Manners
Your Teen Should Use Regularly and How to Teach Them
While it is often a joke to put the words manners and teens in the same
sentence, it isn't always funny when your teen's lack of manners embarrasses
you in public. As a matter of fact, it can be downright humiliating. What's
worse is that we find ourselves still in the habit of correcting them in front
of that same public which gains us a significant eye rolls from our teen - if
not more. But what can a parent do? What manners should we expect from our
teenagers? And how do we get them to use the manners we know they already have?
·
saying please and thank
you and apologizing when they have done something wrong;
·
keeping their hands to
themselves and not being grabby with another's things;
·
not interrupting when
someone else is speaking;
·
saying excuse me when
they need attention or have accidentally bumped into someone;
·
asking permission when
they want something or they want to do something;
·
looking someone in the
eye when speaking to them or meeting them;
·
keeping negative opinions
to themselves and refrain from talking about or laughing at other people;
·
being polite when making
or receiving phone calls;
·
not acting bored - even
when they are;
·
keeping their hands away
from their body, unless it's to cover their mouth and nose when sneezing;
·
using proper table
etiquette;
·
not answering their cell
phone or texting when in a conversation with someone else;
·
and last, but not least,
no swearing.
While this isn't a
comprehensive list of all of the manners your teen will hopefully acquire in
their lifetime, if you are able to accomplish teaching them to use these on a
regular basis they will be thought of as mannerly people. And mannerly people
tend to be more confident and therefore are able to
accomplish more toward their goals.
You can get your teen to
use their manners the same way you get them to do anything else, by being clear
about what you expect, talking to them about the benefits, being fair
and firm with the limits and consequences and following through.
Also remember, gentle reminders when they are alone with you will go a lot
further than correcting them in public, but if you make that mistake, you can
always fall
back and regroup.
Finding opportunities to
talk about good manners with your teen is like finding them when you want to
talk about anything. When you see something happen on television or at your
teen's soccer game, bring it up. Ask and listen to your teen's opinion
and give your own letting your teen know what the proper etiquette is for that
particular situation. If you see your teen forget to use their please or thank
you, take them aside and gently remind them. Insist on eating properly at the
family dinner table with both feet on the floor and using the correct utensils.
And you can role-play if your teen is going to
be in a new situation or to help them learn new manners - like how to hold the
door open for someone else.
Remember to reward good
manners as well. You can even set up a reward system for the whole family, like
a dinner at a favorite restaurant when you've notice everyone using good table
manners. Just be sure to praise your teen when it is warranted and not just to
elicit the desired behavior.
Parents should also note that manners around your teen's peers are important as well,
but should never be corrected in front of their friends. You also may want to
only talk to your teen about them if they are large indiscretions, like being
on the cell phone with another friend the entire while they have a friend
visiting. Otherwise, allow your teen's friends to influence their behavior, as
they often do.
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