and joy" When the five
minutes is up, he says: "Now, memorise that feeling of happiness and joy,
because that is who you really are." To help his kids know what happiness,
understand that they can turn it on, and develop it as a habit. This game can
be repeated with feelings of strength, courage, freedom or playfulness.
Parenting Psychologically Healthy Kids
Dr Michael Hall has a
doctorate in cognitive-behavioural sciences and is a leader in neuro semantics,
psychology and neuro linguistic programming (NLP). He has written more than 40
books, including many best-sellers.
Dr Michael Hall says the key factor in fostering psychological wellbeing in your child is to understand the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem.
"Self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably even though they are entirely different aspects of the self," Dr Hall says. "Self esteem refers to a person's innate value, worth, dignity, honour and lovability. Self confidence, on the other hand, is conditional on their talents, dispositions, achievements."
Dr Hall believes all humans have innate worth and value. "It is an unconditional quality, based on no conditions, it is never questioned, it is recognised as a gift to all humans and means that everyone is born a somebody," he says. The aim or challenge for parents is therefore to help their child experience this self-esteem in their understanding of themselves.
Dr Michael Hall says the key factor in fostering psychological wellbeing in your child is to understand the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem.
"Self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably even though they are entirely different aspects of the self," Dr Hall says. "Self esteem refers to a person's innate value, worth, dignity, honour and lovability. Self confidence, on the other hand, is conditional on their talents, dispositions, achievements."
Dr Hall believes all humans have innate worth and value. "It is an unconditional quality, based on no conditions, it is never questioned, it is recognised as a gift to all humans and means that everyone is born a somebody," he says. The aim or challenge for parents is therefore to help their child experience this self-esteem in their understanding of themselves.
Acknowledge your self worth first
It's hard to raise a
child who feels innately worthy if you don't understand your own worth first.
Dr Hall recommends thinking about something that you perceive to have innate
worth.
"It may be standing in awe of a beautiful sunrise or sunset; acknowledging the mystery of life as you hold a newborn child; or sensing the immensity of the universe as you stand on top of a mountain and look up at the milky way," he says. "Once you've acknowledged or accepted the innate worth in something simply for what it is, apply that to the awesome sacredness to who you are." Dr Hall calls this self-esteeming.
Once you have self-esteemed yourself, apply the same feelings of awe to your child. Say to yourself: 'My child doesn't have to prove anything or achieve anything to be a fully valuable person.' Let your child know that's how you feel. Then, encourage your child to self-esteem themselves with the words: 'I am special and lovable as I am and I don't have to do anything to be loved'.
Dr Hall says: "The more they practice self-esteeming the better they will get at loving and valuing themselves for who they are."
"It may be standing in awe of a beautiful sunrise or sunset; acknowledging the mystery of life as you hold a newborn child; or sensing the immensity of the universe as you stand on top of a mountain and look up at the milky way," he says. "Once you've acknowledged or accepted the innate worth in something simply for what it is, apply that to the awesome sacredness to who you are." Dr Hall calls this self-esteeming.
Once you have self-esteemed yourself, apply the same feelings of awe to your child. Say to yourself: 'My child doesn't have to prove anything or achieve anything to be a fully valuable person.' Let your child know that's how you feel. Then, encourage your child to self-esteem themselves with the words: 'I am special and lovable as I am and I don't have to do anything to be loved'.
Dr Hall says: "The more they practice self-esteeming the better they will get at loving and valuing themselves for who they are."
Examples of phrases to help boost kids'
self-esteem
1.
"Whether you
succeed in the exam/game/event today or not, you are an absolutely valuable and
lovable person and nothing can take that away from you. So, go out there and
give it your best; have fun and we'll see what happens".
2.
"You shouldn't
have done that. And you know what the consequences are – time-out in your
bedroom. BUT, before you go I want you to know that I love you
absolutely!"
Partnerships with children for happy home
management
Dr
Sum has experience as a RAAF officer, executive coach and business partner who
specialises in leadership training. She has developed the seven R's of
parenting to help parents bring order and structure to family life.
Dr Sum believes the seven R's of parenting are:
Dr Sum believes the seven R's of parenting are:
1.
Role modelling:
Children will do as you do, more than they will do what you say. Get clear
about what your values and beliefs are and walk your talk to live an authentic
life.
2.
Respect: Develop
mutual respect between you and your child by asking yourself the following
questions. In what ways do I respect my child? In what ways do I inspire my
child to respect me?
3.
Rules: Rules set the
boundaries and structure by which every family member agrees to behave. All
rules require all family members to agree for them to work in creating a fun,
safe and harmonious home environment.
4.
Routine: creates
predictability and security for children which fosters independence and the
development of healthy self esteem. Try creating a daily timetable for your
child
5.
Review and reflect:
create regular family time for sharing of personal and family problems, goals
and challenges.
6.
Reorganise: make
necessary adjustments required to improve the processes the family agrees
aren't working.
7.
Response-ability: is
taking the time to plan, schedule and follow through with the seven Rs so that
every family member is valued.
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